Figuring out a girl I've met recently

Page 2 of 9 [ 130 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 9  Next

starryeyedvoyager
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Apr 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 942
Location: Berlin, Germany

11 Sep 2012, 2:00 am

That's why I was suspicious, but like I said, she's not going to get my detailed results, and the stuff I gave her I was going to give to her anyways, so assuming you are right, it didn't get her anywhere (but of course, she could not have known). If it is like that, then I at least hope she realized she couldn't really impress me... just confuse me a little bit.



happy2know
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 19 Apr 2012
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 14

11 Sep 2012, 2:55 pm

Ok, I have to jump in here as a normal NT woman with normal dating/flirting experience.
Everything I read is telling me she likes you. As an aspie you are probably a bit aloof and she finds you interesting and is trying to get to know you. The paper seems to bore her and she is not interested in it much, so I think she has not interest in stealing your paper! By texting you she is trying to take it to a more personal level. Same with talking about her grandmother and taking you to the coffee shop she works at, etc. Maybe this is overwhelmingly personal for you but it is appropriate behavior for her.
As far as her asking if you live alone being a “game on” for sex….I doubt it. I would imagine she is just making conversation, same about her telling you she was sick, don’t read “sex” into it at this point. She is trying to get to know you. As far as how she dresses, she is probably dressing up to impress you a bit, get you interested and “revved” up for her. Again, this is what woman do but is not an invitation for “sex”.

I would do this in flirting with a man, just like she did: (but that doesn’t mean I want him for sex at this point)
a message later just asking me "what I was up to" and "what I was doing later". It is really hard to describe, but she was overly thankful about me helping her with the college affairs, mentioning that at least two times in each message. (I would do this to give a guy a nice ego boost)

This is key, her texting you this: "I hope you slept well", that is her trying to have a more intimate, personal text with you and hoping for a response.

Then she was very disappointed to get this, instead of something more personal :
“I sent her a more detailed overview to work with. That was the last thing that happened, she has not written me again since.”

So all is not lost and I’m sure she is still interested but you need to respond appropriately. To her “hope you slept well” text, she was probably hoping you would respond in kind “I did, hope you slept well too”. Something like that.
You should ask her for coffee again, or a movie or something else you think you would both enjoy.

But if you really don't want a girlfriend then don't toy with her either.



starryeyedvoyager
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Apr 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 942
Location: Berlin, Germany

11 Sep 2012, 3:09 pm

Thank you for your insight, it is much appreciated. Looking back at it, I do have to say the reason why I asked here was indeed the fact that I was a little overwhelmed, because I wasn't expecting this meeting to become so casual and intimate. I mean, she did stress that she would like to finish the paper before it is due (which is Octobre 1st), because she'd like to get it over with and concentrate more on the finals, but she didn't really act like it (I'd agree that she is not so much interested in the paper and its topic but more on just finishing it, if that makes any sense).
I am still a little confused as to where this is heading. I can't deny that I did enjoy our contact because it was nice talking to her and that she... well, that despite my odd personality and appearance, she did take the effort to find something interersting in me and that feeling is... new. Yet I am still a little hesitant to follow up on what has happened, because I simply do not want to be coming on too strong or anything like that, and I simply can't stand the feeling that I might be bothering someone by sending them messages and such. Especially since she seems to go through some rough times, I don't want to seem like someone who tries and exploit her.



Blammo
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 9 Sep 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 217
Location: Chico, California

11 Sep 2012, 5:02 pm

Well, dressing fancy for someone you do not know very well can mean several things. To me it means you are trying to impress someone way. Trying way too hard. Maybe that is just how she dresses though? Maybe she is old fashioned in believing that appearance is important to strangers, therefore one should always dress their best when meeting new people?

I don't see her motives as evil if she can't get your full paper. I think you have an opportunity to learn firsthand about this contact. I would not be scared or worried to text her, because she has obviously had no issues texting you back. Most women usually wait for the contact to be initiated by men first. Just don't text her at 3am or something lol.

Go for it, speak to her, maybe pursue a friendship or even a relationship with her. What is the worst that can happen? She or you get tired of each other? Oh well. I would personally give it a shot. If you have any questions, you can always ask her, I'm sure she'll be glad to answer them.

Please keep us updated to how she responds and what she says. The more information I have to work with, the better 8)



Stalk
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2012
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,157

11 Sep 2012, 5:08 pm

Yeah don't wait too long to contact either. When I say too long I mean more than a week. Even if you get her as a friend, she could potentially include you into her circle of friends and get to social with more people where you could meet even more potential partners :)



Blammo
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 9 Sep 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 217
Location: Chico, California

11 Sep 2012, 6:52 pm

Stalk wrote:
Yeah don't wait too long to contact either. When I say too long I mean more than a week. Even if you get her as a friend, she could potentially include you into her circle of friends and get to social with more people where you could meet even more potential partners :)


Yes. This is a great point. Try to contact her within 2 days if you can.



starryeyedvoyager
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Apr 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 942
Location: Berlin, Germany

12 Sep 2012, 2:59 am

She wrote again today, telling me she was still sick with fever and all. The mail before, I asked her if I was going on her nerves writing her messages, to which she replied "no, not at all" and told me I could write her whenever I feld like it. Since she is sick, I am rather uncertain what to write about, other than: "Get well soon!" She did bring up college stuff and how she worried about not being able to finish the paper, but there's little I can do about it.


_________________
In character,
In manner,
In style,
In all things,
The supreme excellence is simplicity.
- Jesse Glover

My Autistic Score: 147 out of 200
My Neurotypical Score: 50 out fo 200


PastFixations
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Sep 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,735

12 Sep 2012, 8:29 am

Did you ask her if you could meet at the coffee shop again when she is feeling better? If not, you'd be missing an opportunity.


_________________
www.wrongplanet.net/postp5013377.html&h ... t=#5013377

Sora: "My friends are my power."

Ventus: "I'm asking you as a friend. Just... put an end to me."


happy2know
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 19 Apr 2012
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 14

12 Sep 2012, 9:13 am

I agree. Have you told her "Hope you feel better soon"?
If not, text her "I hope you feel better soon. Maybe we can meet at the coffee shop again when you are feeling better?"

Her telling you that you can text her any time is a VERY good sign that she is interested in getting to know you better.

This is important and something aspies don't do that is frustrating.
Every time she texts you, respond back. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate, even just a response, like "ok" to acknowledge her text is great if it's not a direct question. If it is a direct question, answer her in a timely manner.

Keep us posted!



starryeyedvoyager
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Apr 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 942
Location: Berlin, Germany

12 Sep 2012, 9:41 am

PastFixations wrote:
Did you ask her if you could meet at the coffee shop again when she is feeling better? If not, you'd be missing an opportunity.


Oh, I don't know if I can do that. I don't want to seem pushy, I mean, she seems to be really sick and I don't want to feel like I am forcing her to do things she might rather not do. This isn't exactly my strong side. While I do think you might be right that there is a probability that she is honestly interested in getting to know me better, I am still not quite sold on it. I guess I am rather paranoid in this regard, but I know that girls of her type usually wouldn't touch me with a 10 foot pole. Besides, I don't even know what reason to state when asking her to meet me over coffee somewhere.



PastFixations
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Sep 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,735

12 Sep 2012, 4:43 pm

Just think about it... why would she make this much effort if all she wanted was your help for her exams?
If she wasn't interested in you, she wouldn't have gone through all that.
You wouldn't be pushy. Besides, how would you know if you didn't try? Just give it a shot and don't think otherwise about it.


_________________
www.wrongplanet.net/postp5013377.html&h ... t=#5013377

Sora: "My friends are my power."

Ventus: "I'm asking you as a friend. Just... put an end to me."


Blammo
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 9 Sep 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 217
Location: Chico, California

12 Sep 2012, 5:35 pm

reason to get coffee: none needed. it's coffee and a quick chat about random topics, or chosen topics :)



JanuaryMan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jan 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,359

12 Sep 2012, 6:01 pm

No reason need for coffee. Just suggest to go. If she asks, play it down and say "it's coffee! why not?" :)
Like you I'm sure she takes her academics seriously, but if she likes you she is also using it as a way to speak to you and at times it will bore her. Use the coffee time to get to know her on a personal level.

About the dress code, it could be a number of things but it definitely isn't a bad thing!



starryeyedvoyager
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Apr 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 942
Location: Berlin, Germany

13 Sep 2012, 3:22 am

Okay, she wrote me back and she is a bit better now, and thankfully, she reverted back to talking about our college stuff, which I feel alot more comfortable with, so I guess the coffee thing has to wait until we are over with that. Has the advantage of seeing if she's still interested in meeting after she got what she wanted college-wise.



starryeyedvoyager
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Apr 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 942
Location: Berlin, Germany

13 Sep 2012, 3:25 pm

Have been writing back and forth again with her, mainly writing about college stuff, and again, she asked me what I was doing that day (other than doing college stuff). I really do not get the point of asking that, most stuff I do is rather boring, and after telling her, she didn't really ask for details, just replied that she was feeling better and hence, was going to visit her grandma in hospital again. I was actually thinking about asking her back what she was doing, but I realized since she was sick she would probably be doing... nothing. So, was her asking what I was doing just so she had a starting point to tell me what she was doing? I really can't imagine that she'd be that interested in knowing that I was going to do some running and then weightlifting... whiel enjoy it, these are not exactly the most breathtakingly stunning and exciting activities, let alone talk about it. I don't know, I think I am just really AS-like in this regard, as I really fail to grasp why she would ask me this kind of stuff, other than being bored because she was sick.



Blammo
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 9 Sep 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 217
Location: Chico, California

13 Sep 2012, 5:08 pm

I think by asking you what you were doing she:

1 - Was showing interest
2 - Possibly wanted to get together with you


I would definitely ask her out for coffee soon. The 'window' of opportunity may be passing. Talk about her personal life and goals, stuff like that. Women like to talk about themselves.


_________________
Since everyone else has this on their signatures.. might as well conform:

Your Aspie score: 121 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 107 of 200 You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits