How do you tell a girl you like them

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Ideal first date: lunch. Not at, like, a cheap greasy spoon (unless it's a local nostalgiac gem or something), but not at a high dollar bistro, either.

Heck... somewhere like Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf (not as typical as Starbucks) where you can munch on cheesecake and $5 chai lattes would probably be ideal. Inexpensive, quick in-and-out (something you could do on your lunch break) like fast food, and yet fairly upscale.

Don't make it sound like a big huge epic thing. Just say "hey, we ought to meet at [fill in the blank] for lunch. How about thursday?" A dirty trick but make it awkward for her to hit you with a convenient refusal.

If lunch goes well, then maybe something like dinner or a stroll through a big city park or whatever else... at a later date.

p.s. This ain't firsthand knowledge on my part. I'm merely regurgitating stuff I've read elsewhere.

Once upon a time, earlier this year actually, I called an aspie girl on the phone to ask her to go see a movie with me. My delivery was pathetic but she still said yes . When I asked her out again I sounded even weaker than the first time, and she said no, but I don't think my way of asking her had much to do, I think she cried the day after we went out so who knows what the hell was going on inside her little head. This is what I should have told her (but I was too weak to be that honest with her):



By the way I think movies are great for first dates, you sit side by side, so there's no eye contact and you don't have to talk much for two hours, and slowly you get used to being together.

IMHO the ideal first date is to a move then to go get hot chocolate afterwards. Only seeing a movie might leave little chance to talk, while if you have lunch, you might be too pressed to talk.

Plus, the idea of seeing a movie then getting hot chocolate is just sweet (the lovable sweet, not the awesome, nor the sugary one).

I think movies are a good first date because if conversation is difficult between you, you don't have to talk. The conversation problem may be only a temporary thing, which might kill it if you had nothing else to do but talk, like at a coffee shop. Dancing is also good for that reason.

I think aspies should learn to partner dance. Some of the dances are actually quite easy, e.g. salsa or East Coast swing (aka jive). Also, dance lessons force the guys to socialize briefly with lots of women, including touching them. It's good practice and helps you learn to talk to different types of girls.

Plus, good exercise... I sometimes watch people get in better shape over the weeks of these classes. (You have to practice.) Aaaand... dance classes almost always have more women than men.

Then there's liquor. Depending on the parties involved, that can be good on a first date, too.

How do I tell a girl I like them? I stutter and stammer and eventually get the words out, only to be told something along the lines of "I think we should see other people/I'm married to the sea/I don't want to kill you, but I will..."

Or, indeed, those three simple words: "I am gay."

Seriously, though - the last time I asked somebody out, I just invited them to a movie, without mentioning the L-word. She bailed, sure (after stringing me along for about a day or so - which was a bit mean, even if she didn't intend it to be...), but that was the best option I had in mind.

Good question, deserves my full answer:
For me it all comes down to how you ask them out and what their response is. How I ask someone out depends on how well (and how long) I know the girl and whether I think that she might like me back or not.

In the case that I think the girl likes me I would go with the straightforward "hey, wanna go see X" where X is the name of a film.
When I'm less certain about the girls potential response I'd be slightly more specific with something like "hey, wanna go see X on Y night" and Y is the day of the week in question, this gives the girl in question an easy way to let you down (see further down).
I'f I'm completely unsure about a girls response I'd be even more definite with "I'm going to see X on Y, want to come along". This is also an easy sentence to say because it's very easy to get to that point in a conversation, all you do is ask her what's she's doing, with something like "what are you doing at the weekend", she'll probably reciprocate and ask you the same.

In either case it's (hopefully) straightforward to handle both the positive and negative response. In the past I've had problems with the "I'm busy" type of response although these days I'm better at recognising what the meaning is. So, generally speaking the responses, in order going from negative to positive:
"I'm busy": means "no"
"I'm busy on Y": means "no" and probably also means that further dates are not on the cards.
"Thanks for the offer, but I'm busy on Y": means "no" but in this case I would probably ask again, or maybe at the time probe for another possible film/date combination down the line.
"I can't make it on Y": again further probing required.
"I'm busy, but how about some other time", this is a potential "yes", I'd jump straight in here and ask about a potential date the following week, if she fobs you off again then it looks like a "no"

The fact that you are asking them out alone is enough to at least indicate that you might like them, but for me I have to go out with someone before I learn if I like them or not, it's only when you get someone alone that you really get to know them, so for me saying "I like you" up front would be a lie. But hey, that's just me, I like to draw a distinction between liking someone and being attracted to someone if you know what I mean.

First thing is first,

While rejection is a huge fear when asking one out on a date, the worst they can say is no. This is something even NT males have to deal with it seems and is probably even worse for them.

Best way to solve this age old problem is to ditch your pride at the door and just ask her. Life moves on

A few good examples would be:

1) Ask towards the end of a good conversation "Say, would you like to go see a movie with me on (insert date here)".

The best thing about making sure you ask towards the end of a rather good conversation is that even if you are rejected, it honestly wont hurt as much and they will still want to be your friend in the end. I have discovered that this approach works 99.9% of the time I have used it.

2) Find out what kind of movies she likes (or food, don't be a stalker about it either) and ask her to go see a movie in the genre she likes or if she'd like to have lunch somewhere that makes her special meals.

As for the many ways women can say no. Take them with a grain of salt. Not all "I'm busy"'s mean no to a date. Some women like a little persistance

No, don't specify a day for the date to occur! If you don't ask an open-ended question, you make it hard for her to say yes if she happens to be busy that night!

So...how does the person know if it's a date or just a friendly outing? Friends see movies and have lunch with each other all the time. I think that it should be clear in some way that it is indeed a date to avoid confusion later, though I do agree that the importance of it shouldn't be overstated (even if it is in your mind)--after all, you don't want to intimidate the poor person!

Don't tell her you like her, then ask if she'd like to go to a movie.

Never tell a girl you like her. They don't like that. In fact, the more of a jerk you are, the better your chances. Most of all, don't be polite or gentlemanly. Women today just don't respond to that. You've got to be something of an a**hole.

My first meetings are always at weird random partys, or a bar, in the past they've all been drug related in the beginning

Do NOT tell her you like her. I cant stress how important it is to leave stuff like that until after you have established a relationship and have been together at least a little while. If you go up to a girl and tell her you like her, there's a huge chance that you're going to scare her off -- unless she just happens to have some huge crush on you.

Just ask her out. Its that simple. Tell her you have an extra ticket to a game, or your friend backed out on some movie you really wanted to see and you were hoping she might go with you instead. Make it sound casual -- if you dont, you put stress on her because she knows its a "date" and will immediately put up her defences. On the date, dont talk about how you feel -- that can just blow up in your face in so many ways. SHOW her how you feel, a playfull little poke/prod, hand on the back or arm around her shoulders... work your way up, if she seems into it, go for a huge, then at the end of the date go for the kiss. If you've been making lots of physical contact the whole night you'll know already if she's going to let you kiss her, if you just try to do the kiss w/o any of the other stuff neither of you are going to feel comfortable with it, and you'll probably just get the cheek.

If all goes well, keep doing the same thing... I always wait for the girl to tell me her feelings first, partially because I suck at expressing myself, but also because I know all too well how it can backfire and cause them to never talk to you again. The key to it all is baby steps!

goodluck