Dating at work: Bad idea?

Post Reply New Topic

think of it in 5 years. which one of these would cause more regret?

-never ever making a move on the person that could have been the love of your life?
-having to work around awkwardness for a while or at worst having to transfer to another location or change jobs?

the answer to me is obvious and always has been. work is transient - people rarely stay at one job for more than a few years anyway, but finding the right partner can bring happiness for a lifetime.

It could take 5 years to find a new job in this $h!tty economy if you get fired & have a complaint like sexual harassment or something on your record. One of my coworkders was nearly fired from WalMart because some girl he dated who never worked there filed a complaint to management as a customer about him sexually harassing her there which never happened. I imagine an employee making the complaint about another employee would be taken pretty seriously at most jobs'.
I think it's fairly safe to have a relationship with someone from work depending on the person if one of you is getting ready to change jobs or you work in different departments & are seldom there at the same time(like if you work the night shift & she works the day one). I'm NOT going to say that I won't ever try again for a relationship with someone at work. I don't always analyze & think things trough & depending on circumstances like if a girl would actually come on to me

dating at work doesn't usually end in accusations of sexual harassment, and if false accusations are being thrown around it can happen with no dating involved anyways.

i'm not advocating hanky-panky while on the job - it's important to stay professional while working and not treat one's partner any different from another coworker. that will help to avoid any accusations also.

This. ^^

Plus, I have to say (having been in the work force about 30 years) that it REALLY depends on lots of things: context, circumstances, the relative positions of each of you, how likely you are to stay in that job, what your company's policy is, etc.

The industry I'm in, I must know *literally* over 50 couples who met and married on our job. It's just the nature of our work, dating outside is more difficult (lots of long hours, studying for exams, working toward a longterm goal).

Of course, I should mention that my industry is also a conservative one and no one dates casually or goes public until things are of a more serious nature. Everyone is a college graduate and/or has some post-graduate work, so we may be talking a different approach to life/maturity level in general.

Under that logic there is not much reason to not date at work because you can be target for sexual harassment anyway.



I doubt I would care that much, I could care less what people at work think of me. I would probably see them every other day but usually we are on separate sides of the store.

sort of. it isn't a reason to avoid dating at work, because wrongful accusations are not based in reality anyways. the actualy dating shouldn't happen at work (except getting to know a person and asking them out), so there is no basis for anything being misconstrued.

Depends on the person, the job, and company policies.
I had one attractive woman chasing me at Flying J when I used to work for that company. Unfortunately she was my supervisor, so it was against Co. policy. <Sigh>
On the other hand, I've had several female co-workers who flirted with me, & found that enjoyable ( a bit but I was cautious about it).
And further back in time, one female eventually drove me away from my dream job..
Pros & cons, & you had better weigh them both!

Sincerely,
Matthew

Last edited by Matt62 on 16 Feb 2012, 3:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Perhaps of some interest:

"11 Things To Consider Before Hooking Up With A Coworker"
by Aimee Groth and Karlee Weinmann
http://www.businessinsider.com/11-thing ... ker-2012-2

"Weighing the Pros and Cons of Office Romances"
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/stor ... Id=7396149

I'd really say put environment first. If you're working at a busy restaurant where you have close to or even one hundred coworkers on the schedule and you have new people starting or leaving almost weekly, its probably not a big deal - especially if its already common place. Keep this in mind though - even here - you'd want to be sure you're actually getting interest from them and that lines of communication aren't getting crossed.

As for an environment that's more fixtured or especially a smaller and more close-nit place of work I'd either not do it at all or, if its a thing where you're both clearly interested in each other, I'd still advise being very slow-burn about it and making sure trust levels are what they'd need to be at every step.

I think it depends on the situation. I'm in a job right now that I really want to keep and would be in a bad position if I lost, so I honestly don't think I'd be open to dating anyone here and, if I ever did, I would be very cautious about it. But, when I was in college, I met someone at the job I was working back then and we wound up dating for several years, breaking up and then remaining close friends. Our relationship has gone through a lot of transitions, but he's been a central part of my life for ten years now and I hate to think I would have missed out on all of that if I hadn't been willing to take a risk back then. Like most things, it's about weighing the risks and benefits, I guess.

This is kind of hypothetical but there's a local community technical college that's being built down the road a little ways from me. I'm not going to get my hopes up but I have experience doing custodial stuff. Hypothetically down the road a ways when they do open up if I do apply & get hired; Could there be any problems with a janitor dating a student or a janitor dating someone who works there like maybe in the office or teacher or something? I'm just speculating rite now

Dating a co-worker usually leads to disaster.

Doubly so if you are on the spectrum and the majority of relationships don't go past a few awkward dates.

Make friends with this person. Go out to lunch together. Hang out together. In a few months both of you will know more about each other. You can see then if you could move beyond friends.

DON'T EVER ask a co-worker out on a date out of the blue. EVER. Make friends first.

I agree--good advice.

Then you risk getting friend-zoned & p!ss!ng them off by breaking established bounders when you do make a move. That's what happened to me

Without being able to share much wisdom, we have a saying here that goes like this:
Never eat where you take a s**t.

Please don't be so pessimistic!

Making friends and then moving beyond friends is how most, maybe all, successful relationships begin.

"Friendzone" is just one of many ways for a person to turn you down. You didn't get a relationship because the other person JUST WASN'T THAT INTO YOU. If she were into you she would have let you know.

I think you got the cause and the effect mixed up.