Why do I rarely get any attention on dating sites?

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Fnord
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10 Sep 2012, 2:18 pm

Why do you rarely get any attention on dating sites?

You're a man.

One man, competing with perhaps hundreds of other men for each available woman.

And the women know it.

Blammo
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10 Sep 2012, 2:40 pm

That's how dating sites are. Unfortunately the "bad boys" are the ones who are always successful. Then they break hearts, use bodies, and make women think all men are terrible.

GiantHockeyFan
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10 Sep 2012, 3:10 pm

That's easy: you aren't getting any responses because you are a man. A normal, decent everyday man. Trust me, there are plenty of men just like you and I in the world! The 'bad boys' know how to scoop em up and make them so jaded towards all men on those sites. My advice is to stop wasting your time and just get out and about. I'm still not having any success but at least I'm meeting decent, high quality women: something I questioned the possibility of a few months ago.

RICKY5
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10 Sep 2012, 4:00 pm

Colin88 wrote:

The one site I use the most is OKCupid and no matter how many girls I message, only 1% would respond. Is it the conversation starter, my profile, that I have nothing to hide, or the questions I've answered? I've disclosed that I'm a virgin in one of the questions and made the profile as generic as possible. I'm not the most confident person in the world and in my pics, I'm not really smiling. Any way I can get more attention so I can potentially have more hope?

Smile, wear clothing that fits and matches. DO NOT DISCLOSE your virginity.

You want to convey that you have social status and are going somewhere. Hypergamy rules all.

But more importantly you need to free yourself of the need for external validation. If you work and hold down a decent job, you can just hire an escort to get laid.

wtfid2
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10 Sep 2012, 6:16 pm

a few girls stopped talking to me after reading my match questions that i ma virgin or other s**t..so i either lie in my matchquestions or hide them

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wtfid2
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10 Sep 2012, 6:18 pm

She’s out of message storage! She can’t get messages until she deletes a few.
But we can let yours through, if you’re not above bribery.

Bribe us for $1

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GiantHockeyFan
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10 Sep 2012, 7:14 pm

RICKY5 wrote:

Smile, wear clothing that fits and matches. DO NOT DISCLOSE your virginity.

You want to convey that you have social status and are going somewhere. Hypergamy rules all.

What if you want a woman that isn't interested in 'social status' or following the crowd? You know, the type who understands and would be compatible with Aspies? I may be strange but a girl who isn't seeking social status or having virginity would be an instant plus for me. Seems to me they would be a lot less likely to leave you the second an Alpha male walks past unlike some of the shallow, pretentious little girls I'm running into on these sites.

Again, I repeat: stop wasting your time on these sites. The few decent women rarely stick around!

Rorberyllium
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10 Sep 2012, 8:25 pm

I've actually gone back and forth on wether or not I should even set up an OKCupid profile. from what I've gathered most people who use the site are typically cisgendered and heteronormative/homonormative. I'm not sure how well received I would be existing outside of that.

My sexual identity is pretty fluid and sometimes uncertain. There are times where I'm really into guys and other times where I'm more interested in girls. I've also been involved with non-cis people of varying identities. I think more recently I might be interested in cis females (or otherwise female bodied), but I'm not sure if I actually want a "relationship" with someone. (or at least not anything committed/long term).

I've considered maybe going with fetlife instead. Thing is I don't really consider myself a fetishist, but people on there seem generally more cool/open with genderqueer or sexually fluid folks.

Anyone have any suggestions?

Venger
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11 Sep 2012, 12:35 am

At least OKcupid lets you deactivate your account for as long you want without totally deleting it. If you're not having any luck you can deactivate it for a month or two, and wait for a number of new profiles to appear.

I might do that pretty soon. It's very annoying when I keep seeing most of the same stupid women while looking at the profile list.

Wolfheart
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11 Sep 2012, 3:27 am

Send me your profile or post it up here and I'll give you some tips.

Generic is boring.

The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Sep 2012, 5:19 am

Colin88 wrote:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt209006.html

PM me if you want.

The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Sep 2012, 5:36 am

As a start, you should read this:

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your- ... ne-dating/

Quote:

As you can see from the gray line, women rate an incredible 80% of guys as worse-looking than medium. Very harsh. On the other hand, when it comes to actual messaging, women shift their expectations only just slightly ahead of the curve, which is a healthier pattern than guys’ pursuing the all-but-unattainable. But with the basic ratings so out-of-whack, the two curves together suggest some strange possibilities for the female thought process, the most salient of which is that the average-looking woman has convinced herself that the vast majority of males aren’t good enough for her, but she then goes right out and messages them anyway.

Just to illustrate that women are operating on a very different scale, here are just a few of the many, many guys we here in the office think are totally decent-looking, but that women have rated, in their occult way, as significantly less attractive than so-called “medium”:

Females of OkCupid, we site founders say to you: ouch! Paradoxically, it seems it’s women, not men, who have unrealistic standards for the “average” member of the opposite sex.

So in order to get any chance on dating sites you should become of the 20%.

Not of the 20% = nothing. (unless if you happen to be extremely lucky but ..duh..).

Women aren't attracted to a man who is a gentleman, they are attracted to an Alpha (alpha-looking in the case of online dating) and they would like him to behave like a gentleman.

Colin88
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11 Sep 2012, 8:36 am

RICKY5 wrote:

Colin88 wrote:

I don't think it's my virginity that's turning them off. It's got to be the lack of relationships I claimed in the questions. I hid a lot of them now. Also, some of my friends wanted to get me an escort, but it never followed through. I've 'trusted' close friends to help me out, but it never works.

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Tequila
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11 Sep 2012, 8:37 am

Fnord wrote:

Why do you rarely get any attention on dating sites?

You're a man.

One man, competing with perhaps hundreds of other men for each available woman.

And the women know it.

You might as well lock that thread now, your question has been answered in the quoted post Colin88.

WantToHaveALife
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15 Oct 2012, 12:58 pm

Colin88 wrote:

sadly thats how online dating is for the majority of guys

Colin88
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15 Oct 2012, 6:19 pm

I'm terrible at it in real life, so dating sites are my last resort. Unless I can find a wingman/woman

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