Am I the only one who doesn't ever want to marry?

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I am firmly of the belief that I am never getting married. Watching my mother get married three times (her third one having been four days ago), and watching each make her more miserable than the last, I think it is a stupid idea, a tawdry, expensive and outdated ceremony that ends up getting everyone's finances dreadfully muddled when they invariably get divorced. If you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, why can't you do it without all the legal complications? My dad (my biological one; my mother's first husband) has been dating the same woman for about six years now, they live together and are perfectly happy, but they aren't married, nor would either wish to be. If I ever find a man I want to spend my life with, he's going to have to accept the fact that to do so will not include officially "tying the knot".

In theory, I like the idea of the structure. I prefer routine(s). Stability. The actuality of my 2 marriages demonstrated to my satisfaction (gentle term) that, in human interactions, stability is elusive. My experience is the courtship process is so conducive to distorting personalities that, once the designer truth is apparent, everyone involved is dissatisfied. Still fond of the theory, though.

[Moved from General Autism Discussion to Love and Dating]

Thank you ^_^

You guys are depressing me! Really! I just put an ad up for Mr. Right on OkCupid. Now I think I probably I did a bad thing because as an aspie I'm doomed to failure. Waahhh!! !

^_^ I don't think it has too much to do with being an aspie, to be honest, everyone, aspies and NTs alike, have issues when it comes to long-term relationships and marriage

Marriage is outdated and look at the divorce rate, What a waste of money i would rather spend that on having fun ;P

I totally get your point. Actually I think the same about a lot of things... but I am married. My husband and I lived together for 5 years. We only got married because I wanted to when I got pregnant. I never wanted to get married before that, but suddenly I wanted our child to come to the world as part as a legally-based family. I imagine hormones are to blame. My husband said he did not see the point, but we got married anyway. There was no engagement ring, it was a small ceremony with only the 2 witnesses and his mother and sister. And 17 years later, here we are. Not that we do not have our ups and downs, but we like what we have and we try to solve our differences because we want to keep this going. And we do not wear rings.

Thank you for sharing that, I always love hearing about what works for other people ^_^

I've always sort of, in the back of my mind, assumed that I would end up single later in life, if not now, and have actually planned my life "for one" such as it were.. I plan to have my kids even if I'm not with anyone, and I've spent a long time thinking about how to make this work, because it's important to me that I not miss my opportunity in my rather limited window of time (I want to have kid(s) between the time I graduate college (appx 28 yrs of age) and the time I turn 35, which gives me a target of only 7 years (if it turns out for whatever reason I can't have kids, I'm more then happy to adopt, and actually really only want to have 1 of my own, and adopt a second)

I'm not going to marry anyone for any reason other than to save my own life. I'm not signing away my property rights, or disadvantaging myself, or practically waiving potential custody rights, just for a nice ceremony and a pretty diamond ring, and possibly a mention in a local newspaper if it lasts for sixty-five years. There aren't even tax benefits that warrant marriage in my jurisdiction.

Why not try a handfasting then? That seems like it would fit you better.
Theres no problem with not wanting to get married, I know quite a few people who don't want to get married, as long as you are happy with someone you dont need to be legally bound to them.

Aside from being legally binding, getting married ( for some ) also provides security and comitment.

The legal binding is what provides security and encourages the commitment, because there are consequences if you leave.

That would work ^_^ I want to have a pseudo-ceremony with exchanged promises, such as "I will love you for as long as I can tolerate you and we can work together to make things function properly" (phrased more softly, of course ^_^) and do something like a sword ceremony from way back when (on one knee, sword proffered over the head from female to male) should I end up with a male partner, as well as several other really bizarre ideas, and honestly, handfasting would fit right in with that ^_^

[quote="Monkeybuttorama"If it turns out for whatever reason I can't have kids, I'm more then happy to adopt, and actually really only want to have 1 of my own, and adopt a second.[/quote]

It is funny. When I was very young (early 20s), I dreamed about having only one kid and adopting two. I turned out having one, and I am not planning on having or adopting anymore! Raising a child is tougher than I thought...

I've considered that possibility, as well, and if that happens to be the way it works, that's fine, too, especially since my plans don't necessarily include a life partner ^_^

No. I have no interest in the concept of marriage either. It seems to me that it's a terrible idea to use the threat of legal force to coerce someone into staying in a relationship they don't want to be in. Even a commitment ceremony seems coercive to me - it just uses social, rather than legal, coercion.

Most of us want to find someone to grow old with, a lifemate, but you can't force it. Well you could, but it wouldn't be happy or healthy. Commitment is something private to my mind. It's between the two individuals. If that's not good enough, there isn't anything else that can change that.

Mind you I don't have kids and have no intention of doing so, and I'm not prepared to comment on the subject with regards to people who do. I haven't thought about it in regards to that situation, and I don't intend to because it isn't relevant to me.