Question for the aspergers guys who desperately want a GF

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For a long time I wanted nothing else than a girlfriend, and for exactly the reason Hale Bopp said: So I would feel worthwhile. After all, if a girl likes you, how bad can you be? Naturally, I never would have admitted it at the time, but looking back now it's very obvious. And it led to not only making it HARDER to find one (because I came off as nervous and needy instead of relaxed and confident, which is what girls like), but also staying in relationships with girls who were clearly not right for me because I felt like this was my last chance to ever have one.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Sometimes seeking a girlfriend is the worst way to find one. It makes you come across as less interesting than you are and makes her think of herself as the generic "female" that you see on women's bathrooms": the round head and triangle dress that could be anybody as long as she has the right parts.

i want a relationship for the relationship. i dont want it because i need it to feel validated or something. i want it because i feel that, out of everything in the world, the things that im best at are the things that i can only do in a relationship. like loving, and cuddling, and kissing, and making someone feel appreciated, like i will never let them down. i want a connection with someone. i want to grow to love someone who loves me too.

without this love, i really dont feel i'll ever be truly happy.

I want a relationship because the one I had made me a better person. Because I miss having a female perspective on things. Because I miss having someone who values ME for ME (Golddiggers need NOT apply!). And because I also have the normal physical urges (no need to deny it to make myself look like a Saint. LOL).

Matt

For me, I'll admit that having my worth confirmed matters more to me right now.

Most girls I've grown close to eventually go on to date other guys after rejecting me and our friendships end in time as well. I don't think I could ever really open up to anyone, especially when it's the man's confidence, power and status are what attract women in the first place. So far, people I've been attracted to have reacted with irritation, disappointment or concern when I made my feelings clear to them. I've concluded that this is the worst thing you can possibly do with someone you like and there's no chance of me repeating it in the future.

What's especially hard for me is realising that I don't know how to go about attracting people. I thought it happened by itself between compatible people, but it seems to have to flirt, use body language and so on to change your friendship with them to something sexual before you can have a relationship with them.

Most likely I'm too immature to handle something like a relationship anyway, but my self esteem has really suffered over time. It's kind of dumb because I've had a good life and no one's ever been cruel to me in rejecting me or anything, but I've been eaten away at by an irrational anxiety that I'm a dull person with little that can enrich another person's life.

I'm afraid of falling in love with someone, because the way I am now, I wouldn't know how to attract them or make the right moves and I'd just end up disappointed.

I definitely want a GF for the sake of love and companionship; not the need to feel validated. Like many Aspies, I tend to get lonely easily and need to have someone around. Unfortunately, the only people who can provide that is my family since I don't even have any friends let alone a GF. I still get lonely sometimes even when family is around. Since I am a "one person person" all I need is a GF, and I think I'll be content.

I worry about this a lot since my parents aren't going to live forever. What am I going to do when they're gone? Hopefully that won't happen for many years yet, but it will happen. I just hope I can find someone who is compatible soon, well before that happens since it will help me not to be lonely and give me greater independence from my parents. In addition, if my GF and I both had jobs, we'd be able to live better than if we were both single. I also want a GF for the sake of experiencing love and sex for the first time. I don't think I'd be comfortable having sex with someone I don't know very well or someone who doesn't know me well. There are many reasons why I want a GF, but feeling validated is not really one of them.

I don't consider myself desperate, but I worry that since I am not the "it" guy that only exists in the minds of some ad execs, then my only option is to be the guy that people settle for when they can't get anyone else.