This is why we have to stop being shy little wimps

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Ever think about writing a note and giving it to a girl? I've never gotten a date doing it, but it does do one thing. It's a step closer than you are now, and if you keep doing it, you'll get a little more comfortable approaching them. I've handed out more notes than I can count. The point isn't to get a date with one (although it was for me, but didn't work, and you never know, it might), but to get you to become more comfortable approaching. Pick some girl you probably won't see again at first. Write up some generic note. It doesn't have to have her name on it. Make it cute, sappy, whatever you want that's you. Write a bunch of them and hand them out to random girls. See what happens.

The more you do it, the more you'll get used to it. There's no risk because you're not expecting any of them to respond anyway. The biggest risk is if one does and you don't have a clue what to do about it. If you're lucky, she'll take the lead. It happens.

Nah my views are from real world experiences and not just my experiences but the experiences of many of my other friends female and male alike.

You seem to think that one can not be shy and ask someone out or that being shy is not an attractive quality for some people.

you should learn to cultivate the difference between "shy" and "soft-spoken." they are the same things, but not really. yes, there are those who think shyness = weakness. but forget about them. you can say powerful things, but you don't have to use a loud voice to do so. same thing with the opposite sex. if they can get to know you, they'll see the other person on the other side of it.

i know it is difficult.... extremely difficult. but it gets better with time.

Might be because I grew up in an area with no less than six large colleges (the biggest was around 10,000 students). I'd ask them out anyway, but shyness sure as heck was viewed by pretty much everyone as weakness. I was so obvious it was ridiculous. Culture has a lot to do with it and there are a lot of subcultures in the U.S. Where I come from, shyness didn't get you anywhere. It wasn't just the women either. Competition was fierce. I doubt it's changed much. I never said if you were shy you couldn't ask someone out. I did all the time, but it never did much good around there.

I did far better meeting women through friends or at work. Got to know them first without all the anxieties of approaching etc. Wherever you are is Shangri-la in comparison must be.

Culture is a big part of any attraction yes.
And I was a very shy person and thought it was holding me back. But eventualy I found out that my shyness was something women found very attractive about me(it made them curious about me). and the only thing that was holding me back was the very thought that there was something holding me back.

It is true I'm far from as shy as I used to be but I've met plenty of people who are just as shy as I was and have manage to actualy attract people who found their shyness attractive.

As have I, but most of them have been women I now keep my distance from. The type that wants to draw a man out and make something of him. Not good long term relationship material.

I've found that overcoming the shyness itself has produced much better results all around. Alone or in a relationship, I'm a heck of a lot happier.

I don't get why we're talking about shyness as if it's some fixed, immovable state of being. The shy people I know, including myself, are capable of bursts of non-shy-ness. A lot of them have circumstances under which they will be less shy.

For example, I tend to be very, very shy and quiet. But I have bursts of boldness. There are circumstances under which I can be talkative and sometimes even socially dominant. I am very shy, to the point that the word "quiet" was mentioned 8 times on one of my school reports, but I have still asked guys out and expressed interest. I can do stand up comedy in front of hundreds of people. When I'm with friends, I'm still quiet but a lot more talkative than I am by myself. With some friends, I can be completely loud and raunchy. Some days I'm in a more outgoing mood than others.

I'm still shy by default-I feel awkward about talking to new people, and it takes me a while to get to know people. I can still do most of the same things as an outgoing person. As a shy person, my level of shyness isn't fixed or absolute-it varies.

So if shyness is an issue for you, try finding out what helps you be more outgoing and do that. Just because you're shy doesn't mean you're equally shy in every situation, in every group, or with every other person.

If thats too much you could always ask someone to see each other outside where you normally meet making clear it isnt a date
(bonus points: gender doesnt really matter for this one so its a little easier)
After a while of doing this and getting better at it you should be confident to ask someone out

I disagree with these approaches to approach anxiety. Usually because they involve getting used to a situation that you dont really care about and are talking for the sake of talking then throwing you in one you do care about. Its like looking at an airport long enough then trying to fly a plane. Chances are if you dont know how to fly a plane looking at an airport isnt going to do much help

May I ask which approaches to anxiety do you adhere to?

And if you never even go to an airport?

Even if you don't have fear, it still starts with small steps. Putting yourself in the environment first is logical. Small slightly risk free steps help with the fear.

Jumping straight into a tank full of tarantulas to get over arachnophobia does not work for everyone.

Shyness may very well be a guard. This guard disables you from showing people who you really are. This causes many missed feelings and a sense of a natural connection with others. Drop the guard and people won't have to feel that a connection with you is forced.

I am not sure I agree with the note idea.I have tried it myself and for me personally all it did was create a tremendous amount of anxiety whenever I had to encounter the individual.Although,I think you mean to actually hand a girl a note,which is a different thing.Unless you are prepared to deal with the consequences, emotionally I wouldn't give a woman a note.

I think trying to meet women through work or friends is the best way to go.Going that route is one way a shy person can hide their weaknesses.A weakness is only a weakness if you allow it to be.I don't have the social skills to meet a woman in a bar so why even attempt to do something that is an impossiblity to me .

ok so i went to costco today with my dad as usual..and there she was. She was working today! Apparently she took a month off for school? I dont get it but she said hi and seemed happy to see me. Of course I didnt ask her out lol. To be honest she is always busy anyway so my only option would be a note and yeah i feel really embarrassed giving a girl a note. I would say something dumb like here take this lol.

Also im probably wrong about any girls liking me im sure they all are just passing the time at work...i doubt any girl will ever like me. My dad is even puzzled as to whether they like me and he's very NT.

for the record im referring to the girl in the original post.

I don't consider myself shy, not traditionally speaking anyway, I just need to have something relevant to talk about. I could see a woman I'm attracted to, but since I don't know anything about her, I can't really talk to her about anything. After an initial greeting, I'm at a complete loss.