again_with_this wrote:
To an NT spouse I'd say: SPEAK YOU MIND, say flat out what it is you're feeling/thinking. Don't magically assume I "get" what you're trying to imply, and don't take offense if I don't interpret your nonsense correctly.
And on the same token, if you misunderstand something I've said, or don't know how to interpret what I've said, ASK FOR CLARIFICATION before assuming the worst and jumping to defensive/emotional retaliation over a misunderstanding.
Yes!! ! This is the best advice, i say please be blunt with me! I constantly tell her that to be blunt with me is best, as if has caused problems.
I will not do white lies, i see all lies as lies and its against my morals.
My NT GF is very very hard to read so it can be a problem at times. We've been together 5 years and there's a huge amount of times that i have to ask what is she thinking.
There have been times she has taken what i said and twisted it to sound as if i were saying mean things to her. And i tell her no that's not it and is she projecting that back to me since she was thinking that?
Unfortunately we don't always make it to clarification as she gets really defensive usually. I try to not say anything to make her feel that way and i will even tell her "i am not trying to make you defensive" so that she knows in case my tonal range is off.
What does defensive/emotional retaliation mean?
10 Nov 2012, 6:13 pm
