Not having your life in order.

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It's true... when your life is in shambles, it's very hard to attract someone. Really - would YOU date someone who's a hot mess? Do you want to carry someone else's heavy burden? Serious baggage doesn't make a very attractive package...

I've got problems of my own and don't have all the answers yet, but having a positive mindset goes a long, long way.

The only suggestion I have is: CLEAN! When you're depressed, you just don't want to and your world gets messy. There's something about forcing yourself to do it anyway and when you look at the nice room afterwards, you just feel.... good! Being in that room while it's still clean feels better. Cleaning your house ends up helping clean up your life!

Just be sure to break it into small jobs... you don't have to clean the whole kitchen, just set yourself to do *A* job - one load of dishes, one load of laundry, etc. When you accomplish the task, you get an "aaahhhhhh" feeling from it. Savour that.

Cleaning works for sure. When my apartment was a mess so was I. It was a reflection of how I felt or if it wasn't it would soon influence me. If you don't have a place of your own just clean your personal space or keep on top of your personal hygiene.

As far as bombs not working, it's two things, one is the cats, which we've tried medicine for, next is washing, but it's hard and last time me and a friend seriously tried to wash the cats, my family all freaked out and said because the cats were unhappy with being washed, it was "mean." By my family, I mean my mother and 2 sisters. I probably will "just do it" again soon, as the medicine doesn't seem to do jack s**t, but yeah. As far as the bombs itself, one thing interesting about bombs, and I've seen this (in my garage, coincidentally, where we had no cats for a long time after bombing) the fleas over generations grow to adapt to the chemicals in the bombs, and get basically immune to them. It's pretty wild stuff. Also, another issue was just in general a lot of fleas in the area outdoors, now the flea problem is a lot better just since it got colder out, but what happened last year was it didn't get all too cold during the winter, so more fleas survived for the summer. So not even my house per se, but my lawn had fleas on it, too, even without my cats being on it (though there are a bunch of stray cats in my ghetto neighborhood.)

As far as the exterminator, I've brought my mother to tears suggesting it, saying how bad fleas are. She would just say I'm overreacting, it's not that bad, etc, then finally when I showed her how it is that bad (ie, showing the wikipedia article on pulicosis) she'd just start crying and being like "I DO WHAT I CAN...!" And it literally took a week or two to even get my family out of the house for 4 hours just so I could apply bombs to the whole house. They just don't care. In my case, I cleaned my room spotless, and applied boric acid and diatemaceous earth to the carpet, and had my room basically spotless and quarantined, but it got fleas regardless because the rest of the family doesn't care. My sister with the boyfriend's solution is just to never be home ever and just always be out with her boyfriend. To be fair to my mom, she has fibromyalgia, and is disabled, but it's still just a huge pain.

Maybe bringing up the fleas was a bad idea, as it's created a bit of a shitstorm in this thread with people calling me an animal abuser and stuff like that, but yeah.

To sorta get back on topic, I know how to fix the problems exactly, it's just resources. I've had much less energy since the fleas have been in my house, and nutritionally I've been a bit "bleh" again, due to my mother. So I have a hard time, circumstances aside, doing things I LIKE doing, like say, ice skating, or lifting weights, nevermind things I don't like doing. I can and will fix the problems myself eventually, but it takes effort and time. The point of this thread isn't to ask "How can I fix all my problems?" I know damned well how to fix them all, and maybe knowing is half the battle, but it's only half. The point of this thread is to ask, should I wait for the problems to pass, or just go anyway? It seems for every other pursuit in my life, I just say "well, who cares I don't have _____, I'm gonna just go at it anyway because I want to, yeah!" And usually it works, sometimes it doesn't, though.

But dating I'm just super cautious. As far as being a "hot mess" that's unfortunately exactly what I am. My problems aren't from my appearance or possibly even my personality really (though the NVLD/Aspergers can make me a 'tard sometimes,) it's just... I'm a mess. But at the same time, there's loads of other people that are in even bigger messes than I am in relationships, and that's where I wonder if it'd be wise or not, or if being in a relationship would make me happier and better able to solve my "messes." And regarding the mess even more, maybe if a girl takes me "as I am" so to speak, it'd be better than taking me when I have a working MKII Supra with a turbo, a clean room with a LCD TV, being confident in myself and comfortable mentally, having a good job, and being single digit bodyfat and having visible abs. Remember in marriage vows, it does say "in sickness and in health" so who knows, maybe it isn't as idiotic as I think to try looking for a girl while I'm "sick" maybe even despite the inevitable failures, as chances are, I'll be "sick" in one way or another in my life anyway, so if she can't handle it now, while there's ups and downs, how will she handle harder things life throws? But at the same time, men aren't supposed to be "sick" you don't hear many stories of women, you know, "rescuing" men, if that makes sense, but you hear the inverse all the time. That's where I feel ashamed, you know? It's supposed to be the reverse, right?

You have a house and a car and pets? If so you must be making a living somehow which does indicate at least basic stability. I mean no one is perfect so thinking you have to be perfect before you can consider having a relationship. Maybe you're being a bit too hard on yourself with all those insecurities.

I mean I don't want to dis-validate your problems but many of us don't even have a house or a car and have much more wrecks of lives than what you described, so yeah it seems more like insecurity and self consciousness than actual unworthiness for relationships.

That's just my opinion though, I don't know your whole situation or things you've been through. I personally feel like things are too much of a mess with me for dating as well though and that it would make it difficult for me to do my part in being in a relationship but these things can be pretty complex so it varies for people.

Oh, I don't have a job, it's my mother's house and I can drive my mother's car. I did have 2 jobs for a short time a long time ago, and my mother bought me a car from my backed SSI benefits for her SSI (she applied for SSI benefits, got a lump sum, and because the SSI benefits were to my name, they were technically mine, long long thing) a few years ago, but my car died and then I've been only driving her cars for a while. Managed to get a license, too, just barely, but my NVLD makes driving hard if I've not done the route a few times and got it memorized, terrible navigation skills and terrible like, quick thinking skills, if that makes sense.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs

Sex is at the bottom of the pyramid?