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Have you ever changed your mind?

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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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03 Jun 2012, 3:27 am

IlovemyAspie wrote:
Do you think that a lot of Aspies are content with being alone?


Not if this thread's anything to go by. It's all new to me, I didn't know what AS was until around 6 months ago.
I do know that when I was with my ex for more than about 2 weeks, I did start to get a little figgety. I do like my own space, but not in a destructive way.



IlovemyAspie
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03 Jun 2012, 3:56 am

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:
IlovemyAspie wrote:
Do you think that a lot of Aspies are content with being alone?


Not if this thread's anything to go by. It's all new to me, I didn't know what AS was until around 6 months ago.
I do know that when I was with my ex for more than about 2 weeks, I did start to get a little figgety. I do like my own space, but not in a destructive way.


Yeah I guess I need to check out the "Why are you single" thread for insight.
Were you two together all the time? How much contact was just enough and how much was too much for you when you were dating?



ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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03 Jun 2012, 4:04 am

I have my own place and she lived with her parents. They owned their own business which went bankrupt after all their contracts moved to India, so she's supporting them. We did have plans to move in together when her parents got themselves back on their feet, but we split. I think it might have put a strain on us, but we'd have worked it out. I'd have to get to do my music crap, but we like the same music.



Scatmaster
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03 Jun 2012, 5:26 am

IlovemyAspie wrote:
Scatmaster wrote:
After a couple of years of terrible and short relationships, I needed some time to figure out more about myself and what I actually wanted. A year later, I met my current boyfriend. I told him that I wasn't looking to date someone. But I knew that I wanted him. It was a couple of weeks before I asked him to hang out, and eventually made a move on him. We've been together for three years now :)

What made me change my mind? I knew that good things were hard to come by. Even though I wasn't ready, he was, and would possibly find someone else while he waited for me to be ready.


What did he do when you said you weren't ready for a relationship?


Lol he later told me that what I said made him back off. He was actually considering that I was lesbian...

I was so awkward too, that when we hung out, I said that I think we should stop talking at work. I just wanted to be more productive.... But he took that as I didn't like him, and I had to work harder to make a move on him.



SilkySifaka
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03 Jun 2012, 5:39 am

Scatmaster wrote:
IlovemyAspie wrote:
Scatmaster wrote:
After a couple of years of terrible and short relationships, I needed some time to figure out more about myself and what I actually wanted. A year later, I met my current boyfriend. I told him that I wasn't looking to date someone. But I knew that I wanted him. It was a couple of weeks before I asked him to hang out, and eventually made a move on him. We've been together for three years now :)

What made me change my mind? I knew that good things were hard to come by. Even though I wasn't ready, he was, and would possibly find someone else while he waited for me to be ready.


What did he do when you said you weren't ready for a relationship?


Lol he later told me that what I said made him back off. He was actually considering that I was lesbian...

I was so awkward too, that when we hung out, I said that I think we should stop talking at work. I just wanted to be more productive.... But he took that as I didn't like him, and I had to work harder to make a move on him.


Oh Scatmaster, you made me smile. I managed to convince my now-boyfriend that I didn't like him at all too. We were at the pub (we worked together). I was already stressed out and we were at the bar when he put his hand on my lower back. I said 'Don't touch me!!' in a really angry voice, before I even realised what I was saying. When he eventually asked me out he sat at the other end of the sofa from me with his hands up, as if he was being held at gun point (he wasn't, honest!).



edgewaters
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03 Jun 2012, 6:50 am

IlovemyAspie wrote:
edgewaters wrote:
There are many situations I haven't been in, so this is hard to say, but so far it seems like I do not waver when I'm firmly and permanently decided not to pursue something with someone.


So if someone were to pursue you, what would you do?


You mean if I wasn't interested?

I have no idea. I've been pursued a handful of times by someone I am interested in, and it's not easy for them even then. I'm pretty hard to approach, I think, I have to come out of my little shell for anything to happen and that's something I have to work at, so I just wouldn't work at it. I don't think I'd have too much trouble putting someone off without hurting them.

The only thing that seems remotely possible is someone gets drunk or something and becomes very blatant, but then, they're drunk and I would just say so.



ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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03 Jun 2012, 7:23 am

Sorry ILMA I meant this forum and not this thread.



edgewaters
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03 Jun 2012, 7:49 am

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:
I rebounded from one long term relationship with a bipolar disorder sufferer who didn't know she was bipolar until after we broke up, straight into a relationship with another bipolar disorder sufferer who I didn't know was until I was with her for 3 months. That lasted another 3 months. I'm on a break for the foreseeable future. I'm really enjoying not having to think about anyone else. I will change my mind at some stage.


13 years with a bipolar sufferer and it's looking pretty tattered at this point, that disorder is hell on relationships. I feel shell-shocked. Like I've been in a WW1 artillery barrage the whole time. We've got plans to separate (amicably, I hope). It hasn't all been bad.



IlovemyAspie
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03 Jun 2012, 9:01 am

edgewaters wrote:
IlovemyAspie wrote:
edgewaters wrote:
There are many situations I haven't been in, so this is hard to say, but so far it seems like I do not waver when I'm firmly and permanently decided not to pursue something with someone.


So if someone were to pursue you, what would you do?


You mean if I wasn't interested?

I have no idea. I've been pursued a handful of times by someone I am interested in, and it's not easy for them even then. I'm pretty hard to approach, I think, I have to come out of my little shell for anything to happen and that's something I have to work at, so I just wouldn't work at it. I don't think I'd have too much trouble putting someone off without hurting them.

The only thing that seems remotely possible is someone gets drunk or something and becomes very blatant, but then, they're drunk and I would just say so.


So you're saying that even if you were interested in someone and they pursued you, it would take would too much effort so you just wouldn't bother? What if the person continued to pursue you? Do you think you could be "worn down" so to speak?
;



ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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03 Jun 2012, 10:55 am

edgewaters wrote:
ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:
I rebounded from one long term relationship with a bipolar disorder sufferer who didn't know she was bipolar until after we broke up, straight into a relationship with another bipolar disorder sufferer who I didn't know was until I was with her for 3 months. That lasted another 3 months. I'm on a break for the foreseeable future. I'm really enjoying not having to think about anyone else. I will change my mind at some stage.


13 years with a bipolar sufferer and it's looking pretty tattered at this point, that disorder is hell on relationships. I feel shell-shocked. Like I've been in a WW1 artillery barrage the whole time. We've got plans to separate (amicably, I hope). It hasn't all been bad.


I was with my ex for 10 years and no offence to anyone here who suffers from it, but it's like dealing with someone with multiple personality disorder. When she was very depressed she was a totally infuriating a***hole.



NicoleG
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03 Jun 2012, 11:10 am

IlovemyAspie wrote:
So you're saying that even if you were interested in someone and they pursued you, it would take would too much effort so you just wouldn't bother? What if the person continued to pursue you? Do you think you could be "worn down" so to speak?

I know if I'm being shy, and some guy was really trying to get my attention (and I was at least a little interested in him), he will eventually win, but unfortunately the guys tend to have to do more of the work breaking into my shell than me voluntarily coming out. Now, sometimes just asking me out on a date is enough to get me to come out of my shell, but I've gone on a couple dates where I still felt too shy and contained, so he had to work a little extra to get me to relax.

My roommate also tries to push me all the time to be more outgoing and flirty with cute guys I see. That's my weakness. If he's remotely good looking and I have a base physical attraction, I figure I'm not good enough from the start and go insta-clam. She's even gone so far as to go talk to the guy herself and then shove me over, but I must come off as finding the guy completely awful because I can't seem to say two words, and you have to consider that in general I can be a pretty flirty girl and I am looking for a relationship. Maybe it is just a base shyness, but it really hits me like a ton of bricks at the most inopportune moment.



Tim_Tex
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03 Jun 2012, 12:06 pm

Is asexuality, and other sexual preferences something people often change their mind about?

In other words, is it once that way, always that way?



IlovemyAspie
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03 Jun 2012, 1:24 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
Is asexuality, and other sexual preferences something people often change their mind about?

In other words, is it once that way, always that way?


Oohh good one! I'm interested in knowing if someone who is asexual can all of a sudden become a very sexual person.


NicoleG: Does it bother you that someone would continuously pursue you when you are clearly not ready to "go there"? Or do you look at it like "wow this person must really be interested in me, maybe I should give him a chance!



AScomposer13413
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03 Jun 2012, 3:48 pm

Now this is a true discussion thread!! Congrats, ILMA :D You gotta post more insights you have :D

Now, to answer your question, as much as sometimes I am a little averse to change, I know I have in the past and I'll have to in the future. That's life :P In this sort of context, it depends on what you're talking about. I can either be insanely adamant or incredibly fluid on a topic, with rarely any in-between.



edgewaters
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03 Jun 2012, 9:04 pm

IlovemyAspie wrote:
So you're saying that even if you were interested in someone and they pursued you, it would take would too much effort so you just wouldn't bother? What if the person continued to pursue you? Do you think you could be "worn down" so to speak?
;


If I'm interested, and I get the message (which I may not at first) then I try to reciprocate to the degree I am able to (which isn't much, but it's something anyway). I guess some things have to be eroded/worn down in that sort of scenario.

If I'm not interested then I don't believe I could be worn down



edgewaters
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03 Jun 2012, 9:10 pm

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:
edgewaters wrote:
ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:
I rebounded from one long term relationship with a bipolar disorder sufferer who didn't know she was bipolar until after we broke up, straight into a relationship with another bipolar disorder sufferer who I didn't know was until I was with her for 3 months. That lasted another 3 months. I'm on a break for the foreseeable future. I'm really enjoying not having to think about anyone else. I will change my mind at some stage.


13 years with a bipolar sufferer and it's looking pretty tattered at this point, that disorder is hell on relationships. I feel shell-shocked. Like I've been in a WW1 artillery barrage the whole time. We've got plans to separate (amicably, I hope). It hasn't all been bad.


I was with my ex for 10 years and no offence to anyone here who suffers from it, but it's like dealing with someone with multiple personality disorder. When she was very depressed she was a totally infuriating a***hole.


Yep it is just so hard to deal with, I know exactly what you mean, its like having this third person, this complete dick (if you can say that in relation to a woman), who shows up in the relationship once in a while and messes everything up. It's not their fault but on the other hand, you're not invincible either, only so many traumas you can handle before you're broken.



Last edited by edgewaters on 03 Jun 2012, 9:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.