I see relationships as pointless.

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I spent a long time feeling that I had to be in a committed relationship to have self worth and avoid loneliness. That conviction was probably the most damaging thing in my life. It forced me into situations that were harmful and unfulfilling, with people who didn't treat me the way I deserved. So I agree that anyone who doesn't feel this irrational drive is fortunate; you have more of a clear head to pursue what you actually want instead of what you think you "need." If that means a relationship isn't on the table, who cares, as long as you're happy? I don't think there's anything wrong with that, any more than there's something wrong with not liking music or sports or something else most people are interested in. It's a personal preference.

Fortunately as I've gotten older I'd like to think I've matured a lot, and part of that has been conquering my fear of being alone, to the point that I'm not only content being on my own right now, but prefer it and would be unlikely to enter a committed relationship for the time being. I wouldn't say I'm uninterested in relationships, though, because I do get lonely and I would still like to meet people to spend time and converse with. Right now I'm not sure where the boundaries of this kind of more casual relationship would/will lie, especially as far as exclusivity and physical intimacy, but that's a whole other minotaur to mince another day, and probably depends on how I feel about the other person.

So I suppose, to be more specific, my reason for being open to dates or a casual relationship right now is just that I'd like to find someone nice and interesting whom I can enjoy talking to and sharing activities with, and who can keep me on my toes a little with new ideas and adventures so I don't become a total stick-in-the-mud!

Bio_Info_Seeker - yes, I think the truth could be in the middle somewhere. Our genome is one big mystery yet, fortunately Altruism plays big role there, and pride & selfishness maybe even bigger.

And what is interesting. These people have more fulfilled aka happy lifes. Does not matter if they are priests/monks, scientists, warriors. They have higher goals while most of the people want just family and to survive somehow.

I am in a relationship but I was also ok for a time when I was single. I like relationships and being in them, but the person would have to be special to me or have lots in common for me to start a relationship. I will not get with someone simply because I'm lonely or because I think I'd like to date someone for the kicks. Relationships that you know are not going to go anywhere are somewhat pointless as is entering into one for the wrong reasons. Hence I am always careful.

Relationships are unobtainable to many because unless you are a good-looking man and have a lot of money you will never be able to have the woman you want or at least not in this life.

Simply not true. I'm not particularly good-looking (by most people's standards), and I'm about as broke as a guy can be, but I still managed to get exactly the kind of woman I wanted.

intelligent, open minded, decent looking anarchists? Where do they hideeeeeeeeeee?!

Maybe one should reconsider the kind of woman they want! If one isn't a perfect 10, they're not going to GET one either!

What I really don't understand is, if someone is so shallow that they only want you for looks and/or money, why would you want a relationship with them anyway? And if everyone is really like that, doesn't that just mean that there isn't anyone out there who's worth getting involved with, rather than that there's a flaw with you (for these purposes, the man)? I honestly don't mean to be snarky; it's a genuine question, if anyone feels like granting some insight.

Uri, i am confused.

so.... you want to have a shallow woman who cares primarily about looks and money? well, ok. it's not something that most people would shoot for, but all the power to you. or, i suppose if you were looking for a non-shallow woman, you could also work on having less shallow expectations.

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for me, a relationship is *never* the point. the point is that i am irresistibly drawn to be connected to a particular human being, and there are not many practical ways to be physically and emotionally close to that person without having a relationship of some sort.

there are many types of relationships - i know a divorced man who has been dating a woman of a decade, but they maintain a lot of space from each other. and in poly relationships, a person might be more open to some emotional distance in some cases (as they would already have a primary partner). other people like George Clooney seem to have a time limit and strict boundaries on their relationships. different strokes for different folks.

rom-coms don't have to be a guideline for your real life choices.

Somehow I don't really believe you. Maybe you go after women that you are not completely attracted to.

I have a theory that everyone always gets exactly what they want, in a sense. If what you want is so superficial it only exists in fiction and photograph, then that is what you get. If what you want is still superficial but not so much that it cannot exist in the real world, then you get something real, but superficial. If you want to hate women, then you get what will make you hate women. If what you want is genuine, then you get that. If what you want is bad for you, you get that too. If what you want changes, but you don't want change, then you don't get change and you don't get what you want - or do you?

And so on.

what a strange thing to say. i really don't see where you are going with this, as your logic is very flawed.

well, as they say "Pics or It Didn't Happen".

Because people are idiots.

Why would I bother? Hell, I've caught flak, right in this very section, for talking about how I wouldn't date anyone I wasn't attracted to, and how I would leave a relationship if I lost that attraction.


Also, I'm a pretty mellow guy. There's not much that upsets me. But one thing will, every time. Insulting her. And you're edging awfully close to that.