I can't live with myself anymore...

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How about a long-term relationship to affirm your attractiveness and cure your virginity?

ok, then after reading all this. I'm convinced of one thing. that I'll never be loved by anyone becuase aparently, No one wants the guy who will always do whats right for them or actually want to make them happy.

from what you've all told me, it sound like girls will only consider the stupid pretty boy jerks. I swear that;s half the problem, then therws the severe lack of compassion in the world.
not to mention the whole darn state of pennsyvania is full of morons.
I hate where I have to live... and would you like to now a little secret? the only girl who would have ever actually liked me, moved to florida and got a boyfreind over there, and that really ticks me off,
let me add that she told me they fight sometimes. If he loved her they wouldn't fight! heck, if she had stayed in sunbury, then maybe i'd have a girlfriend. but at this point she could die and I wouldn't care. she says i;m her friend but how the heck can I be friends with someone who lives half the globe away? besides she never calls me or text or anything.

So as far as i'm concerned, the whole darn state can rest in piece's All I have is my dreams... and that's just not enougth.

I suppose I'll continue to cry each night all alone. if a girl will nver love me, then I'm totally worthless.

Oh, Well, I still have my imaginary girlfriend... but it's not the same...

There is no reason to despair. While it is true that coming across as desperate lowers your chances, there are many girls who are just as desperate as you are. Girls who also think they will never be loved and that nobody could ever find them attractive. Ok, that came out wrong. I'm not telling you to go after desperate girls. My point is simply that not all women are attracted to the same kind of men, and not all have the same expectations.

A few years ago, I met a younger woman in Second Life who lived in the USA. I wasn't looking for anybody, it just happened. She had been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, suffered from social anxiety and depression and was a shut-in like myself, so we had a lot in common. We also had very similar views, meaning that were equally disillusioned and cynical , and we both felt very lonely and desperate and didn't consider ourselves attractive. For me, she was attractive though. But what was more important, I thought this might be the one person who I could stand being around without my usual anxiety problems.

We had voice chats, which usually makes me totally nervous, and eventually webcam chats. We got along so well (or perhaps she was so desperate to meet somebody) that we agreed to meet up for a week. Of course it didn't work out because I can't just up and travel halfway around the world. I tried and got as far as Heathrow Airport, where I had a major shutdown / panic attack and locked myself in a restroom for several hours. I realized that the long flight to California just wasn't an option for me and somehow managed to make it back home, and she was quite upset to hear that it wouldn't work out. It was a pipe dream anyway, because neither of us could have coped with a move to a different country.

But at least something good came out of this for her, because our online relationship had boosted her self-esteem enough that she signed up at an online dating site and met someone in her area. She sent me a photo of him and I think that he looks like c**p, which is further proof that everyone can meet somebody if they don't give up and keep trying If even someone as broken and dysfunctional as myself can find somebody who is willing to put up with him (nevermind that it didn't work out for me), you certainly have a chance too. You just need to find places to socialize, either in RL or online.

Nothing in what I wrote would lead you to the conclusion that girls only like stupid pretty boy jerks. I would say that is your own conclusion, not one that came from the posts here.

I didn't marry a stupid pretty boy jerk. I married a loving, sweet, shy, brilliant engineer who happens to be an Aspie.

But you have a way to go before you are ready for a real relationship, because just in this one post you've shown that you have no idea what a real relationship looks like, and if you have no idea what a real relationship looks like, how can you expect to build one? You really think that people never fight with someone they truly love? That is ridiculous. People who love each other can fight. You really think that you show love by never stating your opinion, if doing so might cause a disagreement? You aren't supposed to lose who you are in a relationship, you are supposed to share who you are.

You are, in my timeline, super young. You have TIME to learn all these things, get to know people, and find the right person for you. You aren't supposed to have it all figured out and be ready for marriage at 19. Spend time getting comfortable in your own skin, doing things you enjoy, finishing school, building a career, and learning about life. It is that process that leads you to the right people for you to date.

I'm not saying it will be easy or instant; but you do have to be patient, and let things move along a natural course. You can't stress about it or assume it will never happen; you have to live your life and be happy with it as it is; just doing that will make you more attractive.

I first of all, I never said, I'd lose my opinoin in an relationship. I simply meant that in a loving relationshp two people must share the same opinoins.

and the fact is most people do find their true love while there still in high school, or collage in some cases. almost everyone in my family found their's in school. my mom was in school when she met my dad, although he had already graduated. and my mom's brother met his wife in collage. since i'm already 18 it's too late for me. I'm already out of school, and I don't have the monney for collage.

And 18 is not "super young" most people don't live past 50, well, most people don't even live that long. so my live is already half over.

Average life expectancy in western countries is somewhere around 75 years for men, so as long as you stay out of Africa, you should not worry about dying too young.

i haven't ever met a couple that shared all the same opinions. that is why coupls have to compromise things. i am sure you have seen your parents disagree.


no. often (or usually) they don't meet in high school or college. just because people in your family did doesn't mean other people do.

one study showed that on average people met their long-term partner at age 24(link). i met a new partner at age 39. there is no upper limit for when people will meet their future partner. someone could get married for the first time at age 70!


you've already been corrected on this point.

If your title is a 100% genuine feeling then it's time to change your whole self to someone you want to be and try to live with this new someone instead.

Exactly.

I'm over 50 and am still raising school age kids. I posted earlier that I married for the first time at 36. Transformingcar, you make me sound like some odd aberration that will be hitting the grave soon. I can assure you, I am neither of those things. I'm not even close to being a grandparent yet! I spent over a decade having a grand career and seeing the world. In the process, I learned about myself and what a whole variety of relationships look like. All that got me ready to meet the right person and be married.

I'm not afraid to say I held a lot of wrong notions at 18 and would have had a difficult time sustaining a meaningful relationship. Having things take their time allowed me to bring much more to my marriage and family than I ever could have so young, and that is positive for all of us.

You need to throw your assumptions out the window, for they will take you down a dead end.

But if you open your ideas up, you'll find that life has lots of good stuff ready for you. That dead end is only there if you put it there.

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 30 Jan 2012, 8:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ok, so, I just realised I forgot to mention something important, I live in a town where there is very little to do and no where to meet people.
there also the fact that all my life people have purposly held me back form sociailiation. no one ever let me do all the things my sister gets too, she has more freinds then most could count. and she never had to go thought the kind of suffering I have but that's not the point

And I have seen my parents fight, alot actully, so much so that I feel they don't love each other they wat they try to make it look.

but anyway, I suppose I'd have better chances if I could live somewhere where the people aren't the cruel, hatefull way they are in sunbury.
I'll never understand why they are so cruel in this town I'm forced to call home.

well, I noticed that the issues I live with are getting increaingly worse. and it's mostly about the lonlyness I feel. well that and the fact that everyone I know keeps screwing me over. I mean I always try to do the right thing, then afterwards some idiot backstabs me.

I good example would be the guy I once called "friend" well, I dropped everything for him whenever he needed or wanted me to show up.
then one day, he takes some of my stuff, I never see him again. and a few weeks alter I asked his mom where he was. she lied to me, then yelled Like a lunatic when I came back to say I couldn't find him, I swear he was in the house the whole time.
don't know whats wrong with the people in this town. of course I don't really like to hang out with other guys. It makes me uncomfortable
but then, I got along well with that one girl before she moved to florida and started dating someone who I'll never know who he his.
she once asked me if I would have liked her to be my girlfriend, but by then she was already in florida.

I guess what I'm triyng to say, is, that I just feel more accepted when a girl wants to be around me.

but, hey, I suppose it's not all bad, at least not when I can dream about the freinds who only exist inside my mind... but, anyway. not sure what else to say at this point.

well, I can say that I do appreciate the advice and all. just, some of it hasn't helped.

this lonlyness is killing me inside.

It's called "Marriage".

I am really sorry to hear that.

Life isn't a piece of cake, I won't pretend it is. But that doesn't mean it can't be meaningful and worthwhile.

As I wrote my posts I knew that I was saying things that have to be said, but that probably aren't that useful to you in this moment of time because, well, that is just the way it is. I hated it when people told me the same sorts of things back in my single years when all I wanted was to make something happen, and not have to wait any more. But you can't force what can't be forced.

My advice would be to work towards leaving that town, if you feel it is holding you back, and unable to give you the things you seek. Maybe it will be different somewhere else, maybe not, but all things are worth trying. You may not be ready to do that today, but that does not mean you can't be ready to do that in a few years. Set a goal and set a plan, and be ready to adjust the goal and plan as life throws curve balls at you, but don't discard them, and don't give up.

A lot of famous people seem to like to say that will is 9/10ths of success: most things are about how bad you want them. If you want something, you find a path that allows you to have it.

While you can't will your way into a relationship, you can will your way into a situation that makes you more able to find one, and more prepared to be a good partner in one when you do find it. And having that action plan taking up good parts of your focus helps a bit with the loneliness, too.

To attract others, be attractive.

To have friends, be friendly.

To be loved, be lovable.

It's just that simple.

It's not that people don't value it. It's that they don't need it. And to correct the last bit: what's truly important in life, to YOU. Not others.

I do however wish you the best of luck.

That's completely not true. The whole emotionless aspie thing is a complete, and might I add, utterly ridiculous stereotype.

Wrong. That's reason one why you're not ready.



Wrong, that's reason one why you're unhappy.



Wrong, again. You will see when you get older just how young it is.