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A thought on nice guys

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Wolfheart
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13 Apr 2012, 1:37 pm

Roman wrote:
When you know you are being a jerk you won't be defending yourself nearly as much as you do when you are being a nice guy, and the process of defending yourself is what turns people off?


It really stems from self approval and validation, if someone is confident in who they are, they won't seem like they require validation, they will be persistent and committed in their actions and choices. Nice guys struggle in this aspect as they are constantly seeking validation or approval, you need to be more assertive in your actions and less hesitant, if you are going to commit to an action, you need to commit to it. It takes time to develop assertiveness but you can develop it through cognitive behavioural therapy.



lapinmort
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13 Apr 2012, 2:04 pm

A confident, dominant, and controlled attitude mixed with a good sense of humor in a man attracts women at the gut level. And you don't have to be extremely rich or influential to have that attitude. Just like money, either you have it, or you have to learn and earn it. I can't see anyone stopping you but yourself.



hyperlexian
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13 Apr 2012, 2:12 pm

lapinmort wrote:
A confident, dominant, and controlled attitude mixed with a good sense of humor in a man attracts women at the gut level. And you don't have to be extremely rich or influential to have that attitude. Just like money, either you have it, or you have to learn and earn it. I can't see anyone stopping you but yourself.

erm.... what? some of what you've said makes sense, but some of it does not. men don't really need to be "dominant" or have a "controlled attitude" to be attractive to women. that sounds like a caricature.


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edgewaters
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15 Apr 2012, 8:30 am

Roman wrote:
It just occured to me as to why I tend to annoy people a lot more when I screw up by accident then I ever would be able to annoy them on purpose. You see, if I do something that I KNOW would insult people, then I don't really get hurt by seing them insulted, since thats what I expected anyway. Hence I get over it quite quickly. On the other hand, if I insult people by accident, then I feel extremely hurt about it, so I go on and on and on trying to 'explain myself' in order to correct 'such a silly misunderstanding'. And, whenever I try to do that, people get more and more angry. Could that be why nice guys are worse off than jerks? When you know you are being a jerk you won't be defending yourself nearly as much as you do when you are being a nice guy, and the process of defending yourself is what turns people off?


No, it has nothing to do with being nice or being a jerk. There are sometimes nice people who are very popular, and jerks who aren't. Why jerks are usually popular and "nice" guys aren't, is because jerks are usually confident, and it's confidence that's popular - not being a jerk. It's simply incidental that most jerks are confident. But those who aren't, you will readily see, do not enjoy much popularity. Likewise, nice people who are confident tend to be just as popular (usually moreso) than jerks.

Also, being shy and awkward doesn't necessarily mean someone isn't a jerk. I've known several people who were shy and awkward and conformed to the stereotype of a "nice" person, and yet, could be manipulative and disloyal. Likewise I've known some people who were very loud and rude, but would readily make sacrifices (of time, money, or lost opportunity) to help someone who needed help, with no expectation of reward or even praise.