Question for the females.

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If you feel it's unfair, then keep your economies semi-seperated. Each keep their own accounts where they get their pay, and each transfer a fixed percentage into a shared billing account. Perhaps 65% of each wage would be enough to pay all the shared bills(food/car/house/kids clothes/etc). Then you would each have 35% of your pay on your personal accounts to use for food at work, or shopping clothes to yourself, or makeup. Two cards on the shared account, one for each to use for groceryshopping, is good if your bank provides a service like that. If your "better half" is not so good, and shop makeup with the food money, smack her with a printout from the account, and tell her thats not ok.

If you make 10000 of some valuta, and she only makes 5000 in the same timeframe(lets say a month), you will have 3500 left to spend, and she will have 1750 to spend.

..thats one way of doing it. There are many more.


Somewhat more on topic than the first part;
If you tend to end up with only one kind of women, I agree with the theory that you might be drawn to that type unconsciously. Sometimes we follow patterns without even knowing it ourselves, infact, most times we follow patterns.

See, my issues are basically this, My parents and my grandparents both started out with nothing and built their lives together.

So for me love and a partnership should have little to do with money provided its all for whats best for the family unit. therefore I do not look at someones income when choosing a mate.

I am more then happy to care for and provide for those I love the best I can, but in return I do not want to be taken for granted, thats a disrespect for how hard I try and my own feelings as well. and Just like I offer my mates I expect the same in return, if I run across hard times I would like to feel they will be there for me as well. not abandon me if I suddenly got sick or lost a job, and we build our own future together, not on my shoulders alone, nor should it be about who makes the most money.

My last relationship quit her job right after moving in with me, and I thought I was being smart to at least make sure she had a job first. then once I complained she got a part time job only to spend it all on her self. thats not being a partner. she did not have to match my income, or make more or less then me, all I cared about is that she tried to be that partner.

Thank you for your replies, its good to know there are a few good women in the world who believe in what it takes. many times I get sick of feeling that thats all females thinks I am good for, a provider, someone to support "them". that "princess" syndrome. and it hardens me when I see females think its OK to expect guys to be interested in them when their broke and on hard times, where if the reverse was true many wont even look a mans way, when you never know what tomorrow will bring, and the point is in that of finding out together.

I agree, it is a team effort. A partnership. I think we live in a time when a lot of people, male & female, don't know how to create & maintain a mutual effort. Too much 'me' generation. So I hope you have gotten some good ideas here, how to look into your way of courtship to see what might not be serving you so well, some ideas for what to look for in a partner. Good luck!

That was a bit incoherent.

I think a lot of people find themselves in relationships w/someone who bails when the times get tough... look at all the single mothers who believed the man when he said thru thick & thin. So, fidelity is a rare quality anymore.

Best...
DB

[Betty and Wilma:] OOoooooooo... MEN!

[Barney:] So I'm a man... what am I going to do - resign??

LOL... I had a straight friend in college who used to lament the good guys were either gay or taken. At least you'll still respect me in the morning.


While you're waiting for your team mate to show up, try taking the little quiz here to find your 'love language' & maybe it'll help.

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

We found that we were very similar in our scores, which could partly explain why we communicate so well.

I'm an NT woman married to an AS man. Except for my first serious relationship (which was in high school) and my current relationship, I've always had a substantially higher income than my partner--and I liked it that way, because it seemed to me that when men have more money in a relationship, they tend to act as though they feel superior, and as if they have the right to try to control the woman. That kind of behavior is very difficult for me to tolerate. The difficulty is probably due to the fact that I watched my father dominate and behave abusively toward my mother and get away with it--at least to the extent that my mother felt she couldn't afford to strike out on her own; thus, she was held economic hostage. I vowed I would never let that happen to me.

This has caused problems in my current marriage. I have a good income, about the same as my husband's, but for various reasons he has saved a lot more of his income over the years and has done well with investing, so he's much better off financially than I am, and he does act as though this fact makes him superior to me and gives him the right to tell me what to do in anything having a bearing on finances. Also, I'm suspicious that when he does something for me that requires spending money, he's doing so to attempt to manipulate me and will remind me of it in a smug and infuriating way later. He has actually done this on several occasions.

So you see, there are women who not only don't expect to be taken care of but who don't WANT to be taken care of financially.