Polygamy

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I cannot and would not share my spouse/significant other. When I'm with someone, I'm attached in every way imaginable. I am territorial and would not be able to even imagine sharing any part of my s/o with anyone else. I want them to have all of me and I want all of them-to myself. I wouldn't even consider it.

I find it hard to believe there's such a thing as "just sex"... the act itself involves such intense emotions and bonding... unless it's been twisted into something else, I suppose... [shrug]

Not my cup of tea... I need an *exclusive* relationship and nothing less will do.

Basicly masturbating using eachothers bodies when its just sex.

^ This!

(NT woman here, not sure whether husband is strictly NT, but if not then his traits are pretty mild.)

I've been in a couple of multi-way configurations, but only fairly casually. When I got together with my now-husband I didn't want to be exclusive, though I was up for the idea of getting serious and being primary partners. He tried to be game, but in the end it became clear that he wasn't really happy with the idea of me having other relationships, and he didn't want them for himself either. It caused tension for a while and then I decided that I wanted to be with him more than I wanted an open relationship. We still have a clause that says we can kiss other people, but neither of us has used it in years (and the one time we did, we were both kissing the same other people at the same party!). Full sex or emotional involvement would not be OK. In practice, nobody wants to just kiss a married woman who will then neither sleep with them nor take their number, so nothing ever happens!

Real polyamory can be done, but many people just aren't wired for it, and it requires a ton of self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and clear communication. Difficult stuff to manage. I know a few people who do it, and their relationships don't seem to end any more frequently than those of my monogamous friends, but when they do end they absolutely crash in flames.

(Edited to correct spelling.)

That's polyfilla.

I was really confused by the words on the polyfilla box. "takes nails and screws". To me that meant you needed nails and screws for it and since it makes a paste how does that even need a nail or screw to hold it? :p (yes i Know, that means it HOLDS nails and screws after it's dry, like regular drywall).

A shop teacher asked his young lady student what the difference between a screw, a nail and a bolt was.

She said, "I've never been bolted."

(V) ( ;,,; ) (V) [Zoidberg flee!] Woopwoopwoopwoop!

I'm too jealous.

I read once about an experiment involving brain imaging of (presumably heterosexual) men and women.
Men consistently showed activation in areas relating to threat response and aggression when showed imagery of other males.
No analogous response was seen in female subjects.

I think I might be an exception- I get tense reading a random forum post where a person I've never met and know nothing about mentions having a female SO.
This is embarrassing.

Suffice it to say: no polygamy for me- nothing but egalitarian (IE, what's good for the goose...) poly relationships would satisfy my ethics, and that wouldn't satisfy my territorial nature. Best to stay monogamous.

I would never want polyamoury for myself. It would get complicated very quickly.

I dont have a problem with polyamory or polygamy in general if everyone is everyone's lovers. Not this whole, sharing a husband and one man having multiple wives. Say if there were 2 women and 1 man. If everyone was in a romantic relationship with everyone, no problem.

I disagree, it doesn't require emotional intelligence or general self-awareness. It requires knowing in particular how you react about this, which doesn't actually mean being able to even identify when you get jealous if the entire set up is such that you'll work around that. Communication however is in fact very very necessary.

I'll completely agree its not for everyone. Some people function best in single partner relationships, some people in multiple partner relationships, and most people it wouldn't really matter but they default to single partner because of society and because that's how they were raised.

(As for when the relationships fail, I've actually seen no more poly relationships fail horrifically than mono ones - its been pretty similar, and only comes down to how badly the communication broke down at the end of the relationship.)

Anyways, the reason I say it doesn't require EIQ or self-awareness or any of that - there's a solid sub-type of poly people who are autistic. We're poly because of not understanding people limiting themselves to one person if they are interested in more than one. We don't have nearly as strong of societal influences partially because of our particular manifestations of being autistic (not wanting to rebel, but truly not understanding in the first place). These relationships definitely can work. Online I know quite a few poly aspies. Personally, in our relationship there's me (diagnosed), my boyfriend (not diagnosed but almost certainly on the spectrum), and my metamour (diagnosed; for those who don't know the language metamour = partner of my partner). Our interactions are certainly nothing like NT relationships, including within poly relationships, but it works in its own right. There's just a lot more geeking out about special interests when we meet up, working around the fact that neither my boyfriend and I, nor her drive, and dealing with the other parts of autism that come up. But, it works.

As for the dynamics of multiple relationships - my view on what I need is that there doesn't need to be a complete graph of romantic relationships (i.e. I'm only in a romantic relationship with my boyfriend and that's entirely fine even though he has another girlfriend) - but there do need to be close platonic relationships in those other connections. His other girlfriend is one of the people who I'm closest to, and its actually had times when when we've gone and visited her he's been the one who felt left out.

I think I'd get very jealous if I had to share my boyfriend. I'm embarrassed to admit that, but it's true.

What if he shared you though?

Why are you embarassed to admit that?

I think it's important to understand the context of most polygamous marriages. In societies where polygamy is the norm, marriages are usually economic arrangements which do not involve the element, or concept of love. In these societies, women may welcome additional wives because it reduces their workload and responsibility to their husband. There was a case of muslim man in some African country who had around 80 wives. Islam usually allows no more than 3, and the government was attempting to nullify most of the marriages. However all of his wives objected to this and it was easy to see why. Such an arrangement left them effectively free, yet financially supported women.

lol! I don't think he is the jealous type at all. But I don't want anyone else.



Jealousy isn't good, imo. For me, it's just the result of all of my insecurities.