MIAspieGF wrote:
My experience has shown me that platonic male-female relationships are very rarely successful (as far as remaining completely platonic on both sides), and it has proven to be true even with her. She has had a few male friends stop speaking to her when she became not-single; they confessed their feelings for her, and were even quite rude to her and shut her out. What I need to realize is that not every man is like this, not every man is after one thing.
I've seen this too -
I think platonic male/female friendships become possible only at a certain level of emotional maturity-- of course depending on the individual. I've seen both sides of the coin. I have friends who are female. I let them know that I take relationships very seriously. That means yes, we can hang out still, but almost exclusively in social settings with my significant other - I will only "hang out" on an individual basis if my partner knows and trusts the person on a personal basis. It's all about respecting the boundaries of your partner.
A lot of girls don't realize how the dynamic changes in a relationship, so many of them keep on talking to and texting guys, riding around with male "friends," going to parties, etc - expecting you to just deal with it all or be labelled "insecure." Even when you're not doing anything remotely similar. That's because these types of girls are naive, immature, they haven't experienced WHY they need to respect boundaries. No human relationship is 100% trusting right off the bat - like love, it takes time, because the two are connected. It takes experience built together, familiarity with the subtleties of each other's personality. The reality is indeed that many guys don't care whether a girl is involved with someone or not - they pursue her nonetheless. If the girl likes that sort of attention, and doesn't become annoyed by guys flattering/hitting on her once she's in a relationship -- then that's a red flag -- for trust and for emotional maturity. (That's also the part that bit me hard earlier in life.)
It's all about knowing what healthy and responsible relationships look like. So many people these days just don't seem to get it - seemingly incapable of even basic empathic thought processes. Meaningful relationships take communication, take effort, take empathy and understanding. It's something you work on, develop through time.
11 Dec 2012, 1:33 pm
