My OK Cupid Profile- lots of women look, but do not messege

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Thank you, hyperlexian. I totally remember you from a year ago when I was on here. I thought that perhaps honesty was the best policy so I included the ex's part in the "most private thing you are willing to admit"- but I can see that you all unanimously agree it shouldn't be there- I took it off. I do have pictures of myself with 1/10 of my ex in the sides of some of my pictures- I didnt think it was a problem as long as her face isnt there, which it isnt. I'll cut out as much as I can tomorrow and re-upload them. thanks for clearing that up.

I actually am exactly what I described on my profile. My pictures do indicate how I live my life for the most part. I suppose my internal mode of being does not look like how people actually might see me (the pics). I actually only have two pictures at some kind of social gathering- the rest are from road trips, internship friends, my friends, or of myself. I don't think it gives me a party vibe at all-if anything it shows that I'm social and have friends of both sexes- that is what I'm trying to put forth anyway. My lifes been mostly working 40 hours, going to the bar/parties, reading/writing, short trips- I will see to it that i can get some more pics. My friends (as well as myself ) are not the type of people to carry around a camera to document things we do so it may be hard to be authentic.

I did assume that if someone visited my profile three times they at least find me attractive- its actually more my fault because I look back at theirs and make really hard judgements based off sentences like, "I am a raver. I try to go out dancing every time I have an opportunity with my friends!" or "I'm very athiest and believe strongly in science and self determination. no spirtual mumbo jumbo needed! I had it shoved down my throat by my parents ..." and i decide not to messege a lot of them. I will messege more of the people who visit my profile. I don't get many responses back from the women I messege first.

the weird part is that straight guys sometimes visit my profile too-from places like Canada or Mexico. i dont get it.
Sometimes some tall blonde girls from Estonia, Poland and Germany find my profile too-which is surprising.

Last edited by tangomike on 08 Jan 2013, 11:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

yeah thats more common sense than actual knowledge. Who would respond to "hey your a cutie!" ... I wouldnt. I write my first messeges about whatever I find interesting about the person in question- be it sharing the same interest and my opinion/asking her stance on something, or prodding fun (non dickish way) at something funny they wrote.

You'd think. But in real life or online, most women want to be chased to some degree. And social stigma (eww) dictates the man makes the move. Also from how I understand it, plenty of girls seem to think it makes them look/feel "desperate" to go after guys, which I guess makes sense in some twisted way when they have a steady stream of typical males playing the "fire from the hip" game of quantity vs quality (ie: hit on all of them, and atleast one or a few might buy it).

Personally, I dig a girl that's willing to go after what she wants... But also I've found too many times the ones willing to take the initiative are bad news -- Looking for a weak dude, one with an open wallet, someone to walk all over, etc etc. All the wrong intentions.

One thing's for sure... It's quite illogical.

Such is dating I guess... But what do I know, I've never had much luck with it

When I first put a pic on my okcupid profile i'd log in and 60 or so ppl had looked at my profile (over a few days).
And only like 4 messages. I know how u feel it's kind of disheartening.

This one guy that I liked, had looked, but not messaged, so I actually messaged him and was like 'oh so i guess you went to my profile and were all like meh'.
He did reply, but only to say that he's kinda seeing someone right now. Which is nice i guess

THIS.

The thing you gotta understand is that the vast majority of women want to be pursued, if they like the guy or even think they might one day like the guy. Sometimes, if you're a bit distant or aloof and a woman reads that properly, she will try to orbit past you in order to get your attention and induce you into pursuing her.

The online dating version of this is often viewing your profile and seeing if she can get you to message her first.

I'm pretty good at online dating. What I like to do is take an initial brush past her profile and favorite her. This ends up kicking out notifications. Then I'll come back a day or two when I see she's not online and I'll message her. Then you see what comes out in the wash if/when she responds.

This thread is full of broad brushing!

I've received messages from girls, and I've sent messages to girls!

It really depends on the person, but if you look at their profile (no matter if they've looked at yours or not) and YOU'RE interested then send them a message! If they're not interested, they're either going to send you a response telling you they're not interested or they won't send you anything at all.

Expect dating sites to feel a bit more shallow than real life because at the end of the day there is always the chance for no response at all (whereas in real life you'd generally get a "no thanks" as a polite courtesy.)

There you go, applying logic to dating! LOL!

lol expect it to get lost in 2-3 pages of pyramid quotes and the broad brushing to go full circle again.
Vitamin-K, sound logic.

Mods

Please delete this thread. Thank you- OP.

i hope they don't, I was reading this thread and getting lots of interesting info... I am just a little too old to find online dating sites feel normal, so I avoid them, even though at this point thats irrational... and I've met a few really awesome girls irl, so I'm always blaming myself for being single and not looking at it like a societal thing... anyways this thread and a few of the other ones are making me feel better about online dating

because they don't have time to send a message. They view profiles as a social activity with their friends. You will often see 4 girls sitting at a table in pannara giggling over a smartphone with okcupid loaded up. They are just doing the quick-match, they giggle and "ship" each other with the guy, give a rating and move on. The other side of the coin is that they may not be comfortable sending the first message. Girl's aren't generally expected to ask a guy out and when they do it can be an uncomfortable experience. When a guy asks out the girl the girl has the power in the relationship but with the stereotypes about what a guy wants on the first date for a girl to give him the power is risky and might send the wrong message.

(incase you missed the subtext, the stereotype is that the guy only wants sex)

Tango that's not how forums work. This may have been your question but the conversation is useful to anyone who might come across it.

i don't really get alot of visitors except for women who look at my profile after i look at theirs.

I use to send out messages that were decenty long and well though out that asked questions about stuff on their profile and shared stuff that related. I thought that it would show that i read their profile but once I sent out a bunch of those and get rejected alot i stopped cause its waste of time. I also hide any woman who is a red "replies selectively" as they never reply so why bother i get the feeling its they feel they better then 90% of the guys on the site. Most want a guy with nice car, great paying job, and house another way of putting this is "has your life together" doesn't help that i'm also urgly which is why i have very few pictures went to just one then a girl asked for more again but might just remove them all

Gender roles are huge on those kinds of sites, mind you I'm not complaining, just stating facts - women don't have to do anything. They don't even need to make a profile with more then 3 sentences, they get plenty of messages and they mostly know most of their messages are influenced by their pictures. They all know it, women are in full control on those sites, it's up to men to do all the work. If you're hoping to get anywhere, you have to be both aggresive and make yourself seem both interesting and not in it for the wrong reasons.

I'm not saying this is true for everyone, we all have different intentions from the site, you just have to swallow your pride when using it for the most part (both genders.)

lemme offer you a little tip from my own little experimentation:

if you find a gal who puts her first name in her actual username, and she also puts the city she lives in, do a search for her on Facebook; message her on the site that you'd like to chat more on Facebook if she's interested in you.

I recommend this because according to some coworkers of mine, people will lie their asses off on these dating websites, but..not so much on Facebook; so on Facebook you can see more of who they really are, and decide if it's for you or not.

I did manage to have ONE gal I sent a friend request to on FB that I found on Zoosk to add me and....yeah, she's not for me.

But I still had it happen, which is awesome.

Also gals hit me up all the time on my profiles...just...not the ones I want

Great Idea and not creepy stalkerish at all........

I'm sure she'll be impressed to discover that some stranger on the internet has gleaned her full identity (and by extension possibly even her home address and phone number) through a supposedly anomous dating site. Clearly she'll see you as safe and trustworthy. Boundry issues are a real panty dropper.........