Need help with my marriage.

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I went through a similar situation when my marriage ended, at the time I didn't know about AS, I just knew I was different.

My ex wife was very social, and when we were out in any type of social envirnoment she was very quick to socialise with other people.

In hindsight, all I really wanted to see, through actions not words, was that she would choose me. I felt that she was just staying with me because we were married with kids. This thought festered in my mind and without seeing anything to disregard it, I became distant and unloving.

I don't know if this is how your husband feels, but it won't hurt to let him see, if/when a genuine opportunity arises and in an emotional honest way, that seperate from any family or life commitments, you would simply choose him.

Would he agree that information is valuable and therefore a process of collecting info/excluding issues would be wise before committing to a decision?

On the agenda:
Gp
Counsellor (my ASD psych does couples counselling for NT/ASD couples)
Holidays (together or alone)
Time (maybe 12-18 months)

Hopefully he will be able to see that the process of getting the dx has affected him and he can reframe everything given a bit of time.

I have found dealing with marriage problems, I need to run the whole thing professionally, like a work project. My Aspie husband responds really well to this approach.

That would make me feel gross if I was asked to say "thank you", for something done supposedly out of love or respect already. Why do you need extra validation? I agree with the other's and his obligation to his children but if it means also disrupting his place of peace for your required mannerisms seems illogical.

Well, maybe not every time, but a spouse will feel pretty lousy if their partner NEVER says "thank you" for all those little things - and/or never does them in return...