Is this really too much to ask

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Like I said in item 1 in my previous post: overwhelming majority of women are turned off by me long before the sex is being brought up. So are you saying that not wanting sex somehow affects the way I carry myself otherwise? Does not wanting sex causes inability to carry conversation or whatever else Asperger symptoms I have that turn women off?

I admittedly suffer from this at times. Good at talking to people but with girls where in most cases I don't show any sort of sexual interest in terms of body language, what I'm saying, how I advance the conversation and our meetings...rejection does happen. I'm not saying you have to sacrifice your moral ethics or be a pig, but wanting the girl and finding her attractive adds to this chemistry you build together. A lot of women (heck, just people in general) want to feel wanted and sexy.

That would be more along the lines of holding hands and such. Now THIS PART doesn't go against my morals (I do want to hug and kiss, just no sex). The reason I am not holding hands is simply because I am too afraid to come the wrong way. I want them to do it first. Even if I did want sex this shyness thing would be the same. So logically these are two independent things, unless you see some connection that I am not thinking of.

Oh okay. Well, this is gonna be the hard part - in most cases it's going to have to be you that initiates the physical contact you want. I find if there is someone you want enough, you will eventually give in and be brave enough to do this. Or if you feel that shyness would be a barrier even for "the one" it might be best to rethink how risk assessments are carried out. Instead of thinking how much you risk by initiating, start thinking of what you risk losing out on by not doing that.

If you don't initiate non-sexual affection (such as holding hands, kissing) women may fear that your "no sex till marriage" stance is based on lack of physical attraction to them using religion as a disguise. You will seem to be somebody who is dating them purely for social acceptibility. In the context of dating, holding hands and sex are not two independent things. Non-sexual affection before marriage shows attraction and the desire for sex after marriage. This is the connection. Not offering non-sexual affection while dating makes it seem like you also wouldn't be offering sexual affection after marriage because you aren't actually attracted to them.

I suspect you are really limiting your chances of finding a partner. I understand the situation may be different in your culture, but from my experience, men who come across all religious are given a wide berth. Have you met many women with the same views as yourself, with regards to bible matters? I don't mean to offend you, I am just being completely honest, but those posts about what the bible says = keep away from this guy, he'll drive you round the bend. It's fine by most girls for their partner to go to church and have a faith or to even be a preacher or minister, but most girls will set a limit. A good man is much more desirable and that's in no way related to his religious leanings. I expect non Christians need not apply, for starters. Correct me, if I'm wrong. However, there must be plenty of girls who have the same beliefs as you and actually find it attractive in a man. So, you need to go where they're at. Are there no Christian websites with dating forums?

Okay here is the summary of how I am

1. As far as sex itself:

a) I don't want sex before marriage
b) I DO want sex after marriage

2. As far as non-sexual interaction

a) I DO want kissing and hugging before marriage
b) I am too shy so I want the girl to innitiate it

3. As far as sexual drive:

a) Yes I do have desire for sex but I choose not to have one because of religion
b) Yes I do have desire for non-sexual affection but I am too shy to express it so I want the girl to express it first

I mean if you look at the above list you will find that yes I do have sexual drive. So it is unfair that girls jump to conclusions and decide that I don't. I mean the above list is perfectly consistent I didn't contradict myself at any point.

And



Okay it seems contradictory. You first say that talking about bible pushes them away and then you say it is fine with them even if I am a minister. Isn't this a contradiction? I mean being a minister is a lot more religious than merely making bible quotes. So why are you saying that being a minister is okay while bible quotes is not?



I was going on www.christiandatingforfree.com but I couldn't find anyone. Probably thats either because of the distance or because I am not innitiating contact online in the right way? I typically message and say "hi" and most girls ignore "hi". I don't know if its the distance or just the fact that they expect something other than "hi".

As far as christian websites with dating forums that idea never crossed my mind. Perhaps that might be more efficient since that way they will get to know me as I talk about the bible in non-dating sections and then I make a post on dating forum? But either way I never located such christian forums.

"All's fair in love and war" as the saying goes.
It doesn't matter if it's unfair if girl's jump to the conclusion that you are unattracted to them rather than shy. Many of them will do it anyway. Fairness isn't relevent when picking a mate. Logical arguments about why they should give you a chance will drive them away...unless they are strongly attracted to logical arguments or shy men.

Okay as far as logical arguments THAT is a valid point. In fact, logical arguments on any topic tend to push people away. A perfect example is my long distance girlfriend. When I make logical argument it would just throw her in the loop of saying how much she hates my autism. At this point she doesn't even care about WHAT I said, she just cares that it was long winded and logical, therefore its autism, therefore she should ignore whatever I said and get away from me. I believe other people probably react the same way minus autism part. Most ppl won't judge me for label of autism but they DO get pushed away by logical arguments.

Now, here is my situation. I am perfectly willing to avoid logical arguments and simply state what the deal is. But that would require the other person to see my point. If the other person doesn't see my point then my only option is try to spell it out. Well I know you are going to say that I shouldn't force my point on anyone its their right to agree or disagree. But lets put it this way. If you look at any NT interaction, sometimes they disagree with each other but at least some of the times they agree. In fact oftentimes they just take each other's word thats how gossip spreads. Now I don't have that luxury. Perfect example is right now. If I were to simply say to a girl ''yes I am attracted to you i am just shy'', well just like you said she won't believe me. Yet NT-s can say one phrase AND be believed. So you see why I have far more compulsion to make logical arguments than most NT-s? If an NT is not being believed then all they have to do is go to another NT who is on their side and vent. But in my case the other NT won't believe me either. So all I am left with is logical arguments.

I know a few ministers and they don't tend to talk as though the bible dictates how they run their life. They've read it, but they don't quote from it, unless they are giving a sermon or class, i.e. working. In their own lives, they promote the word, by presenting an example, i.e. they try to live a good life.

Then it seems more of a communication issue than anything. I mean clearly the religion is more important to them than to me. After all they CHOSE to be ministers and I CHOSE to be a physicist. But due to Asperger I am ''intense'' in a sense that whatever is in my head flies right through my mouth. That is probalby why I come across as more extreme than they are even though the reality is that it is probably the other way around.

I'm not sure if I missed this but do you go to church? I belive the same way that you do. This doesn't mean that I haven't strayed but ulitimately I agree with everything you're looking for in a girl. They are out there. I don't think you should compromise your beliefs because it makes it harder to find a mate. If that's what you're looking for then stick with it. I don't think it's too much to ask. Hard to find, but not impossible. One of my best friends is 31 and still a virgin because of our beliefs.

I was born Jewish and I started to believe in Jesus on my own. So because of this I prefer Hebrew roots churches. Back in USA I was going to the Messianic church. But then eventually I realized that they are probably not sincere in their beliefs in a sense that they are trying to merely appeal to Jews culturally while they lie to themselves and pretend that they actually believe Hebrew roots doctrine-wise. So then I became more interested in non-Jewish groups that would hold to Hebrew roots doctrine since that would show sincerity. So I would have attended Assembly of Yahweh but unfortunately it was way too far away from me given that I don't drive. The only thing I could find nearby was Adventist club on campus. Now Adventist movement is not ''Jewish'' enough since they don't observe yearly feasts; but it was still better than nothing since at least they go to church on saturday and abstain from pork. But then when I moved to India I couldn't find anything Hebrew roots anywhere. So I stopped going to church altogether.

In terms of the girl I am not insisting that she believes in Hebrew roots. Of course if it HAPPENED to be the case it would be a huge plus; but I don't insist on it at all. Anyone who is Christian of any denomination is fine with me.

There are girls who want to wait until marriage, you just have to look in the right places.

You prob won't find virgins until marriage at bars and clubs, I'd say more like a church or some place like that.

I know 4 girls who are still virgins by choice.

Maybe it was mistake I was sticking to Hebrew Roots churches. I mean, the Messianic church I was going to had mostly ppl in their 40-s and 50-s; the only exception was the engaged couple. On the other hand, the adventist club I went to had mostly young people but then the obstacle is that Adventists probably don't date outside their faith and I won't actually convert to adventism since I reject the notion of Ellen White being a prophet. Now maybe I was wrong in my assumption that Adventists don't date outside their faith; I mean it is always possible there are some who stray. I guess I simply assumed that and thats why I wasn't really trying to pursue them.

But either way the point is that if I were to just go to Sunday church that would have probably solved it. Because most Sunday christians are not going to say ''well we are baptists and you are lutheran sorry''. As long as they are dating fellow Christian that would have been good enough for them. I guess I was just not thinking strategically. I simply assumed that dating sites is where I find dates and that was one of my mistakes. But I guess now that I am in India it is too late to realize that, unless there is some church in India that is attended by Westerners.