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Aspies crave relationships, but the reality is there's 90%

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Kaufmancab51
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01 Sep 2012, 9:48 pm

Siddhi wrote:
I also want to add that marriage is a two way street. If we assume that an aspie is unsympathetic and non communicative and ______ (put in whatever is common), my question is why did his or her partner decide to marry in the first place. I dont buy the logic that the marriage failed due to the AS. The AS person was like he or she was before the marriage, what is changed is the amount of effort/tolerance his or her partner has.

My dad was on the spectrum. My mom had difficulty with him because she expected him to do all "typical" stuff like she saw other husbands do. When she started to tell him what she expected, he did those things as he really loved her (just was romantically challenged). But she still wanted him to "understand it" by himself. One of the most common topics of male complaints is how they dont know what to buy for their partners. So, why be more critical of the poor aspie man, when most men are struggling with the same.

Lastly, empathy is not equal to being nice. I have known tons of adults who are normal, so can be empathetic, but their abuse is equally detrimental. My opinion is that AS has just become an excuse when the relationship is failing. Relationships work with two people, not one. Failure in communication is one of the most common underlying reasons for failures in marriage, so really saying it is AS is wrong.


This.

This is a very valid point.



Pompei
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01 Sep 2012, 9:54 pm

I was married once and it lasted 22 years. We have an aspie son which increased the stress level in the marriage. I guess I am part of the 90% but my ex-wife is an NT and this is her third failed marriage.



Last edited by Pompei on 02 Sep 2012, 11:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

eric76
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01 Sep 2012, 10:15 pm

I have very little empathy at all. For example, a couple of weeks ago, a former co-worker of mine passed away leaving behind her husband and two minor children. I felt absolutely no empathy for the woman or her children and didn't even go to the funeral in spite of the fact that I was only three blocks away from it during the funeral.

In spite of that, I can still have a great deal of concern for the well-being and safety of children. For example, a couple of weeks ago, a local woman told me about how some man followed her 14 year old son around a bookstore constantly trying to get him to go outside with him "for a drink". When the man physically grabbed her son, he started yelling and the man fled. I've never really worried about such things around here, but yesterday evening my nephew's oldest son who is about 12 years old was here and getting ready to go to the first high school football game of the year. After he left, I started thinking about what the local woman told me and started worrying about my nephew's son walking four blocks to the football game alone.

In other words, I think that empathy and concern about the well-being and safety of children are really two separate things. You can have very little ability to put yourself in their shoes and feel their feelings while still being concerned about them.