I "met" an aspie guy.....I need help understanding

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Yes, he flirts with me. I don't think his asperger's is very strong. He says that he doesn't really understand non-verbal social cues, women because he's too shy to interact, he also shows light sensitivity and he told me he's particular about what he eats, and certain fabrics. He says he gets when I'm being sarcastic sometimes. When I told him I'm not turned on all the time he said something that sounded like a verbatim statement about women taking long to become aroused. This is the major problem with me, mentally. I'm not sure how severe an aspie he really is just yet. He seems moreso quirky, but he is an aspie, he said he had all the paperwork. I joked with him to bring it on our meeting, that I only date aspies...

In this case, you might just have to be more logical and straightforward, and avoid dropping hints so much and be straightforward. I think you'll have to get to know him better though.

That first paragraph is so funny and sweet. I think this guy might be somewhat like that! I'm wondering if he thinks sex IS the relationship, you know? Interesting....

When I'm talking to him I feel a warmth for him that I don't quite understand. I guess I will have to update with whatever happens in person, but I can say that I think I like him too much for the amount of time I've known him.

This goes against all my senses but I will do just that. THank you.

Hmm, I could but this again goes against my personality. It will make me less empathetic towards him. This is a terrible outcome from me personally.

Ha! Cute ending there. I think the laughing is a defense mechanism in multiple ways, he uses it to feint understanding, to relax stressful situations, and to buy thinking time. A little piece of why I like for him to talk is the laughing, even though I know this. He looks a lot happier, lol....

Sorry if I'm doing a bunch of arbitrary replying.

I'm reading the messages backwards. I'm at work and everyone just left so I want to reply before I leave for him, food, and bras.

Thank you for the reassurance. I do like him, a lot for the time period we've known each other especially. I tend to get attached easily though and I'm vulnerable in similar ways to him. Though I've never told him this.

Random question: If this goes down the relationship path is it possible I'll see good results in him giving me the things I desire? I'm very giving, which is why I'm trying to understand him more so that I can alter my behavior the best way for this whole thing. Are aspie's hard to get to understand certain things? Like, I really like for a guy to be attentive whether physically or vocally. If we were to date we'd be long distance (though not that long, not to me or him it seems). I've done this before and communication is key. Is he able to understand and comply to this? He may not do certain things on his own, but it can be like a learning process as it is in other relationships...I assumed.

I mentioned this before, but I just remembered something. Maybe sex really is the relationship to him. I like a certain type of sex the most and he expressed a desire to learn to be that way for me. Maybe that means something....

Well, I can't think what you want. Basically, you need to ask him what we wants eventually.

I'm pretty damn needy and my guy is very affectionate; sometimes it's too much and I back off, other times we do some very silly things to each other that I don't think "normal" couples do.... There is something pure in our interactions, it's hard to describe but it's really cool.... if you're clear with what you want/expect and it makes sense to the guy, he'll loyally and consistently meet your needs. If you play "women mind games" it will go south really fast... but you really don't sound like that kind of person, you sound very loving and sweet, hopefully things will work out in person for you two.

Most likely yes, but like you and the other posters have said, you gotta go against your senses and explicitly state what you desire. Don't forget, as Tequila mentioned, to ask what he wants of the relationship eventually.



Here's a bit of advice that anyone on the forum can correct me on if they wish. Most of the time when something's intuitive or implied to an NT, it's either not that glaringly obvious to an Aspie or it would probably take a lot more work for the Aspie to notice. Considering you mentioned something about him not having that much experience with women, he probably does know about relationships being a learning process, but vocalize it anyway in case he doesn't. It could probably save quite a few communication problems down the road!!



That's a pretty good sign, then!! From what you've said, it seems he's willing to be close with you!! Take the advice you've gotten here and, who knows, you might be on your way to a good relationship!! Good luck

In actuality I'm usually pretty to the point. I think my personality tends to turn off other guys because I'm a little too honest and upfront about how I feel and what I want. I find most people are very guarded in their intentions (which is why I've learned to spot out liars ASAP). I think if he would like this could be a very fortunate meeting.

Thanks so much! I hope things work out as well.

The next chance I get I plan to ask him. Lol, in fact I think I'm going to pull one of his moves and type out what I want to ask so that I'm clear and easy to understand without all the "like, um"'s that tend to happen when I'm nervous. I think I just realized I'm pretty similar to him..>_>

So, do you think me telling him that I have a crush on him penetrated at all? XD

I will take this advice, this is a really nice forum. I've often joined forums and receive no feedback or a very hostile "inner circle" type of environment. I was dating a guy who went into the military and was pretty much hounded and berated by a group of women on a military significant other's forum. I said something that was misunderstood and after defending my point for about two hours (literally) they didn't want to let go and the whole time they were throwing snarky insults like "he's better off without you" because I expressed a disappointment in my ex quitting bootcamp. It was nasty, even the mods were apart of it or told ME that I should just be quiet....I'm glad this forum is more welcoming.

This is the main thing. You have got to be very clear - and expect clarity in return. If he's not being clear, it's not going to work. Don't let him mess you about.



You've picked up that habit of emboldening the names of other users too! Excellent stuff AScomposer13413!

Mess with me? I think he's been rather clear so far, but I'll look out for that. There is the off chance that he is unsure though.

Thank you, Tequila

MissingSei, if he's unsure, I'd be surprised if he chose to keep quiet on it. Again, it all goes back to the recurring piece of advice stated on this thread. If you're like that with him, he will be when he's ready

"Mess you about", was more than likely confusing UK slang.