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GiantHockeyFan
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30 Sep 2012, 7:10 pm

I'm 99% sure my new girl is an Aspie (or an Autie) and let's just say that even though her physical looks are well behind mine, she has had MUCH more action than I have. Of course, most of them ended up just being sex maniacs who never wanted to do anything but if she's getting that much attention she's obviously doing better than me. Oh, and shes over 7 years younger on top of that!

I have to admit it's still a struggle dating a probable Aspie. I still feel in the back of my mind she's only using me (because of her very monotone voice) but she's been very open and honest about what she is willing to do!



WantToHaveALife
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30 Sep 2012, 11:18 pm

nick007 wrote:
thewhitrbbit wrote:
When it comes to online dating, women def have the upper hand. Some sites have as many as 10 guys to 1 girl.

Especially when it comes to Aspergers. AS is diagnosed 4x more in men than women & Aspie guys seem to generally have a harder time getting women than Aspie girls have getting men. I'm NOT saying that Aspie women have an easy time getting men but there's lots more than 4x as many post here by lonely guys than lonely women & the social roles for men & women tend to be different with dating; the men more active with seeking & women more passive generally so women who aren't having much luck can take the more active approach & messaging guys 1st online can give them an edge that the guys don't get. So while the idea of an Aspie dating thing sounds very appealing; it's very likely to work for most due to the much higher ratio of Aspie guys to Aspie women using it.


yes, as in, aspie women date NT men, but aspie men usually end up with nothing at all



Wanderingronin42
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01 Oct 2012, 11:54 am

It is defeatist to think like this. I date a girl that all the tells of AS, but she had never seen a doctor. The trick I have learn is to stop looking at dating as a research project and more like a win or lose game, rather just a game where you keep score. If you can get a woman to smile and have a good conversation, you have scored. If you get her number, its a big win. Getting a date you are have way there.

I think the problem, I realize is whether you are AS or NT, both want to be in relationships. The trick for AS people is that we have learn to express those inner feelings in a way to attract a mate. I let the fact I had AS stop me from pursuing a lot of good women in my life and I realized I was defeating myself from the start. So I let go of it, I started to treat myself as a just human male that just wants to enjoy the company of women. I am probably oversimplify it, but it is a hard and long road to do this. I do not have all the answers.

This long road starts with figuring out who you are.



WantToHaveALife
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01 Oct 2012, 2:13 pm

Wanderingronin42 wrote:
It is defeatist to think like this. I date a girl that all the tells of AS, but she had never seen a doctor. The trick I have learn is to stop looking at dating as a research project and more like a win or lose game, rather just a game where you keep score. If you can get a woman to smile and have a good conversation, you have scored. If you get her number, its a big win. Getting a date you are have way there.

I think the problem, I realize is whether you are AS or NT, both want to be in relationships. The trick for AS people is that we have learn to express those inner feelings in a way to attract a mate. I let the fact I had AS stop me from pursuing a lot of good women in my life and I realized I was defeating myself from the start. So I let go of it, I started to treat myself as a just human male that just wants to enjoy the company of women. I am probably oversimplify it, but it is a hard and long road to do this. I do not have all the answers.

This long road starts with figuring out who you are.


yes, it is far more important for men to figure out who they are and know who they are than it is for women



DogsWithoutHorses
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01 Oct 2012, 3:07 pm

nick007 wrote:
thewhitrbbit wrote:
When it comes to online dating, women def have the upper hand. Some sites have as many as 10 guys to 1 girl.

Especially when it comes to Aspergers. AS is diagnosed 4x more in men than women & Aspie guys seem to generally have a harder time getting women than Aspie girls have getting men. I'm NOT saying that Aspie women have an easy time getting men but there's lots more than 4x as many post here by lonely guys than lonely women & the social roles for men & women tend to be different with dating; the men more active with seeking & women more passive generally so women who aren't having much luck can take the more active approach & messaging guys 1st online can give them an edge that the guys don't get. So while the idea of an Aspie dating thing sounds very appealing; it's very likely to work for most due to the much higher ratio of Aspie guys to Aspie women using it.


You realize a sizeable part of the disparity in diagnosis is because autistic girls are disadvantaged in being identified and receiving appropriate care. That if we are diagnosed it's more likely to be in adolescence/adulthood.
Just...it's not a net gain for aspie girls that there are fewer of us diagnosed.

I think whether or not you can "pass" as NT is a better predictor of romantic success than gender. My autistic (not aspergers, literally the only diagnostic difference is age of first speech) SO has had a decent love life, because you wouldn't know unless you were told (or a nerd about spectrum disorders) that he's autistic.
That said, because of the difference in how spectrum disorders are likely to present, girls are more likely to be able to pass.


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01 Oct 2012, 5:13 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
nick007 wrote:
thewhitrbbit wrote:
When it comes to online dating, women def have the upper hand. Some sites have as many as 10 guys to 1 girl.

Especially when it comes to Aspergers. AS is diagnosed 4x more in men than women & Aspie guys seem to generally have a harder time getting women than Aspie girls have getting men. I'm NOT saying that Aspie women have an easy time getting men but there's lots more than 4x as many post here by lonely guys than lonely women & the social roles for men & women tend to be different with dating; the men more active with seeking & women more passive generally so women who aren't having much luck can take the more active approach & messaging guys 1st online can give them an edge that the guys don't get. So while the idea of an Aspie dating thing sounds very appealing; it's very likely to work for most due to the much higher ratio of Aspie guys to Aspie women using it.


You realize a sizeable part of the disparity in diagnosis is because autistic girls are disadvantaged in being identified and receiving appropriate care. That if we are diagnosed it's more likely to be in adolescence/adulthood.
Just...it's not a net gain for aspie girls that there are fewer of us diagnosed.

I think whether or not you can "pass" as NT is a better predictor of romantic success than gender. My autistic (not aspergers, literally the only diagnostic difference is age of first speech) SO has had a decent love life, because you wouldn't know unless you were told (or a nerd about spectrum disorders) that he's autistic.
That said, because of the difference in how spectrum disorders are likely to present, girls are more likely to be able to pass.


i hate life



DogsWithoutHorses
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01 Oct 2012, 5:20 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
nick007 wrote:
thewhitrbbit wrote:
When it comes to online dating, women def have the upper hand. Some sites have as many as 10 guys to 1 girl.

Especially when it comes to Aspergers. AS is diagnosed 4x more in men than women & Aspie guys seem to generally have a harder time getting women than Aspie girls have getting men. I'm NOT saying that Aspie women have an easy time getting men but there's lots more than 4x as many post here by lonely guys than lonely women & the social roles for men & women tend to be different with dating; the men more active with seeking & women more passive generally so women who aren't having much luck can take the more active approach & messaging guys 1st online can give them an edge that the guys don't get. So while the idea of an Aspie dating thing sounds very appealing; it's very likely to work for most due to the much higher ratio of Aspie guys to Aspie women using it.


You realize a sizeable part of the disparity in diagnosis is because autistic girls are disadvantaged in being identified and receiving appropriate care. That if we are diagnosed it's more likely to be in adolescence/adulthood.
Just...it's not a net gain for aspie girls that there are fewer of us diagnosed.

I think whether or not you can "pass" as NT is a better predictor of romantic success than gender. My autistic (not aspergers, literally the only diagnostic difference is age of first speech) SO has had a decent love life, because you wouldn't know unless you were told (or a nerd about spectrum disorders) that he's autistic.
That said, because of the difference in how spectrum disorders are likely to present, girls are more likely to be able to pass.


i hate life


do you need help?
or are you just trolling up a storm?

you keep posting disjointed responses that are negative, I'm concerned


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If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don?t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth.


nick007
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01 Oct 2012, 5:47 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
nick007 wrote:
thewhitrbbit wrote:
When it comes to online dating, women def have the upper hand. Some sites have as many as 10 guys to 1 girl.

Especially when it comes to Aspergers. AS is diagnosed 4x more in men than women & Aspie guys seem to generally have a harder time getting women than Aspie girls have getting men. I'm NOT saying that Aspie women have an easy time getting men but there's lots more than 4x as many post here by lonely guys than lonely women & the social roles for men & women tend to be different with dating; the men more active with seeking & women more passive generally so women who aren't having much luck can take the more active approach & messaging guys 1st online can give them an edge that the guys don't get. So while the idea of an Aspie dating thing sounds very appealing; it's very likely to work for most due to the much higher ratio of Aspie guys to Aspie women using it.


You realize a sizeable part of the disparity in diagnosis is because autistic girls are disadvantaged in being identified and receiving appropriate care. That if we are diagnosed it's more likely to be in adolescence/adulthood.
Just...it's not a net gain for aspie girls that there are fewer of us diagnosed.

I think whether or not you can "pass" as NT is a better predictor of romantic success than gender. My autistic (not aspergers, literally the only diagnostic difference is age of first speech) SO has had a decent love life, because you wouldn't know unless you were told (or a nerd about spectrum disorders) that he's autistic.
That said, because of the difference in how spectrum disorders are likely to present, girls are more likely to be able to pass.

I think it's more about being able to relate to & understand the opposite sex. Some say Aspergers an an extreme male brain. I heard lots of male comedians joke about how they don't understand women because women are indirect, play mind-games, ask questions that they don't want an honest answer to. I heard lots of NT guys mention those same complains about women in different conversations. I think it's harder for Aspie guys because Aspies are more direct & straightforward & more oblivious to the subtlety. NT guys might be more appreciative how an Aspie women is more direct than NT 1s. I'm NOT saying this is always the case; no two individuals are alike so there are plenty of exceptions.


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WantToHaveALife
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02 Oct 2012, 10:04 am

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
nick007 wrote:
thewhitrbbit wrote:
When it comes to online dating, women def have the upper hand. Some sites have as many as 10 guys to 1 girl.

Especially when it comes to Aspergers. AS is diagnosed 4x more in men than women & Aspie guys seem to generally have a harder time getting women than Aspie girls have getting men. I'm NOT saying that Aspie women have an easy time getting men but there's lots more than 4x as many post here by lonely guys than lonely women & the social roles for men & women tend to be different with dating; the men more active with seeking & women more passive generally so women who aren't having much luck can take the more active approach & messaging guys 1st online can give them an edge that the guys don't get. So while the idea of an Aspie dating thing sounds very appealing; it's very likely to work for most due to the much higher ratio of Aspie guys to Aspie women using it.


You realize a sizeable part of the disparity in diagnosis is because autistic girls are disadvantaged in being identified and receiving appropriate care. That if we are diagnosed it's more likely to be in adolescence/adulthood.
Just...it's not a net gain for aspie girls that there are fewer of us diagnosed.

I think whether or not you can "pass" as NT is a better predictor of romantic success than gender. My autistic (not aspergers, literally the only diagnostic difference is age of first speech) SO has had a decent love life, because you wouldn't know unless you were told (or a nerd about spectrum disorders) that he's autistic.
That said, because of the difference in how spectrum disorders are likely to present, girls are more likely to be able to pass.


i hate life


do you need help?
or are you just trolling up a storm?

you keep posting disjointed responses that are negative, I'm concerned


yes just venting



Wanderingronin42
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02 Oct 2012, 12:21 pm

Look at it this way too. The dating world on its own has become disconnected. I have been on a few first dates via online dating where the girl had lied to me about who she was and what she looked like and then judged me because I did not accept or did not liked her because she lied. On top of this of the ones that worked out, the girl would say after the first date she did not feel anything and would say just be friends. I have come far when it comes to dating, I no longer have push over nice guy act. The biggest problem I have is that people except instant attraction or romance are disappointed when it does not happen.

Personally, I like a slow relationship where I get know a woman over a couple of weeks. I value a woman that can be independent and does not need around the clock attention. We need some form dependence in a relationship, but its a thin line between healthy and obsession. Or I am missing the point?



WantToHaveALife
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02 Oct 2012, 5:03 pm

Wanderingronin42 wrote:
Look at it this way too. The dating world on its own has become disconnected. I have been on a few first dates via online dating where the girl had lied to me about who she was and what she looked like and then judged me because I did not accept or did not liked her because she lied. On top of this of the ones that worked out, the girl would say after the first date she did not feel anything and would say just be friends. I have come far when it comes to dating, I no longer have push over nice guy act. The biggest problem I have is that people except instant attraction or romance are disappointed when it does not happen.

Personally, I like a slow relationship where I get know a woman over a couple of weeks. I value a woman that can be independent and does not need around the clock attention. We need some form dependence in a relationship, but its a thin line between healthy and obsession. Or I am missing the point?


i just hate how a guy's online profile description, as in what is written in his profile, and the type of activities, things he is doing in his pictures, matter a whole lot more than a girls



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02 Oct 2012, 5:50 pm

WTHAL,

That is life. Life is unfair. Nothing can be done. Improve yourself and stop worrying about the obstacles and unfairness. If you keep looking at the giant brick wall and complain, how do you ever hope to climb over it?


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Since everyone else has this on their signatures.. might as well conform:

Your Aspie score: 121 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 107 of 200 You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits


WantToHaveALife
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03 Oct 2012, 2:48 pm

Blammo wrote:
WTHAL,

That is life. Life is unfair. Nothing can be done. Improve yourself and stop worrying about the obstacles and unfairness. If you keep looking at the giant brick wall and complain, how do you ever hope to climb over it?


yes, it is unfair, it's hard to accept and deal with



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04 Oct 2012, 11:38 am

Blammo wrote:
WTHAL,

That is life. Life is unfair. Nothing can be done. Improve yourself and stop worrying about the obstacles and unfairness. If you keep looking at the giant brick wall and complain, how do you ever hope to climb over it?


"Brick walls aren't there to stop us. They are there to prove how badly we want something" - Randy Pausch

I only recently learned to understand those words and my life has improved greatly. I even have my first girlfriend (at 29) and lets just say my inexperience didn't slow me down one bit last night. I think my desire to overcome that brick wall made the next step all the more satisfying! :lol:



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05 Oct 2012, 12:40 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
Blammo wrote:
WTHAL,

That is life. Life is unfair. Nothing can be done. Improve yourself and stop worrying about the obstacles and unfairness. If you keep looking at the giant brick wall and complain, how do you ever hope to climb over it?


"Brick walls aren't there to stop us. They are there to prove how badly we want something" - Randy Pausch

I only recently learned to understand those words and my life has improved greatly. I even have my first girlfriend (at 29) and lets just say my inexperience didn't slow me down one bit last night. I think my desire to overcome that brick wall made the next step all the more satisfying! :lol:


yeah, applies to us men more



DogsWithoutHorses
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05 Oct 2012, 4:28 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:
GiantHockeyFan wrote:
Blammo wrote:
WTHAL,

That is life. Life is unfair. Nothing can be done. Improve yourself and stop worrying about the obstacles and unfairness. If you keep looking at the giant brick wall and complain, how do you ever hope to climb over it?


"Brick walls aren't there to stop us. They are there to prove how badly we want something" - Randy Pausch

I only recently learned to understand those words and my life has improved greatly. I even have my first girlfriend (at 29) and lets just say my inexperience didn't slow me down one bit last night. I think my desire to overcome that brick wall made the next step all the more satisfying! :lol:


yeah, applies to us men more


it's totally cool how vaginas grant wishes and prevent any hardship or sorrow

you literally hate that what you write in your profile matters, what?...that people care who you are and not just what shape meat hole you are, that bothers you
are you a parody or something?


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If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don?t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth.