Stuck in confusion

Page 2 of 2 [ 30 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2

Previous topic | Next topic

Subotai
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Sep 2010
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,036
Location: 日本

18 Feb 2012, 10:26 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

Who_Am_I wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

Pay your GF some respect and don't hang out with gaggles of single women.

What about her giving him the respect to trust that he won't jump into bed with a woman the second he's left alone with them?

You're missing the point. It's not about that.

Clearly you don't understand social dynamics.

Well, what is the point then?
If she can't trust him to resist advances, why is she with him in the first place? Is it a given that all humans will jump into bed with any member of the opposite sex who shows interest, unless they're kept on a short leash?

Oh, and that last sentence of yours comes across as just insulting me because you have no good argument against my point. Naturally, if I'm mistaken and you do, you'll be able to present it.

Social dynamics are more complex than that, hale_bopp.
Certain individuals have different comfort levels in different areas. And it is all very situational.

Dillogic
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Nov 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,339

19 Feb 2012, 2:41 am

hale_bopp wrote:

Clearly you don't understand social dynamics.

You'll have to forgive her for being too smart to understand something so irrational.

justalouise
Velociraptor

Joined: 20 Jan 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 433

19 Feb 2012, 3:22 am

Talk to your girlfriend and ask how she feels and what she would like to see happen.

Work something out that feels at least OK to both of you, whatever it may be.

Who_Am_I
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Aug 2005
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,632
Location: Australia

19 Feb 2012, 5:16 am

Dillogic wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

Clearly you don't understand social dynamics.

You'll have to forgive her for being too smart to understand something so irrational.

Why thank you.

(Oh no, we addressed each other publicly. Now we've annoyed the entire forum.

)

_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I

Marxeus
Butterfly

Joined: 3 Jan 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 12

20 Feb 2012, 1:13 pm

I think it's come down to the fact that I will continue to be kind, but the idea of hanging out without asking or without a group probably isn't the best idea. My girlfriend and I have had some fights about this and it has become clear to me...somewhat. I know it's going to be tough to fully understand how people feel about this or why they do, but I think I can get the basic idea. Thanks for the input guys, it actually did shed some light for me to see a more reliable path for me to follow on this.

hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

20 Feb 2012, 2:32 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

Who_Am_I wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

Pay your GF some respect and don't hang out with gaggles of single women.

What about her giving him the respect to trust that he won't jump into bed with a woman the second he's left alone with them?

You're missing the point. It's not about that.

Clearly you don't understand social dynamics.

The "point" is this that some women get offended when their partner pays more attention to his random single female friends than to her. It's not strictly about "trust" or "jumping into bed" with them.

Maybe not to you, me or other people here, but to most people, relationships are competitive and people want to keep their partner interested in them. They feel that the emotional attachment to other single people if it's strong diminishes the importance of their romantic relationship.

hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

20 Feb 2012, 2:32 pm

Subotai wrote:

Who_Am_I wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

Who_Am_I wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

Pay your GF some respect and don't hang out with gaggles of single women.

What about her giving him the respect to trust that he won't jump into bed with a woman the second he's left alone with them?

You're missing the point. It's not about that.

Clearly you don't understand social dynamics.

Social dynamics are more complex than that, hale_bopp.
Certain individuals have different comfort levels in different areas. And it is all very situational.

You're 100% correct. However, I'm talking about the bell curve.

hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

20 Feb 2012, 2:33 pm

Dillogic wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

Clearly you don't understand social dynamics.

You'll have to forgive her for being too smart to understand something so irrational.

That isn't an indication of intelligence. That would be trying to learn the way others think, even if they aren't like you.

fraac
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Mar 2011
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,865

20 Feb 2012, 2:37 pm

Marxeus wrote:

I am in a wonderful relationship with a girl whom I love dearly. She's beautiful, smart, kind and everything I want in a girl.

So I hang out with her a lot. Recently though, other girls want to hang out just for the hell of it. They are friends of mine from High School, and I am confused what to tell them. I know that it can be a little irritating for my girlfriend because she doesn't want it me to feel or be put in awkward situations. Plus she is a smidgen bit possessive. I want to make everyone happy, but I also don't want to make her feel uncomfortable with my decisions. Also, I have this tendency to try and help people with their problems by being supportive, so I am a little afraid that some have a small crush on me. I'm beginning to feel like one at my college does already. Overall my question is, what do I do? Should I just not hang out with other girls at all, or just try and make group hang outs so that my lovely won't feel uncomfortable.

Your first line is BS, which got my attention. The subtext is you like the attention and want to keep it going. It's understandable to want to be adored by many girls and to play them against each other. Just be careful you don't commit to one while you're still interested in playing the field.

hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

20 Feb 2012, 2:44 pm

fraac wrote:

Marxeus wrote:

I am in a wonderful relationship with a girl whom I love dearly. She's beautiful, smart, kind and everything I want in a girl.

fraac, this is a keen observation and i pretty much agree (minus the BS part, though worded more nicely it's spot-on).

Marxeus, it seems like the attention from these women is giving you something that your relationship lacks. an awareness of this can help you address that lack in the context of your relationship. having attention from these other women and/or having your girlfriend get jealous seems to do something for you.

you are at a crossroads now where your actions are causing too much distress for your girlfriend to handle. you might want to look deeply at why you're endangering your relationship just so that you can have multiple admirers.

_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105

rabbittss
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 29 Dec 2011
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,348

20 Feb 2012, 2:54 pm

hale_bopp wrote:

That would be trying to learn the way others think, even if they aren't like you.

Why would anyone want to do that? If they are like you, then you have a reasonable chance of figuring them out. If they aren't like you, it makes it that much more difficult to try and understand them. If they have NOTHING in common with you, it's all but impossible to ever learn to empathize with them on anything.

hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

20 Feb 2012, 3:00 pm

rabbittss wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

That would be trying to learn the way others think, even if they aren't like you.

I'm not saying you have to be friends with them.

It's about not being a narrow minded human being and practising wisdom. Personally I find studying the behaviour of people enlightening, it helps me learn about them, humanity in general and myself. It doesn't mean I like them or want to actually hang with them.

Then again, I like to watch people like animals in a zoo with an open mind as opposed to the narrow minded elitism of a lot of the people on this site. "They don't think like me, therefore they must be stupid and wrong" That's exactly the sort of NT treatment a lot of aspies complain about.

Last edited by hale_bopp on 20 Feb 2012, 3:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

20 Feb 2012, 3:04 pm

rabbittss wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

That would be trying to learn the way others think, even if they aren't like you.

that is really not true - i empathise with people who don't share any of the same interests as me, and it is even possible to have long-term relationships with people who don't like the same stuff.

for 20 years, i was with a christian man who liked speed metal and punk music, whose sense of humour was teenaged, who smoked weed, who had a model train layout, who likes meat-and-potatoes dinners. my sense of humour is juvenile, i am an atheist, i like ethnic and indie music (and ethnic food), i don't do drugs, and i had no interest in model trains back then. over time, we started to influence each other and we enriched each other with our interests. we respected each other's perspectives and we were open-minded.

if i had rejected him (or vice versa) because we didn't have similar interests we would have missed out on a fantastic opportunity.

_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105

rabbittss
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 29 Dec 2011
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,348

20 Feb 2012, 3:21 pm

I'm glad it worked out for you. But I don't think I could ever make something like that work. We have to have enough in common to begin with before I can even be comfortable talking to them.

Page 2 of 2 [ 30 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2

Jump to:

Stuck in confusion Post Reply New Topic

Stuck in confusion