My relationship with an NT, is it doomed or should I try aga

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You're not an idiot. You're wired in such a way that some typical NT abilities are much harder for you, and most likely you have abilities and focus in some areas that NTs couldn't achieve if they tried. I mean, sure, once you're aware of the issues than making an AS/NT relationship work would involve compromise and compassion on both sides, since NTs can't help the way their brains are wired either. But you're absolutely not an idiot for not instinctively 'getting' the social/emotional stuff as experienced by NTs.

Obviously it's good to be aware of your condition and the areas where it might limit you, but it sounds like your confidence has been knocked badly. You're still a good person who deserves to be happy, and not everything is your fault or your responsibility to fix. Yes, it's possible that your NT ex got worn down by the clash between her emotional needs and your social abilities, maybe even to the point where she can't get back the old feelings that made her fall for you. That's very sad if it's the case (and it's not uncommon, I think), but it doesn't mean it was your fault. It's pretty clear from your posts that you would fix things if you knew how!

I just worry that this woman is going to keep on making you unhappy. If you did end up getting back together, it would take a commitment from her as well as from you to find a way of working around your differences.

Thanks Tarantella

My Aspie husband always tells me if I find someone else who makes me happy (more that I am with him), he will let me go, because all he wants is my hapiness. I think it has to do with two factors: 1) he loves me and wants me to be happy, and 2) he is constantly thinking he not good enough for me because of all his traits. I think the same might apply here, because you are saying that he could provide her things you could not. I love my husband. I do recognize his traits are not easy to handle sometimes, but when I put all in the balance I gain more than what I give up. Your partner should love you the way you are and not try to find someone wo gives her what you cannot. If she left you for someone who looks better (in the outside) and she could party with, she is not very commited to your relationship. She acts like a teenager.

I think because you care about her and did not want to delay the inevitable you let her go.
If you take her back history may repeat itself. Is she a similar age? Perhaps she hit a midlife crisis.

At 50, you have to decide whether this is something you can live with or if it's worth moving on or considering being a lone wolf in the dating game.

Thanks Ilka, what you have said about your husband has been a big help.

To know that someone esle, even if it is just one person, thinks the same way as me has helped immensly.

Thanks JanuaryMan.

Yes my ex is about the same age as me and yes she admits to having a mid life crisis.

I seem to know in myself that I won't seek another relationship. If my ex and I do not get back together again then I know I can survive on my own and be moderately happy and content.

Being alone does not frighten me and some days (like today) I feel it is the best route for me.

I have been alone for some 4 months now and have all the time in the world to pursue by interests without having to consider anyone else's feelings. I am enjoying being on my own but also enjoyed being in a relationship.

The problem is is that I do not trust my own instincts. Today I enjoy being alone but tomorrow I might feel entirely different.

Also I worry about how the NT world sees me. My 'special interests' all involve the NT world and I have to really make efforts not to mess things up. If I lost the access to carry out my special interests then my world would really fall apart. Of course having an NT to guide me was a big help and somehow I must try and keep things going on my own.

I will get there. Today however, just feels harder than yesterday.

Thanks again.

My on/off Aspie guy told me the other day that he KNOWS he can't meet all my relationship/emotional/physical/attention needs (they aren't much actually but he's only able to hang out once a week or once every 10 days). He said he wants me to be happy and not feel deprived when he needs alone time or shut down time so I can have another lover. He said he's not a jealous person and only wants my happiness. He says that as long as I don't give him a sexually transmitted disease or stop making time for him, seeing other men would be okay. I hate this. I want him to want me to be all his, 100%, but he doesn't believe in "ownership" and he doesn't view the NT relationship ideal of "monogamy =love" as realistic. He says there is enough love and sex in the world for us all, not scarcity. This makes me feel completely DEvalued. I don't want a guy who wants to share me. I think I need to dump him soon...back to the friend zone. I do too much for him to feel like a booty call.