The Big Maybe

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And the rest of us have no clue how.

If you want there to be more girls, make it a nice place for girls to be.

I think part of that (just part) is that when a lot of guys who are "awkward" get together, it can create an environment that is actively hostile to women. When guys come here to "vent" or complain about women or display bad attitudes about women, it makes it an uncomfortable place to be a woman.
You see this in online gaming / gaming forums where the women who do participate often hide their gender to avoid being flamed and sexually harassed.
If you want there to be more girls, make it a nice place for girls to be.

The guys wouldn't be awkward if they hadn't been turned down constantly ... This leads to the bitter, angry attitude

The thing is, it doesn't have to. The reason it does is because people externalize their problems because they're not willing to accept self responsibility for some of the problems, or indulge in defeatism so they don't have to. This is a cycle that can be broken - its all a question of the attitudes people choose to take. Frankly its a choice between attitudes formed by logic or emotion.

What you are suggesting is that in order to do better.. the socially awkward guys should.. well .. just stop being socially awkward.

Not at all.

It's simple. I don't blame women for me being awkward. So I don't get that frustration and hate some have against them. It's also ... true. It's nobody's fault I am the way I am. Not mine, not anybody else's. It just is. It's less than ideal for sure, but ... I just have to be stoic about it.

Because if you're going to get frustrated without women, you're going to get frustrated when you're with them too. It's that old saying, women, can't live with them, can't live without them, it's equally frustrating no matter what. If your technique to manage that frustration is to get into a vicious cycle of hate and recrimination, that'll be what happens in a relationship too once that early phase of being sort of buzzed wears off.

Not at all.

It's simple. I don't blame women for me being awkward. So I don't get that frustration and hate some have against them. It's also ... true. It's nobody's fault I am the way I am. Not mine, not anybody else's. It just is. It's less than ideal for sure, but ... I just have to be stoic about it. That's the hand I got dealt. I could wish I got dealt a different hand all I like, be angry that others got dealt a better hand, but in the end my best bet is just to take what I've got and come up with the best strategy I can.

What you are suggesting is that in order to do better.. the socially awkward guys should.. well .. just stop being socially awkward. Not really much chance of that happening is there? I guess it resolves you of having to come up with a real solution.. much easier to just blame the victim.

Take your Randian self responsibility and sell it some place else, cause I'm not interested.

Now is the winter of our discontent
Made glorious summer by this sun of York;
And all the clouds that lour'd upon our house
In the deep bosom of the ocean buried.
Now are our brows bound with victorious wreaths;
Our bruised arms hung up for monuments;
Our stern alarums chang'd to merry meetings,
Our dreadful marches to delightful measures.
Grim-visag'd war hath smooth'd his wrinkled front,
And now, instead of mounting barbed steeds
To fright the souls of fearful adversaries,
He capers nimbly in a lady's chamber
To the lascivious pleasing of a lute.
But I-that am not shap'd for sportive tricks,
Nor made to court an amorous looking-glass-
I-that am rudely stamp'd, and want love's majesty
To strut before a wanton ambling nymph-
I-that am curtail'd of this fair proportion,
Cheated of feature by dissembling nature,
Deform'd, unfinish'd, sent before my time
Into this breathing world scarce half made up,
And that so lamely and unfashionable
That dogs bark at me as I halt by them-
Why, I, in this weak piping time of peace,
Have no delight to pass away the time,
Unless to spy my shadow in the sun
And descant on mine own deformity.
And therefore, since I cannot prove a lover
To entertain these fair well-spoken days,
I am determined to prove a villain
And hate the idle pleasures of these days.
Plots have I laid, inductions dangerous,
By drunken prophecies, libels, and dreams,
To set my brother Clarence and the King
In deadly hate the one against the other;
And if King Edward be as true and just
As I am subtle, false, and treacherous,
This day should Clarence closely be mew'd up-
About a prophecy which says that G
Of Edward's heirs the murderer shall be.

Can I be honest with you?.

Yes there are two different approaches to this problem. Each of them has its good sides and each of them has its bad sides, Im going to go over them now.

First approach would be to tell you that the world sucks and its not your fault.
The pro of this approach is that it makes you feel better almost instantly.
The con is that the world is still going to suck no matter how many times we complain about its "suckiness" so this good feeling isnt going to last for long because the same thing will keep happening over and over and over and over... and this is a vicious cycle since the world isnt going to change and you are unlikely to decide to change by yourself.
Trust me I spent my time thinking that the everything sucked and I was a victim and I had some people that symphatized with me, the only thing that made me better approaching people of either gender was working on my approach instead of complaining about how my current approach wasnt successful.
It took me a while to see that things werent going to be sorted by themselves but you are more than free to ignore it and go down your own path.

Then theres the "the only element in common in all this events is you so you may need to try to work on yourself" approach.
Cons: working in yourself isnt an easy task, results arent guaranteed, this sort of thing can be shamed upon by society so you may need to be carefull about how you talk about it with...
Pros: If you manage to make some improvements they are likelier to last than the instant feel good and you will start seeing some good changes on how people act around you.


Can you honestly say that you dont see why people everywhere keep encouraging the second approach over the first one?

Another con with it is that if things don't improve much after working on yourself a while; you could start blaming yourself & feel like you are the problem no matter what you do which causes you to have no self esteem & get depressed.

No, I honestly cannot see why anyone would undertake the second approach. You are advocating the same thing every guidance councilor, therapist, teacher, doctor and parent I've ever talked to has said.. CONFORM or DIE.

If it's not your fault, you have no responsibility to fix it.

Both of our approaches are about as equally effective, yours just requires a lot more work on your part.