Why are some aspies so obsessed with finding another aspie?

Post Reply New Topic

I'd have to imagine that an AS/NT relationship would be something like people who don't speak the same language trying to be together. It's theoreticly possible but damned difficult, and won't work if both parties aren't fully invested and willing to work VERY hard at it.

Well, its also true that male and female is already speaking 2 different languages much of the time when it comes down to it. More important than aspie or NT though I think are personality traits and preferences, that is if your on the milder side of the spectrum. For people profoundly effected yeah, AS/AS dating is probably a better idea.

We are obsessed with dating other people with AS because we think we can communicate and understand each other better.

Let me clarify something i've been thinking- any relationship with any person is like speaking a different language and trying to communicate. men and women are both too broad and are both on different levels (regardless NT or AS) but we still make it work. Just because you are a male or female and have a bad experience with the opposite sex doesn't perhaps make you want to stop dating that particular sex right? so i wouldn't think an AS/NT pairing would be so bad afterall...

esentially, i think it all depends on where both partners in the relationship want to get out of the pairing... for that aspie man i had a crush on i would've literally gone to the ends of the earth to accomodate any feelings he might've went through...maybe its just me but when i'm in a relationship with someone, rarely am i in it just to "mess around".... i think it really does depend on what level each individual is on when they start the relationship and where they both desire it heading, NT and AS aside...

Just my two cents also!

PS: I might be latina but does that mean that i'll have a better chance of understanding a latino man? not so much! I think the differences and the eccentricities make the relationship so much more interesting and gives it longevity...

Hey caramel, something I'd just like to get your perspective on. Maybe its just the younger to mid 20's age range I'm looking at but I notice that mutual autonomy is something people generally don't seem too keen on. Its like for me I really just want a relationship where she and I add to each others lives, actually strengthen each other as individuals rather than corroding each other's identity, and have it be one of those things where we can really enjoy each other's company as if we were great friends in addition to the rest. I'm trying to figure out though if that view on things is too emotionally male oriented and unrealistic or if there are a lot of women out there looking for that kind of thing. Any thoughts?

Hahaha.

You wouldn't happen to be a /b/tard, would you?

I myself have never met a female Aspie as of yet, so I'm not sure if a relationship would work better than a NT relationship.

I had a relationship with an NT late last year, she was a very sarcastic person who loved to give people s**t and tease them, I don't know why, but she really liked me and thought I was funny. I began to grow tired of her because she was such a sarcastic person, so In the end I decided to call it quits because I just didn't like her anymore.

This wasn't really because she was an NT, she just wasn't a very nice person.

I'm 21 and i honestly, i just want someone to begin settling down with... i had my first relationship so late in my teens (i has always wanted a relationship but i always wanted a deep connection... i wasn't ever very attracted to men you just "have fun with")... with someone that could be typified as an "ideal" man- one who generally looks good, uses you and abuses you and throws you away...he wasn't honest or truthful at all and i was giving him everything a woman could give to a man with no return but a whole lot of broken promises...

i want a relationship where theres undying honesty...where he also adds to my life and opens my mind and heart up in ways that i've never thought possible, that has a profound love for the way i look and can only just wait until we both get old and wrinkly together and find more ways to love me as i am, that never shuts me out of his mind or heart and at least if he has difficulty relating will at least let me share his feelings with him, i would love to have a deep companionship with my partner that is more than just love but a deeply otherwordly bond....

I don't think that view is too emotionally male oriented or unrealistic... i think its quite beautiful.... but, if i could be honest, i think when it comes to women your viewpoint is better equated with age....i doubt you'll find many under 30 women (perhaps even under 35 women) that feel that way.. i think a lot of women say that they think and feel that way when they are younger but a lot of times as women age, their mentality towards a stronger connecting relationship ages too and they begin to crave deeper bonds...

i don't think there are too many women who feel the way i do out there today... i don't know how or why but i'd take complex love over a friendly screw-over any day...

caramel, Can I ask if you were a shy person or are, quiet most of the time?

honestly? no.... lol not at all! im actually quite loud most of the time- in high school i really was- - but i surmise that that might've been because i was trying to make up for insecurities ... i tend to be shy around people i don't know at time and even a bit apprehensive (lol sometimes i even hold said apprehensions indefinitely... or until i'm proven wrong which is almost never (chalk that up to being a good judge of character! ))

now a days i'm a bit louder than i was in high school (i think that has to do with me realizing that if i didn't pull myself out of my shell more, no one would accept me) and i replace shyness with a smile and laughing at everything and its gotten me pretty far... i'm sure i said more than you wanted to know lol but the long and short of it all is that i've always been shy- yes and as for quiet not so much anymore but i do have my moments where i wake up and don't want anyone around me and just want to be quiet and contemplative...so probably not most of the time...

I'm thinking it's because they've had a pretty bad experience with NT's. Maybe the NT's they were around didn't understand or felt akward/offended/freaked out/etc. by their AS quirks. Speaking from expereince, it was my inept social abilities at the time that got me either dumped or picked on. Perhaps if they were to find an Aspie, they'd feel like they were on a more equal terms in understanding one another.

Speaking for myself, even though I do plan on dating again this year, it's more to try to make more friends of the opposite sex. I'm not looking for a relationship, marriage, love, etc., whether it's with a NT or Aspie. If it happens, it happens, but I don't expect it to. My only requirement/term is pretty high. While it is compromisable, it's one the other partner wouldn't agree to, most likely. Ah well.

I am surprised that this has not come up yet, but maybe it's because many of us do what we want to do in terms of lifestyle, rather than what "NT society" expects us to do.

Tim

In other words, its because we tend to have a sense of individuality in us.

Tim

Personally, I'd rather not be in a relationship with another person with Asperger's. All the people with Asperger's Syndrome that I've met so far have driven me up the bloody wall before long. I don't quite know why this is the case to be honest but we're all different here after all.

I'd rather live a life of freedom, than be tied down in a relationship with anyone, AS or NT. I have too many quirks. I'm better off, alone. That way, I won't have to change anything for anybody.

I also like the idea of freedom too and not being tied in a relationship, but loneliness don’t allow for me to stop searching. The requirements I want from a relationship is: she makes my void disappear and she understands me and doesn’t see me as someone who I am not. Other then that, I am quite self sufficient.

Same here.

Tim