I need a girlfriend and it's killing me!

Page 2 of 3 [ 38 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3 Next

Previous topic | Next topic

Veronica
Raven
Raven

Joined: 18 Dec 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 111

19 Dec 2006, 11:27 pm

kayetes wrote:

You are female (or am I wrong?), so IMHO it's different with you. Females meet the right person, but males have to come forward and make the first step. I think it is way easier for females.

Hi. Female here. This quote...not true at all. Males don't have to come forward, they can be approached, and plenty of females take that first step (my mom proposed to my dad, I asked my boyfriend out, etc.)

Don't hole yourself into the sexist NT gender roles.

Also, it is not way easier for females. Its equally awkward and hard on both sides. I know plenty of girls who are stuck in horrible relationships with men who abuse them, cheat on them, make them feel dirty and low... its a hard hard world for the females, just like it is for the males. There are plenty of women out there who are never approached for whatever reason. People tell me I'm wicked intimidating and independent, which makes people afraid of talking to me, or being judged by me.

Fiz
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 29 Jan 2006
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,821
Location: Manchester, United Kingdom

20 Dec 2006, 10:00 am

kayetes wrote:

Fiz wrote:

You're 19 - I was single when I was 19, and it was ok. And it will change I'm sure, but I can't tell you when unfortunately. It may be in a week's time, it may be in a year's time etc etc. But it's worth it if you are patient enough to hold out for the right person. And you are still young as well. I think the point I am trying to make is that you shouldn't focus too much on this, as it will continue to bother you. I used to bother about it and it made me miserable. Then I stopped looking and felt happier. I still didn't meet anyone for a while but I didn't care. In my experience, it's always so much better when people just come along unexpectedly as opposed to looking. When you look too hard, you can miss out on chance things that are so much better and more worth it as you tend to go for what you can get, and you, like myself, deserve more than that. So stop looking would be my advice. Easier said than done but it does work eventually. It is up to you what you do, but ultimately you have to think about making things easier for yourself. And, believe it or not, people can detect desperation/self pity etc etc, or what they perceive to be this. If you don't give two hoots, people wil also pick up on this as you will come across more chilled and in control of yourself, and you may even come across as being confident (but not big headed of course) and people like this. Just my opinion.

You are female (or am I wrong?), so IMHO it's different with you. Females meet the right person, but males have to come forward and make the first step. I think it is way easier for females.

Yeah females attract people easier, but a lot of them seem to be w*kers, something of which I'm not exactly grateful for.

_________________
The only person in the world that can truly make you happy is yourself.

4lex
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 11 Dec 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 38
Location: San Diego, CA

20 Dec 2006, 5:45 pm

I'm not pretending to have had a ton of experience, but I'm 37 and I have had my fair share. When you're a teenager its easy to obsess over, and you may well be in for some rough lessons, but IMO it is better to be single than with the wrong person. This is something that I wouldn't have believed fifteen years ago, but I know better now.

Take your time, enjoy doing the things you enjoy, and don't worry about it. Besides, if you can take the desperation out of the mix, you'll be that much more attractive when you meet someone suitable.

Just my opinion.

Fiz
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 29 Jan 2006
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,821
Location: Manchester, United Kingdom

20 Dec 2006, 7:44 pm

4lex wrote:

IMO it is better to be single than with the wrong person. Take your time, enjoy doing the things you enjoy, and don't worry about it. Besides, if you can take the desperation out of the mix, you'll be that much more attractive when you meet someone suitable.

Just my opinion.

I totally agree with this opinion.

_________________
The only person in the world that can truly make you happy is yourself.

dimensionaltraveler
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 29 Nov 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 197
Location: Moonbase Alpha

20 Dec 2006, 11:47 pm

aarghapanda wrote:

think this is my 'singular interest' All the people I talk to online have girl/boyfriends, and it makes me real f***ing bitter. Why can't I have that? Why shouldn't I?

Strangely for an AS person it seems I only really think about being in a long term loving relationship, although obviously it is unattainable.

I spend my days, instead of being productive, scouring the internet for a young lady who might just take the time to make me feel less lonely if even for a second.

Every day I feel part of my being dying.

Girlfriends are nothing but trouble. You need to spend a ton of money(going to the movies,dinners,gifts and other extacurricular activites), and if you are lucky, she will permit you to have sex her.Then you have to hear their problems and they complain to you that you are acting distant and insensitive. The worst thing that her parents do not approve of you. If they do not approve that relationship is dead in the water. Just find people who are interested in "one night stands". You are young, just live life to the fullest instead being bogged down in a relationship that may not last a very long time. When you hit your late 20s, then you start slowing down and thinking about a long term relationships.

likedcalico

21 Dec 2006, 1:33 am

[quote="logitechdog"]Know what you mean I spent loads of years trying sites you find you probably won't get anyone you will want to really meet off the net people's view is

" they is no one sat at the other side of the computer "

Mainly virtual gfs.. and most say they single but really have a bf that really hurts when they hand the phone over to them...

Special when it takes you alot of time to pick up the phone and phone them....
Don't know if everyone’s been in this one but they tend to ditch you with the " your too shy bs " sat around 4 hours before waiting for someone to come back from the toilet

Want to go to group meeting stuff and outdoor groups and bump into someone...

Strangely for an AS person it seems I only really think about being in a long term loving relationship, although obviously it is unattainable.

Yep I do not think of ever just wanting to do a 1 night stand...[/quote

i found the greatest woman online she is great and i hope to speand the rest of my life with her

Gamester
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 22 Nov 2006
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,935
Location: Newberg, OR

21 Dec 2006, 1:58 am

Interesting, I've missed this post.................on purpose, and for obvious reasons, another call for help.........in a singular interest.

Mate, what you need is to realize that if you don't have a girlfriend its because you aren't ready or God doesn't believe you are ready. Thats the best thing I can put out there.

You're writting a thread on here, is the same as my blogging about it on Myspace, in other words, aint no good gonna come of it, no which way or how. so stop. think, and listen to what ever religion you belong, and listen to your god of that religion. if he be telling you to chill, then chillax bro and let the winds of change bring to you what shall be brought.

Mariah918
Blue Jay

Joined: 18 Dec 2006
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 96
Location: Illinois - USA

21 Dec 2006, 3:47 pm

Try not thinking about a relationship. A girl will come into your sight sooner or later. That's all I have to say.

Comkeen
Sea Gull

Joined: 15 Sep 2005
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 224
Location: San Francisco, CA

21 Dec 2006, 6:43 pm

Mariah918 wrote:

Try not thinking about a relationship. A girl will come into your sight sooner or later. That's all I have to say.

You might as well say, "try not to think about breathing" Even if you succeed, you are still breathing and everyone around you can tell. We are created to want to seek out companionship, so your answer is just a poor cop-out responce that would come from most NTs. You also have what's coming to people completely wrong when it comes to males. Females dont have to initiate, they just have to reciprocate. That means a female can sit around not thinking about relationships and she will still get passes from males. Males, meanwhile, if they do nothing to seek out relationships, will most likely end up being single forever. Society has different expectations placed on the two genders.

Corvus
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Sep 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,674
Location: Calgary

21 Dec 2006, 6:52 pm

Comkeen wrote:

I know a guy that doesnt try to get females and he gets scores of them. he 'stinks' of confidence. If you are confident in who you are, things will happen. You have to believe in it and think positively about it - thinking of failure will lead to failure

JimmyNeurtonRules
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Jun 2006
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 582
Location: Retroville

22 Dec 2006, 12:22 pm

aarghapanda wrote:

Same here............................ :cry:

Pandora
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 17 Jun 2005
Age: 65
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,553
Location: Townsville

26 Dec 2006, 7:14 am

As a teenager and young woman, I felt that no guys liked me and that I would never meet that special someone. It led to my making bad choices in partners. The biggest load of rubbish I got from some guys was I was "too shy" and "needed too much looking after".

This was because if we went out somewhere, I didn't want to be parked with women I didn't know so the guy could go off with his mates. The women didn't like me and I didn't know what to say to them. I never expected expensive trips or presents but because of my Aspergers, needed a bit more help with social situations.

_________________
Break out you Western girls,
Someday soon you're gonna rule the world.
Break out you Western girls,
Hold your heads up high.
"Western Girls" - Dragon

MagicMike
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 29 May 2005
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 536

26 Dec 2006, 5:24 pm

aarghapanda wrote:

As yourself this. Do you want a girlfriend because of external pressures (eg. all your friends have one), or because you genuinely feel alone and that a relationship would help you out in the long run? If it's for the first reason, then you are not mature enough to consider a healthy relationship for you are status-centered.

Now let's say it's the second reason, maybe because you have decided it's a goal of yours to find a nice girl. Let's assume you know a few girls you'd like for more than just their bodies. Are you a jealous, possessive type? You need to work on that. Insecurity is a creepy item.

That's all the advice I can give really, for I am for the most part in the same boat as you are. Though I am capable of functioning in this world without one, I feel quite alone without someone I can be honest with about my desires.

hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

26 Dec 2006, 6:15 pm

Relationships are overrated. Once you've been in one you really value your time alone.

MagicMike
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 29 May 2005
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 536

27 Dec 2006, 9:27 am

hale_bopp wrote:

Relationships are overrated. Once you've been in one you really value your time alone.

You know, I've been told that a lot, yet not actually having been in one, I really wouldn't know. The problem is that until you've had practical experience dating, you don't really know what you want.

CaptainHowdy36
Butterfly

Joined: 16 Dec 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 17

28 Dec 2006, 6:45 am

aarghapanda wrote:

I often feel like this when I see my NT friends dating, getting married, having children, buying houses together etc. I liked a guy recently who was a bit different to most guys. He doesn't date alot or sleep around, has a good sense of humor and similar interests to me. I decided to give it a shot but he told me that while he 90% thought I was fun and interesting, he 10% completely hates the way I can be socially "insensitive" and inappropriate. One of his friends told me I was going about the whole thing the wrong way and maybe scaring him off. Typical me.

I have always gone for a variety of different people and I'm not shollow at all but I've had no luck yet. I tend to throw it back on myself and think "well, I think I'm attractive, intellegent, fun etc so there must be something else seriously wrong with me if noone wants to be with me". Deep down I know it's ok and maybe one day I'll find someone who can tolerate me but I tend to let the rejections and lonliness pile up and make me feel depressed. I hope things improve in this sense for all of us.

Page 2 of 3 [ 38 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3 Next

Jump to:

I need a girlfriend and it's killing me! Post Reply New Topic

I need a girlfriend and it's killing me!