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I LOVE MEN!! ! but I am afraid of them!! !

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curlyfry
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13 Aug 2012, 3:34 pm

MXH wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
A good way to build up social comfort is to join small social activities and socialize in general, this can be done by talking to people in the supermarket or even elderly people on a bench.


social comfort is not the same as approach comfort. Going to sowing clubs and talking to the person in the bus with you will not make you less nervous when approaching a potential mate. You know what will? Not giving a f**k. The problem is when you arent giving a f**k then its more likely to not appreciate the other person.


You have to condition yourself that it's not a big deal. Only after I conversed with both men and women and controlled my monologuing did I get better and more comfortable talking with people.



MXH
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13 Aug 2012, 3:38 pm

curlyfry wrote:
MXH wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
A good way to build up social comfort is to join small social activities and socialize in general, this can be done by talking to people in the supermarket or even elderly people on a bench.


social comfort is not the same as approach comfort. Going to sowing clubs and talking to the person in the bus with you will not make you less nervous when approaching a potential mate. You know what will? Not giving a f**k. The problem is when you arent giving a f**k then its more likely to not appreciate the other person.


You have to condition yourself that it's not a big deal. Only after I conversed with both men and women and controlled my monologuing did I get better and more comfortable talking with people.


again, theres a difference between comfort in talking and comfort in approaching. The latter is more propagated by a success/failure ratio. a good ratio will generally mean more comfort. A bad one more discomfort. For someone in the discomfort range theres limited possibilities. And honestly the two most often laid out are flawed. I already wrote why



curlyfry
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13 Aug 2012, 3:49 pm

^Why create a stigma for yourself by separating one from the other :?



MXH
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13 Aug 2012, 3:53 pm

curlyfry wrote:
^Why create a stigma for yourself by separating one from the other :?


one does not simply create all things