Am I the only one?

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Joined: 13 Apr 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 204

20 Apr 2012, 12:21 am

Yeah, I'm the same.

If I'm going to take the time and effort to cultivate a relationship with someone, I'm only going to do so with someone I can picture spending my life with, who I really care about that deeply. I can't imagine dating someone just because I have a minor crush on them.

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Wolfheart
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Joined: 17 Feb 2011
Age: 36
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20 Apr 2012, 12:52 am

Lytig wrote:

I will not date somebody if I can't at least in some way see it lasting. Obviously it doesn't always but I think it is pointless dating somebody that you can't see a future with. It would just be too much work and stress. Why get in to a relationship when you know going in to it that there is an expiration date on it?

Ever heard of casual relationships? Sometimes relationships are good that are mutually beneficial without having the emotional pressure or commitment of having to lead somewhere. Personally I would hate it if someone pressured me that the relationship should lead somewhere as in marriage, I think too many people in society get married too quickly and I won't marry someone unless I've lived with them for 5 to 10 years.

Lytig
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Joined: 3 Apr 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 42

20 Apr 2012, 2:52 am

Wolfheart wrote:

Lytig wrote:

I wasn't trying to say that I would pressure somebody to marry me. I did not mean it like that. I meant that I don't see the point in me personally pursuing a relationship that I can't see having any potential future. I'm not saying it will happen, I'm just saying that I can't date people if I don't see at least a possibility of being happy with them in the long-term. That is just me, though. I am not meaning or trying to pressure anybody else into my way of thinking. I am sorry if it came across that way.

TheHouseholdCat
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Joined: 29 Feb 2012
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20 Apr 2012, 11:12 am

Taybot97 wrote:

lilbetta wrote:

OMG me too! must be an aspie thing, i dont like the dating scene and when i look for a signifigant other it is actually me looking for a possible future wife, i dont wanna waste my time on something that has no purposeful ending..

Exactly, What is the benefit of going out with somebody for maybe a month. I've literally seen a girl go through more boyfriends than years I've been alive (15) in the time I've been with my girlfriend (4 months Friday). I chose her because I saw potential for Long term, wife seems too optimistic but I can see a few years a head at this rate if everything goes as good or better as now.

I guess because people want to try things out.

I can't say I'm looking for a potential husband or something because I can't say I am fond of marriage or having kids.

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falonsayswoah
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Joined: 26 Mar 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 59
Location: Oregon, USA

29 Apr 2012, 4:42 pm

Lytig wrote:

I can never date somebody without thinking of the possibility and hope of a permanent future. I can't see the point of dating anybody otherwise? I can never do fun and uncomplicated relationships. I dive head first into relationships. I don't get the game of it at all. I've been dating my boyfriend for just over a year and when we first started dating, it did not take long at all for me to get super serious. I will not date somebody if I can't at least in some way see it lasting. Obviously it doesn't always but I think it is pointless dating somebody that you can't see a future with. It would just be too much work and stress. Why get in to a relationship when you know going in to it that there is an expiration date on it?

I'm the same way. When I really like someone, I can't imagine anything other than have a life long relationship. I've never dated anyone, but I just can't casually date. I've scared off a lot of people because of this. One time I got close to having a romantic relationship with someone and she said that us cuddling in bed was just her testing to see if she liked me; I was extremely upset. We had only been flirting for a few weeks, but I was already completely invested and totally serious about everything. When she tried to explain why she did not want to date me she said something like, "I'm 15... I don't want to be with one person right now. I'm young. I don't know where I'll be in five years." I just couldn't understand this because since I've been interested in romantic relationships, I've always imagined long term. Seriously, probably since I was 11-years-old, that's what I've wanted. If I like someone and I can picture myself being with them for years, I put everything into wooing them. This is when I scare them off... I've tried several times to just "go with the flow" and not get attached too quickly (several friends have told me this is what I need to work on), but when I like someone it's kind of like... Aren't I supposed to care for them as much as I can? Shouldn't I show them how much I like them and want to be with them? I guess people don't like the direct approach.

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Diagnosis: Major Depressive Affective Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Mild PTSD, Agoraphobia with Panic Disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder of childhood with hyperactivity (more inattentive, though), Mild OCD, Social Phobia, Tourette's Syndrome

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