How do the older members (30+) cope with singleness?

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Adam82
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08 Mar 2012, 5:40 pm

I will be 30 in six months. I don't really cope with it very well at all. I just bury myself in my nerdy Aspie hobbies. Never had a girlfriend, and I just try to find other (legal) ways to numb the pain of it all.



CrazyStarlightRedux
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08 Mar 2012, 5:58 pm

Adam82 wrote:
I will be 30 in six months. I don't really cope with it very well at all. I just bury myself in my nerdy Aspie hobbies. Never had a girlfriend, and I just try to find other (legal) ways to numb the pain of it all.


I tend to do this too...but I seem to be getting worse in my spending habits these days and I want to stop!



RazorEddie
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08 Mar 2012, 6:26 pm

I don't really have a problem with it but I've never been in a relationship or even wanted one so I don't have any comparison. I a quite happy with my interests and hobbies. To be honest I can't imagine living with someone now.


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Adam82
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08 Mar 2012, 6:51 pm

CrazyStarlightRedux wrote:
Adam82 wrote:
I will be 30 in six months. I don't really cope with it very well at all. I just bury myself in my nerdy Aspie hobbies. Never had a girlfriend, and I just try to find other (legal) ways to numb the pain of it all.


I tend to do this too...but I seem to be getting worse in my spending habits these days and I want to stop!


Same here. I spend way too much on collecting stuff, have to scale it down.



MissConstrue
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08 Mar 2012, 6:56 pm

Like I have since I was 13 and up, music, cats, using my imagination, etc. Not sure age or turning 30 has made me cope any differently. Actually I felt worse when I was trying to be in a relationship with someone who turned out abusive. The other temperament ones didn't work out so great either, in fact I was miserable. So I don't really know what I'm missing apart from the sex and then the ideation of being with someone.


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shrox
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08 Mar 2012, 7:27 pm

I miss being married, I don't like being alone like this.



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08 Mar 2012, 7:48 pm

I'm 58 and have never had a relationship or even a girlfriend. It's not a matter of liking my freedom more. I think "freedom" is more of an issue for young people and not so much for people my age. The idea of a relationship is attractive but the reality doesn't work for me. I've tried several times. I seem to be incapable of making the emotional connections with another person for that sort of relationship to work. Faulty brain chemicals I guess. After several attempts over decades I've given up. I made the decision to keep busy with my interests and be as happy as possible. My only real concern is what am I going to do when I get really old (assuming I make it) and have no family for support.



Grisha
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08 Mar 2012, 9:29 pm

Adam82 wrote:
I will be 30 in six months. I don't really cope with it very well at all. I just bury myself in my nerdy Aspie hobbies. Never had a girlfriend, and I just try to find other (legal) ways to numb the pain of it all.


I find nerdy Aspie hobbies and a cat to be extremely useful myself, along with socializing on the Internet.



Lonermutant
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09 Mar 2012, 7:47 am

Simple. I see my self as a person with Autism, not as a single person or a virgin.



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09 Mar 2012, 8:04 am

I have more fun by myself than I ever do with other people.

Simple (I'm 30).



richardbenson
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09 Mar 2012, 1:37 pm

Well i gotta say, I have develouped addictions due to lonelyness. wich i seem to always be trying to overcome, :roll: but at this point in the game i'd probably be abusive to someone else so its probably best i stay single hah


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bruinsy33
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09 Mar 2012, 3:44 pm

It used to bother me a great deal not to have a romantic partner but now that I know I have AS it explains a lot.I am still hopeful I can have a great romantic relationship. I exercise ,watch what I eat and think I look much younger than my actual age .With new awareness[I have AS ] combined with other factors[still looking very young and in good shape] I am very confident I can find someone who is meant for me .



techstepgenr8tion
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09 Mar 2012, 4:34 pm

I realize I'm out of sync with most people, being outside the bell curve is always a double-edged sword and it doesn't matter if your below, left, right, in front, behind, or even above center-mass, the number of people who you can really be heart-felt with and the number of people who you don't butt heads with on a deeper level get fewer and fewer.

I'm not *too* far over the 30 line but my attitude is that I'll continue to improve myself and continue to build the solid foundation that I want in this world. There's still a lot more that I want out of myself achievement-wise and in a way, the silver lining of not being married with kids or even dating is that I have the mental reserves to spend in such ways. At the same time, with the level of patience people have these days for each other, I sometimes wonder whether I want to test my luck at all. My story is probably the same as it is for most post-30 singles; I either want a good relationship or nothing. If something good comes, great, if not - meh, I'll pass. Its bad enough to be mischaracterized by people who don't know me when I'm not tied to them, having then legally chained to me though... that's something I can't even imagine.


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Last edited by techstepgenr8tion on 09 Mar 2012, 8:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Brianruns10
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09 Mar 2012, 8:42 pm

Honestly, some days the only thing that keeps me from putting down a bottle of pills is the thought that tomorrow I'll meet someone who can tolerate me.



Kyra71
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09 Mar 2012, 8:47 pm

I enjoyed being married, but overall I definitely prefer being single.



mglosenger
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10 Mar 2012, 1:08 am

Sometimes I'll meet someone who I feel I could have a relationship with, but then I realize.. what would I really do with this person? What would I really do with anyone? Just hang out at the house and stare at each other? Or what?

There is some part of me that wants endless physical companionship, but my brain always overrides it.. and lately I'm not even crazy about sex anymore.. so.. why bother :) It's just extra work.

Now, if the internet/TV/movies didn't exist, I imagine I'd either have some sort of romantic relationship, or I'd make up a detailed reality with which I would basically have a romantic relationship.