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The problem with letting a woman know you care about looks

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edgewaters
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30 May 2012, 5:15 pm

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:
A flesh eating disease is a completely different scenario from doubling in weight.


Of course but it illustrates the principle: there are physical limitations to sexual attraction.



ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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30 May 2012, 5:25 pm

Yes, but extra weight can be worked at.



metaldanielle
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30 May 2012, 5:26 pm

Kurgan wrote:
If a man isn't attracted to someone, he's shallow. If a woman isn't attracted to someone, it's "lack of chemistry".

No one said that. Except for you. The title of the of the thread specifically says The problem with letting a woman know. I guess u missed that part. No one said you can't have a type. You just don't don't have to rub the fact that that she isn't attractive to you in her face. And yes some women are so sensitive that even mentioning an unattractive trait hurts them.



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30 May 2012, 5:28 pm

metaldanielle wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
If a man isn't attracted to someone, he's shallow. If a woman isn't attracted to someone, it's "lack of chemistry".

No one said that. Except for you. The title of the of the thread specifically says The problem with letting a woman know. I guess u missed that part. No one said you can't have a type. You just don't don't have to rub the fact that that she isn't attractive to you in her face. And yes some women are so sensitive that even mentioning an unattractive trait hurts them.


I never tell someone they're unattractive. When it comes to rejection or criticism, men are just as sensitive as women—especially if a man is criticized on something he's worked hard with.



edgewaters
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30 May 2012, 5:29 pm

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:
Yes, but extra weight can be worked at.


I know but the principle is the thing, not the specific example or the qualities of the specific example. Physical limitations to sexual attraction. It proves it. There's no more to it than that.



ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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30 May 2012, 5:31 pm

Not really. If you can't even help yourself or have the good sense to, then you're useless.



Last edited by ZX_SpectrumDisorder on 30 May 2012, 5:32 pm, edited 2 times in total.

edgewaters
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30 May 2012, 5:31 pm

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:
Not really.


Elaborate.



DogsWithoutHorses
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30 May 2012, 5:33 pm

Kurgan wrote:
metaldanielle wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
If a man isn't attracted to someone, he's shallow. If a woman isn't attracted to someone, it's "lack of chemistry".

No one said that. Except for you. The title of the of the thread specifically says The problem with letting a woman know. I guess u missed that part. No one said you can't have a type. You just don't don't have to rub the fact that that she isn't attractive to you in her face. And yes some women are so sensitive that even mentioning an unattractive trait hurts them.


I never tell someone they're unattractive. When it comes to rejection or criticism, men are just as sensitive as women—especially if a man is criticized on something he's worked hard with.


A lot of women but hard work into their appearance.
I think it's interesting you brought up sensitivity over something that's taken hard work as a male thing.


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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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30 May 2012, 5:33 pm

I did.



DW_a_mom
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30 May 2012, 5:33 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
In real life, I don't see that women are less caring about the men's looks.


You are rather missing the point, aren't you?

As someone posted earlier, you guys rant and rant about rejection, about wanting to know what women want, or why they act certain ways, but when we tell you, you argue about it.

What Emily on that show said reflects how real women, that I know in real life, feel, and you are not going to change that feeling by pointing out how shallow you think women are or arguing against it. Get a clue and use it, or accept the increased odds of ending up alone and biter. Your choice.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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30 May 2012, 5:38 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
In real life, I don't see that women are less caring about the men's looks.


You are rather missing the point, aren't you?

As someone posted earlier, you guys rant and rant about rejection, about wanting to know what women want, or why they act certain ways, but when we tell you, you argue about it.

What Emily on that show said reflects how real women, that I know in real life, feel, and you are not going to change that feeling by pointing out how shallow you think women are or arguing against it. Get a clue and use it, or accept the increased odds of ending up alone and biter. Your choice.


I am not pointing out how shallow women are, I am pointing out that many of them aren't that different from men.

and I am not like this guy in the main point.



mike_br
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30 May 2012, 5:40 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
Be aware, guys, that the naturally thin Emily was upset by this, as were woman all over the internet, and her explanation was this, not that she told him: she'd like to think that her husband falls in love with her heart, and not her looks.

Which, in a nutshell, is how all women I know in real life feel.

Make those kinds of comments, and women get turned off. Think all you want about fair or not fair, your right to be attracted, and so, but talk or think like that, and odds are good you move into the dud column with women you are interested in.

The right answer? If a girlfriend or wife gained weight, you can say you'd be concerned about her health, and would be willing to run with her or walk with her or cook for her to help her out, but you'd love her no matter what.


I don't love souls nor "hearts". I don't see them, I don't even believe in a soul.
I can love a woman and her attitude. I can love a caring woman with a beautiful smile who takes care or herself. I couldn't care less about weight in, let's say, 10 pound range, but I sure won't be attracted to a 200 pounds woman, it's just impossible. As impossible as being attracted to a woman who can't read a book and just watches TV.

A woman who is lazy, don't work out, stuff herself with sweets and blames society on "impossible standards" is NOT a woman whose attitude I'd approve and love. A woman who makes NO EFFORT to be interesting and accuses men of being "shallow"for not seeing her "beautiful interior" is irrelevant to me.

So yes... if a gf of mine gained weight, I'd encourage her to fight it. If I saw no effort, bye bye.

I read, study and work out. Why is it unreal or shallow to be attracted to someone like me?
You don't have to be a champion of fitness, have a phd or anything.... but really, make an effort.

EDIT: so... if someone asks me if I find obese women attractive, I'll say NO. It's that simple. I'd never point at a woman and state that she's unnatractive for no reason. I don't like to offend people, but I'll answer if asked.

That's how I see it.



Last edited by mike_br on 30 May 2012, 5:48 pm, edited 2 times in total.

edgewaters
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30 May 2012, 5:42 pm

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:
Not really. If you can't even help yourself or have the good sense to, then you're useless.


Someone who acquires some disfiguration is not "useless". Stephen Hawking is as useful as thousands of you. You will not likely ever approach being as useful as he is, and wouldn't in a hundred lifetimes. Neither would I. He is disfigured and he can't help that. He will probably never get laid. So what?

I'm sorry but this view seems cruel - if it was logical that would be one thing, but it's not even that, it's just cretinous.



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30 May 2012, 5:44 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
The title is sexist because it implies that only men express their caring of looks while women are non-shallow angels who are only about the inner-self: Total BS, I see girls and women all the time talking about men's looks and even negatively talking about some guy's looks.

spongy, you should lock this sexist thread.


Baloney.

I can't speak for how men respond to those types of comments, just to how women I know feel when they hear them.

You have not once acknowledged why it can hurt, just talked about how hurt runs both ways. It's like Russia v the US in the cold war: NOT the way to make connections. Unleashing the bombs just leaves everyone dead.

You are totally free to talk about how comments you have heard from women hurt you and other men you know. I may argue that it isn't the norm for women to make those comments, but I will NEVER argue that they should be making them or that your hurt isn't real. Guess what? When I was dating, I did listen when men told me how upsetting certain attitudes from women were, because I wanted to learn how to have a solid and loving relationship with a man. How can one do that if they remain unwilling to look at the other side? And that is my reason for sharing this information.


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Kurgan
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30 May 2012, 5:45 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
metaldanielle wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
If a man isn't attracted to someone, he's shallow. If a woman isn't attracted to someone, it's "lack of chemistry".

No one said that. Except for you. The title of the of the thread specifically says The problem with letting a woman know. I guess u missed that part. No one said you can't have a type. You just don't don't have to rub the fact that that she isn't attractive to you in her face. And yes some women are so sensitive that even mentioning an unattractive trait hurts them.


I never tell someone they're unattractive. When it comes to rejection or criticism, men are just as sensitive as women—especially if a man is criticized on something he's worked hard with.


A lot of women but hard work into their appearance.
I think it's interesting you brought up sensitivity over something that's taken hard work as a male thing.


Read my post again or stop heckling any man who posts here just to have someone to heckle. If a woman is unattractive, I don't tell her, but if she's interested in me, I don't insult her intelligence with bullcrap on how our horoscopes don't match or that there are no pink clouds/sparks/chemistry/[insert generic and vague excuse here] either. Some unattractive women know they are ugly, others don't. If they don't, I dont want to be the one bursting her plastic bubble.

I never said that hard work was a male thing.



Last edited by Kurgan on 30 May 2012, 5:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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30 May 2012, 5:46 pm

edgewaters wrote:
ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:
Not really. If you can't even help yourself or have the good sense to, then you're useless.


Someone who acquires some disfiguration is not "useless". Stephen Hawking is as useful as thousands of you. You will not likely ever approach being as useful as he is, and wouldn't in a hundred lifetimes. Neither would I. He is disfigured and he can't help that. He will probably never get laid. So what?

I'm sorry but this view seems cruel - if it was logical that would be one thing, but it's not even that, it's just cretinous.


Stephen Hawking got married twice and i think he has children.