Stargazer43 wrote:
I've been having luck with actually getting dates, but I haven't been having any luck after that lol. Really the three most important things in terms of actually getting women to respond and be receptive are your pictures, profile content, and message content. You want pictures that show you in the best light possible, but at the same time you want for them to be realistic representations of yourself, no camera tricks or photoshopping! For profile content, you want to give a sense of your personality, goals in life, hobbies, interests, etc. Show what makes you different from everyone else, and what you have to offer. I like to think of dating as analogous to job hunting: you want to show how you're different and more qualified than the other candidates out there, without coming across as pretentious.
And for message content, typically for a first message I keep it to 3-4 sentences, with one or two questions about something they mentioned in their profile. Typically I'll say something like the following: "Hello, how are you? I just saw your profile, it seems like we have a lot in common! I noticed that you enjoy hiking, I love to hike as well!! Where do you usually go hiking around here? Anyways, I hope to hear back from you!" That's pretty much a basic template that seems to work really well for me.
So that just covers the online side of things...once you actually go on a date I'm afraid I'm not the best person to offer advice, as I've been having similar luck as you. However the same sorts of principles apply...on initial dates keep the conversation to light and noncontroversial topics, make sure to look your best, follow proper manners in all respects (open doors and such). Always meet in a highly public place for safety reasons. And just try to show the best side of yourself!
Excellent advice. My friend has a wonderful description of who he is, what he likes, what he is looking for, what he has to offer. Very well written. His photos are very attractive as well. I myself have one of the most unusual profiles on OKCupid. I conducted an experiment for a friend to prove that high 90% and nearly all interests common do not equal a relationship and 80% range does not necessarily equate a "no good" match. In spite of the fact I made it clear it was an experiment intended for one person, I received many visits and more messages.....well I wasn't expecting messages!! !! Most lookers were less than 70% match, were scary looking in their photos or just not attractive to me.
Hang in there, maybe try other sites as well. Try the advice in the quote. Don't give up.
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Intelligent middle-aged female diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD, SPD a few years ago. Social difficulties and continued struggles with executive and cognitive function.