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Eharmony: Am I The Only One They Say is Unmatchable?

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Did you get rejected by Eharmony?
yes, I am on the autistic spectrum and they rejected me 45%  45%  [ 5 ]
No, I am on the autistic spectrum and they did not reject me 45%  45%  [ 5 ]
Yes, I am NT and they rejected me 9%  9%  [ 1 ]
No, I am NT and they did not reject me 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Total votes : 11

ToadOfSteel
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17 Jul 2012, 1:21 pm

rosemund wrote:
Unfortunately, a man can receive unmatched status by Not being a major misogynist. For instance, the guy that started the whole thing doesn't really approve of the fact women like to look forward to the future, and wants them to accept whatever the man in the relationship expects. So, if your answers were geared toward an even split of who makes the plans or who does what in a household, then you'll receive an unmatched status. Below, are the Top Ten issues the women have with the men (things like outright lying or taking drugs), while the guy's list entails details that are far less concrete (the woman plans ahead, and might *gasp* actually cry during an argument--for the record, I don't, but I know some women do. For that matter, so do some men, but that's not mentioned anywhere on eHarmony's lists.).

Men's Ten Biggest Complaints About Women

Top Ten Can't Stands for eHarmony Women


The way I saw that men article, half of it was male vanity (like the "personal space" thing; yes everyone needs personal space, but that just made it look like the woman should be available for the man at any time but not vice versa). The other half of it seemed to deal with weaponized emotions, which I do agree with... It's not about crying during an argument, it's about the handful of women out there that use crying to get their way. Boys are taught at a young age that such a thing is unacceptable...



aspiemike
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17 Jul 2012, 4:01 pm

Yep. eHarmony pretty much told me to go **** myself as well. Might as well since I can't find a match there.



rosemund
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17 Jul 2012, 4:14 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:

The way I saw that men article, half of it was male vanity (like the "personal space" thing; yes everyone needs personal space, but that just made it look like the woman should be available for the man at any time but not vice versa). The other half of it seemed to deal with weaponized emotions, which I do agree with... It's not about crying during an argument, it's about the handful of women out there that use crying to get their way. Boys are taught at a young age that such a thing is unacceptable...


Handful being the operative word here. Not all women do it, but if the author hadn't considered it a majority of women (or at least a sizeable portion), I don't think it would have made it into the Top Ten list. It also forgets that some men do cry in arguments. True, most of our boys in the US are conditioned to see it as unacceptable, but that tends to mean that when they do cry, they go into a round of self-loathing. The important component about the article from the male perspective is that it's from the eHarmony creator, not just a staff (or a few staff) members.



scubasteve
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17 Jul 2012, 6:17 pm

No, you're not the only one. Eharmony said I was unmatchable too. I found my match on WP. Screw Eharmony.



PastFixations
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17 Jul 2012, 6:24 pm

scubasteve wrote:
Eharmony said I was unmatchable too. I found my match on WP. Screw Eharmony.

Exactly my point... Dating sites only presume this, it does not determine whether this is a factor that lasts forever.
Also, long time no see scuba ;)


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17 Jul 2012, 8:40 pm

Yup. An hour of my life I shan't get back!! !


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Logan5
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18 Jul 2012, 2:46 pm

The following article may be of some interest.

"How Do I Love Thee?"
"A growing number of Internet dating sites are relying on academic researchers to develop a new science of attraction. A first hand report from the front lines of an unprecedented social experiment."
By Lori Gottlieb
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/arc ... thee/4602/
(Note that the article focuses on the websites Chemistry.com, eHarmony, and PerfectMatch.com.) There is also an interview with the author:
"Logging On For Love"
"The author [Lori Gottlieb] of this month's cover story talks about love and the new research that's being produced by Internet matchmaking services"
By Elizabeth Wasserman
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/arc ... love/4573/

A few more articles about the research behind internet dating (although I recommend you take the "science" discussed in them, with a big grain of salt.)

"Looking for Someone: Sex, love, and loneliness on the Internet."
by Nick Paumgarten
July 4, 2011
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011 ... paumgarten
(The writer interviews some of the people behind the websites OKCupid.com, eHarmony.com, Match.com and Chemistry.com.)

"Matchmaker, Matchmaker ... Run Your Algorithm"
(Audio interview Nick Paumgarten on NPR's Fresh Air)
http://www.npr.org/2011/06/29/137456270 ... -algorithm

Inside Match.com: It's all about the algorithm.
By David Gelles
http://www.slate.com/id/2300430/

An older article which may be of interest.

"Better Mating Through Circuitry: A Q&A with the woman [Virginia Vitzthum] who literally wrote the book on online dating"
by Sarah Hepola
http://www.nerve.com/screeningroom/book ... avitzthum/ . (You probably should not visit Nerve.com's website if you are using a computer at work.)

Finally, OkCupid.com used to have a blog post on "Why You Should Never Pay For Online Dating", but it seems to have disappeared since they sold out to match.com (The old url was
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/why-y ... ne-dating/ )
[Edit. Thank you Sparrowrose (below).]


Irrespective of matching algorithms, I find that I have very little in common with most people, both in real life and on dating websites. They seem to have lots of time and energy, and like to go out and engage in all sorts of activities, whereas most of my resources are consumed by trying to survive in this awful world. I try to devote what little time and energy I have left to working on my interest. C'est la vie. :?



Last edited by Logan5 on 18 Jul 2012, 3:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sparrowrose
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18 Jul 2012, 2:49 pm

Logan5 wrote:
Finally, OkCupid.com used to have a blog post on "Why You Should Never Pay For Online Dating", but it seems to have disappeared since they sold out to match.com (The old url was
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/why-y ... ne-dating/ )


Here's the article in the Internet Archive:

http://web.archive.org/web/201101091446 ... ne-dating/


Sparrow


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