Coping with being an ugly male

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All too true! I mean, we all see it all the time... attractive women hanging off the arms of ugly-but-muscular guys. That "energy" and "confidence" must be FAR more attractive than movie-star-looks.

One thing I have learned is that people are opposite to magnets: If you are positive, you attract other positive people. If you are negative, you will be surrounded by negative ones. It sounds silly, but from where I am standing, it is the truth.

I'm as toned as I can get, and still have nobody hanging off me.

There's a true statement here that I hate to use, but it's that you can't fix ugly. Actually you can fix it temporarily if you have thousands of dollars, but if you're ugly enough to where even your smile repulses people, you're not gonna have luck in the romance department unless you're rich. Life isn't a Disney fairy-tale, believe it or not.

its been 9 months of trying. its not occuring any time soon

I like physical activity, but it must be something that is not repetitive. For example, swimming, martial arts, parkour and hiking. In other words, it must be something that could pass as a game.

Weightlifting is probably the world's most boring activity; I tried it once and did not like it. I can tolerate things like pushups and sitdowns, but only when they serve as warm-up to the aforementioned activities I like.

Anyway, in theory, I do not have any problem regarding my physical appearance. In practice, though, I am the proverbial "nobody would touch that with a borrowed 10' pole" guy.

Add me to the list of people who feel worse when they exercise. Exercising actually pisses me off, so I make it a point not to do it anymore (I stopped once I got kinda toned).

I am the opposite. Some people like my personality, and say that I'm everything women should want in a guy, but my looks turn them off. At least be grateful you were blessed with looks because like it or not, no matter what anyone says, they do matter to pretty much everyone. Even me, and I'd say I'm not a shallow guy.

I recently (about two hours ago) discovered that my eccentrical behavior overrides any qualities I may have. Not that I care; I am not interested in being exactly like everybody else. But I would like to be able to fake it.

I guess that means I actually care.

Well the thing is, you can fake it and you can always practice at faking it. Ugly dudes, though, if they're lower than a 4/10, it doesn't matter if they're the funniest guy or most positive guy or whatever, they will still get rejected based on something they can't control. I recently asked one of the girls out from a thread I made, and she was telling me how she likes being around me because I make her laugh and blah blah blah, but won't go out with me. Meanwhile, the guy she likes now (who I actually set her up with) is....to put it nicely....not the most interesting guy in the world. But he is better looking than I am. So I think that really does have something to do with it.

In Ratae's case, if it's that severe where it's like mine where he gets scowls from everyone, exercising and all that won't help him. What he'll have to do is just accept the fact that people are dicks and act accordingly. But this is advice that even I have trouble taking.

I used to think I was the ugliest person in the world, but then I just started making myself believe I was attractive. It worked. IT'S ALL IN OUR HEADS. Also, a smile is sometimes hard for us aspies to do, but that's the actual secret to the most powerful thing anyone can do to alter their appearance. Watch some of the movies that have been based on the theme of the main characters who have a grotesque appearance and how they rose above it, and it's always when they smile that the tide of the movie changes and you don't CARE how he or she looks.

Pretty much what everyone said here is true. I'm not much of a ladies' man myself. (My mom tells me I'm good-looking though.) But I'm 5'3 and my face is mildly disfigured and scarred. I have a very handsome and charismatic best friend who I used to hang out with all the time, and he got all the female attention. A lot of it. I was always a so-called "third wheel". Sometimes I would stare at myself for a long time in the mirror and wish I wasn't me. Wish that I could wish all of this away. Even get cosmetic surgery someday. However I figured that looks are subjective anyway, and there will always be someone better-looking than you, depending on who you ask. It's not all about how you compare to other people after all, it's how you compare to yourself. It's all about being the best that you can be. Making do with what you have. That means taking good care of yourself, from buying well-fitted and decent-looking clothing, to paying attention to your personal hygiene, to your haircut, to your physique, end even to how well you "carry" yourself. Think about times when you saw a woman who, when you actually stopped to look at her, was not even that objectively beautiful, but there was just something about her that made your blood boil. Maybe it was her posture and the way she seemed to stick out her tits when she stood. Maybe it was the way she moved her hips and shoulders as she walked. Maybe it was the way she was dressed. Maybe she was what one would call a "butterface" and had a really attractive body. Maybe she KNOWS she's hot and is projecting it. I'm not going to get into body language, since I am Autistic and am not in any way qualified to make any assessments on it, but sometimes actually feeling good about yourself (e.g. you just got back from the gym, your crush smiled at you, you just got laid) reflects upon how you look. And people can actually pick up on that (even though some of us cannot). Perhaps it's the air of confidence that makes a person attractive.

I've personally had one such experience with this, a success story if you will. I've never had a girlfriend, but I once accidentally stumbled upon what started out as a very carnal relationship that later developed into something rather serious (to me). One of the girls that my best friend used to regularly take home (who I was rather attracted to the first time I saw) I guess was looking for some variety and wanted to hook up with someone different. She was hanging out at his house and I unknowingly came in to talk to him after just finishing my evening training session, sweaty and dressed in nothing but pants. Sure, I was short, I was disfigured, I had a big head, and I never talked to her as I could not hold a conversation to save my life. But I was training to be a professional fighter then, working-out twice a day, and I was very lean and shredded, at around 5% body fat. (Think Brad Pitt's physique from "Snatch".) I also, surprisingly, did not stink that particular day, and was feeling kind of confident after just crushing a hard conditioning workout. So she asked him for me, I came over to her condo at around 2:30 in the morning, sat on her bed until 5:30 without making a move, and went home. She got pissed and made me come over again the next day, then she jumped me. Apparently it was good, and she had me coming over to her condo once a week after that. Aside from the coitus we would have long conversations and she found that I was actually an interesting person. After a few months it turned rather serious, until she left a year later and I didn't come after her. Yes, she could have been my only chance at a happy ending, and yes, that is probably as good as it gets (and I can ever hope to get) for me. But hey, I'm thankful for the experience. I feel lucky for that accident. What I'm saying is take care of yourself and for all you know you could be that accident.

And if nothing else:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0kF71EaRfI[/youtube]

Last edited by Palakol on 09 Oct 2012, 9:45 pm, edited 5 times in total.

For the most part you're correct (sadly some people are extremely unattractive, although it's very rare), as I alluded to previously most of us are average.
So much of it is mental, and often we can be so very critical of ourselves.
Exercise really can help both mentally and physically and I recommend to anyone feeling unattractive.
Also remember to take care of yourself, make a change to your appearance. Buy new clothes.
Experiment, take chances. You may just find what you're looking for.
And remember to never give up, NEVER!

"If you are not prepared to take risks, you can't expect to get results."

All I gotta ask is, when did the people this forum become so idealistic?

Sorry if that sounds rude, but......

Working out is hard (well, I am not really doing it at the moment). After my last pregnancy (difficult, had to basically sit down for five months, doing absolutely nothing), I had to start training, just to be able to get through the day without to much pain. The first month or two was so dissapointing that I nearly stopped again, it took me three months just to do the "Sideways Bending Using Both Arms " a decent amount of times. What I am trying to say is, if you are not in any shape at all, it will take months to get results.

Well, actually I should do something more for myself, I still have back problems and would like to fix a few other things as well

Weightlifting, the actual sport of it, is really fun. Not repetitive at all. It's an explosive activity. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUl7UqbL3uc

For me, doing that is like a video game. You basically just constantly seek to increase your "score" or weight on the bar. I don't care about how many reps I do at all, I just want my max to be higher. There's a great difference between lifting for strength and doing it for bodybuilding. I used to think weightlifting was boring and pointless and I hated it, until I discovered the powerlifts and Olympic lifting. Now it's fun, though hard and sometimes depressing as it takes a big physical and mental toll to try to hit maximum weights every session, which is why people don't do it.

Seriously, grab a barbell and try snatching. Sure isn't boring.

i wouldnt tell someone to just try snatching. it is the most technical lift out there.

This is the love and dating section.

There are plenty of people that are hopeless romantics.

Logic dictates that this people like giving advice to others about not giving up and this board happens to be a great place to do it.

If you happen to be uncomfortable with that look for a board thats a bit more specific about what you are looking for, here you are going to find plenty of different approaches when it comes to love and dating.