I think I dropped the ball...

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i like to have not much in my hands.
i do not care if i drop "balls".
i have no need for "balls".
whatever

In my own situation, I didn't reject the person, so obviously, it's quite different- but I do understand why she could be confused.

You mention that she said 'I didn't want to drag you down something'- perhaps she felt the first time that she was pushing you to do something that you weren't comfortable with (which is a fair assumption, since you stopped) and the next time, she may have felt that you were only trying to please her by re-starting the intimacy. While many women just want to get what they want, others (like my self) would never want to push someone into something that they're not entirely sure of, and WOULD be confused by someone not-wanting something, and then wanting it. Even if you re-assure her that you are interested and are into her, it can take a LOT for some people to get that message, or even believe it. You are looking at it from the perspective of 'I've told her therefore she knows it', but in her experience, she will have been told stuff like that many times before where the person HASN'T meant it. It's unfortunate, but when you're so used to other peoples' tactical way of communicating, it's incredibly difficult to feel so confident in someone's statements- it takes a long time, and a multitude of events for some people to accept it. It's sad and frustrating, and it's entirely not your fault, nor would I say it is hers (if that is how she feels), it's just a by-product of how NT's behave towards each other.

As you say, there are two (or maybe more) obvious possibilities: 1.That she didn't enjoy the intimacy or 2.That she is just generally really confused, and so is trying to keep things platonic until she gets a handle on things.

In your situation, I would personally take the option of being friends, if you think it's worth the risk. People change their minds, I know I have done many times, and hanging out as friends for a while would give you both the time to know how you feel without too much pressure or trust issues being involved.

Long story short: She felt embarassed and rejected. I don't remember if you mentioned age, but at a young age it's hard to handle those type of feelings. I know that even at 35 when my Aspie did something that was out of character-(he swatted my hand away when I went to fix his hair and then said DON'T!! ! He never had a problem with me doing it any other time) I knew why he did it, but it still took me a little bit to calm myself and say this is him and he may act this way sometimes, it's not personal. But it stung for a minute. I don't know if this girl will be able to rebound from her feelings but as an NT, I can say that's how I would have felt initially. You didn't do anything wrong, you didn't "drop the ball". Things aren't always text book.

I think that's a good place to start. It can't hurt. Especially since you already told her about the AS. This will give you a way to expound on the effect it has on your behavior. If you reassure her you weren't playing games,you may be able to repair things. I don't see why not.

So I texted her saying "btw, when we made out that one time and I didn't go further, that was not me rejecting you" she replies back saying "oh no I didn't feel rejected, quite the opposite actually." Huh? All I know is, something happened between that last two dates. If it's just her realizing this isn't what she wants or needs right now, that's fine. But I can't shake the feeling that it's something I did.

^ Women.....

**hides back in the bushes**

This is the second time an NT girl has acted this way and the reasoning went against the "usual" reasoning for NT's. I'm baffled, and I'm NT. This must be some new mutant NT species cropping up.

You have made clear you want a relationship. Maybe she just wanted sex and nothing serious. Maybe that's what she meant by not wanting to 'drag you down something'. You nixed the sex. Maybe neither of you did anything wrong, but you both had different intentions that night about the relationship.

I don't know how young you are, but back in the day... if I just wanted sex but was met with a sweet, nice guy who stopped in the middle of making out, and openly wanted a relationship - well I would back off. She might not want to hurt you by getting involved.

Try just going out and having some fun with no expectations and see what happens. You're making progress with communicating with her - just keep doing that, but keep it casual.