How to break the desperation cycle?

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There's no consensus on what exactly constitutes "desperation". Some people have said when I say I want someone in my life, that it makes me "reek of desperation." I think that may be going a bit far, but I don't really have a balanced view of life so who knows...

This is true. I wish I had more in life that I was passionate about. I don't have a lot of interests/hobbies that I pursue. I like to work out, but I'm not sure if that qualifies. I have a nasty habit of eat/sleep/work and getting depressed about life in between. I guess relationships and finding a woman is a big interest because it is so elusive, and the information I receive about relationships is so conflicting that I'm always in pursuit of new information. It becomes an obsession in a way, but isn't that part of the human condition?

Picture a business selling cars. There's a big open space with lots of cars of all types, and people come along and buy them. Some go quite quickly, others take a little longer, because they need a certain kind of customer. But the key thing is that they all go eventually. Old ones, new ones, big ones, small ones... the colour, make and model may matter to some customers, but not to most of them - and sometimes the ones you'd least expect can get the most attention.

In the corner is an old car. It's been here a long time, and it hasn't been sold. The salesman is getting a bit worried about it, and after several people have come to see it and gone away, he's lowered the price several times. This seems to be even worse - now many customers are turning it down because it's so cheap, they think it must have serious problems. He's worried that eventually he'll have to have it scrapped.

But instead, he decides to make an effort. First, he gets the mechanics to look over it, fixing a few minor problems. Then he gives it a full valet service, has the paintwork touched up, makes it look shiny and new again. And finally he moves it to the centre of the lot, so more people will see it. And they do. Customers are all interested in this car. "Is it new?" they ask. "I've not seen it here before." The salesman tells them no, it's been here for years. It's just that now it's been given some attention.

You want to get somewhere?
* Give yourself an overhaul. Sort out any issues in your life first, such as job worries or debts.
* Clean yourself up. A new wardrobe, a new haircut, it can all add some confidence, and it will attract attention.
* Don't sell yourself short. If you lower your standards too much, all your potential partners will have theirs too high for you.
* Get out there! You'll never meet anyone new if you hang around the same old places.
* Don't get hung up on long term relationships. Love is built on shared experience, not decided in advance. Telling a girl you want to spend the rest of your life with her within the first week will freak her out.

I dont really know how to answer this any time I give a answer to a question I get caught out of context.

AH AH, wei wu wei!! I find wu wei helps me with dating.

I had a cabernet sauvignon assisted satori years ago about quitting looking for a partner, then a few months after stopping I starting dating a women who I had a relationship with for six years.

People often criticize me for not being girl crazy and having kids already. They even say I'll die alone, as an old man in a recliner, with no one to take care of me in my old age.... all alone.


This is probably quite accurate.

I for one am turned off by desperation because of that, they're only pursuing me out of desperation, not because they genuinely desire me.

Nothing insults me more than knowing I was scrapings at the bottom of their barrel because they've already trawled through and been rejected by all the better fish.

The only bit of advice I can offer that I didn't see already mentioned is this;

Stop comparing your success or lack thereof to other people. You are living your own damn life. The measuring stick of your success should not be other people.

You compared how other people are in relationships, and what other people have that you don't have...stop this, cut it right out. It is like an emotional cancer.