I can't approach girls, I can't flirt with them

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Buckle up, grit your teeth, work hard and try to keep a positive mindset, that's all any of us can do. Life isn't fair and that is a real consequence you have to face but putting in work and getting something in return can be rewarding, that's why I suggest you focus on your aspirations to grow as a person.

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I don't feel like dealing with the quote thingies so I'll just reply with a chunk of text :p

Firstly, I'm one of those types who desperately wants someone. I'm pretty happy with myself when I'm on my own. To tell you the truth, I think relationships and kids and wives and families are a hassle I'm very reluctant to go into, I'm not sure I want those. I don't actively go out and look for girls. Problems arise when I come a across a girl I like. I'm attracted to very few girls so when I like one, I like her a lot. But, I'm unable to get her and that makes me uneasy. You can see I stated in the OP that I'm happy when I see she has a bf so I don't have to think about her anymore.

You have a job and you've managed to intrigue a girl with your work, I can't do that. I also don't play music. I feel I myself in my own company is a type of person which is at peace. But when a girl attracts my attention, that peace is destroyed. I don't look for people's eyes to look at but I do have to actually look at a girl's face to see how she looks like and flirting is based on watching people's faces, isn't it? I can't stand eye contact. As for relationship activities, I feel I would have to take the lead. If I'm not entertaining enough, she'll leave me, right? I'm happy with myself, but when a girl disturbs my peace, then I get frustrated. To tell you the truth, I would gladly give up on the whole thing, but I feel stigmatized because I've never had a gf, people put so much emphasis on this.



@yamato_rena

Sorry if I was rude, but I'm not from the USA. Girls here don't play video games, I've never heard of any, never met any. Those who like sports like volleyball or some other sport I don't care about.

@deltafunction

Flirting and communication are excruciatingly painful to me. If I try to flirt for a couple of minutes, I start to feel drain and I just want to sink into the ground. As for jobs, because I'm afraid of other people and I feel incompetent, I don't dare even to look for one. I'm too scared to even make a phonecall to set up an interview. I have a block in my head that doesn't allow me to mend these things, I feel.

You need to man up and start talking to girls and calling people otherwise they are going to think you are a coward. Show them that you are a man in control, stop caring about the approval of others and do what you want.

I kind of feel similarly. I do other things, but I wouldn't say I'm that good at them.

Do you have NLD and AS? I think, for me, part of the feeling of having little to offer stems from basically not having a right brain as part of having NLD on the severe side. So basically, I'm just a thin veneer of apparent intelligence who can't do anything. It's hard to have geek hobbies, or any hobbies for that matter, aside from reading, when you have no visual-spatial skills.

No worries. You weren't rude at all. I just don't want you to try to give up the search because you think there aren't any girls out there like you, when there are. Just out of curiosity, which country are you from?

I'm from Croatia. Girls that are similar to me are basically non existent here

Last edited by TommyGun991 on 22 Mar 2013, 10:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

Ah, okay, I can't speak to that country's culture, so I'll leave that be. A few others, and I'd still say you're probably not looking in the right places, since video game geekiness is hardly a US-only thing.

Out of 70 students in my college classes, 60 are women. None of them play video games. Once a professor asked people what are they doing in their spare time. I said I play video games and the whole class started laughing.

Ah, okay, point taken.

Talking to women for me is easy, getting them to date me is whole another issues.
I have no common interest with women either, but I really not good at giving advice.
I just go up to them and talk to them and since I've been talking to more range of women
(beside 19-20 year old gym employess) I have gotten a more postive results.

don't think about it. Don't worry if a girl likes you or not. When I talk to girls,
I never think ''well, will she like me or not'' if you can use humor, I use humor alot.
or say very stupid jokes, that alot of times girls find funny. which I have no idea,
why they do. But there are going to be girls who do no want to talk to you, and that's
fine but don't let them get to you, if they don't like you, then go for another girl
who may like you. don't worry about it, just go out there and do your best and
talk to them ladies.

That was me at 18...

I'm trying to get out of that damn phase. I don't point the finger at anyone but me for the things i do when it comes to dating. I've only had one relationship, and it was a relatively long one of 2 years (considering it was a high school one). I don't try at all to get women by pity, because that's the worst way possible and it won't attract the right people. I don't go around complaining all the damn time, I'm trying to find ways and I need the help to get my feet off the ground. I could try to find someone, but the fact of the matter is that I'm too chickenshit to even try by myself.

All these suggestions of GOING TO SUPPORT GROUPS aren't an option in Western NY, BECAUSE THERE ARE NONE (I've searched). I hesitate so damn much for no reason but the fact that my mind doesn't want to start to build up the goddamn confidence to do so. It's me, my fault, I'm the reason.

I have to look toward my peers, and they may not give me the advice that is 100% successful, but at least I'll take it with a grain of salt and consider it. Hence the video.

Get out of Western NY. Rural areas suck generally. It's not just you who has a terrible life in areas like that.

You may have a sensory processing disorder along with ASD. Therefore, it's not your fault for being afraid to approach women. Processing issues cause a lot of anxiety, so even if you were to take some of the empathy-less advice on this thread and force yourself to do things, you might, if you have sensory-related anxiety, behave in such a way to cause yourself to be rejected, making your problems worse. You have to ease your way in slowly. It may get better as you get older. I didn't even try at all when I was your age. I only became somewhat able to talk to women when I was 22, and then I've had a fair amount of success at least getting laid since then.

I never wanted people to know that I was a guy who couldn't get a girlfriend, so I pretended not to try. Looking back, this is actually a great strategy. when you pretend like you don't care and aren't interested in women, women will go for you hard. This is why gay guys get hit on and even sexually assaulted by women (true story). It is a very weird thing about human psychology to prefer those who seem unavailable.

What do you talk to them about? Do you just start shouting words their way at the line in the cafeteria? I need concrete stuff, when people say I just go and talk to them, I need to know what specifically you are saying :p



Peers have been useless to me. It all comes so naturally to them that they can't explain anything. They're doing it automatically while I lack that automation process so they can't really even put that process in words since it's so natural and innate to them

My friend, start with talking to girls on the net and building your confidence from there as someone else suggested. This is what I did in my teens. Granted, it will not prevent you from making mistakes but we all make mistakes so don't fret if the first few dates, a couple of relationships or convos don't work out as you plan.

It's better to be in a position where you want to talk to girls but can't and build on it, than be in a position where you can talk to girls but say all the wrong things.