Mentioning AS / HFA to significant other - did / would you?

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I've only recently discovered that my behaviours fit the spectrum.
I told my partner of 18 years, and his response - "Yeah sounds about right. Want another cuppa?"

Whenever I mentioned my AS I got dumped shortly after but when I didnt mention it I didnt get dumped but when I told them later in the relationship I did get dumped!

You haven't found the right person

Yeah, at least in the scenarios where I got dumped later for not telling them right away I got laid so it wasnt a total loss, it just sucks that they didnt want to get serious with an aspie!

I made it clear from day one that I have AS, in any relationship. My most recent one I did, and her response? "And just to let you know, I am not afraid to have an autistic boyfriend. I am proud of you for being such a proud autistic, you give me such happiness."

The relationship lasted another month and a half. Her parents and younger sister were half the reason it collapsed. And it didn't help that they thought I was a creep, something I should have kept in check.

My take is, if I'm not good enough for you to get serious with me, then you are not worth getting laid by me.

So if you tell someone you have ASD and they run, then good! They don't deserve you. I don't have an issue with someone saying they don't want to be with and autistic person. It's too much to deal with for some. But to get involved with someone and then say oh wait you're autistic? oh no I can't deal with that. And have that be the only reason, and after they've slept with you?

^^^ Yeah life sucks that way once they find out they don't look past my disorder no matter how highly functioning passionate and dedicated I can be!

That's why I say TELL THEM!! You want someone that accepts all of you. If they don't, there's no need to go any further. Let's save time and effort!!

but then the problem is they use it against you, make you doubt yourself because now you don't know if you are right and if they are wrong. Everything is now up in the air, they can write the rules as they feel like. I think when they feel, I saw nothing wrong, they see everything as wrong. They always doubt me and never trust me or think I'm capable of taking care of my self.

Not necessarily. I'd say not telling people is not dishonest, from an empathetic standpoint. Since the label carries certain connotations in the popular mind that are inaccurate, then not using the label to describe yourself is not actually deception. Calling yourself aspie actually is a form of dishonesty because, in doing so, you are telling the average person you have multiple traits that you likely don't have.

Of course, I'd rather tell them for other reasons. I need someone compassionate and understanding and not so needy and selfish (most women I've encountered). I can't handle high maintenance, so this is a good way to screen them out.

Usually NT women have a feeling they have to put up with guys like this when dating an aspie! [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqHQPUE42_w[/youtube]And well? she may be right!

I think in the instance where one keeps getting dumped once the ASD is revealed, then the upfront approach seems appropriate. Or just keep waiting for that accepting person. I wasn't told until later and I didn't bolt.