When people ask me if I 'already have a boyfriend'.

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danmac
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21 Mar 2013, 12:50 pm

I just tell them I don't believe in relationships, ends that conversation in it's tracks!
nt's do think everyone wants a relationship, so it is seems weird to them not be in one, if you have good looks. I'm sure the elephant man never got asked that!


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Kinme
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21 Mar 2013, 12:58 pm

I think it's because that's what a lot of other women are concerned about, and it keeps small-talk going. People are definitely nosey and like to spread gossip around. That's just how it is, unfortunately.



nick007
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21 Mar 2013, 12:59 pm

At least people think you are capable of having a boyfriend. If some guys ask they could be cumming on to you & others who ask could be trying to broach the subject about setting you up with someone. When I was single which was all my life except till a year ago & two 6month periods & I'm 30 now no one who knew me or met me for abit ever asked me if I had a girlfriend because it was extremely obvious that I was going to have problems in the relationship department due to to my Aspieness & other issues. Some older women & a couple guys I knew from my work made comments to me about how they wish they could get their daughter or granddaughter to let them be set up with me instead of jerks they went for The only time a girl ever asked me if I had a girlfriend was when I was getting my hair cut at MasterCuts & before she asked that I overheard her talking to the other stylist there about how she needed to find another boyfriend & she had recently broken up. That was 2 weeks before my 2nd girlfriend broke up with me :( :x


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danmac
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21 Mar 2013, 1:03 pm

Kinme wrote:
I think it's because that's what a lot of other women are concerned about, and it keeps small-talk going. People are definitely nosey and like to spread gossip around. That's just how it is, unfortunately.


bingo!


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Kaufmancab51
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21 Mar 2013, 1:22 pm

flip the genders and i kinda get the same thing. Probably why I have all this bs stress now...

Maybe i should look into the cougar dating field...


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uwmonkdm
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21 Mar 2013, 1:29 pm

Old people say everyone looks good.



danmac
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21 Mar 2013, 1:35 pm

uwmonkdm wrote:
Old people say everyone looks good.


when you get old you will know why. I'm at the point now that 21 is too young, mostly, I know a few that I could see myself with(one with my NLD!) but I do think there cute. when I was younger I was more judgmental, but as for looks over personality, not anymore.


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aspiesandra27
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21 Mar 2013, 1:40 pm

danmac wrote:
uwmonkdm wrote:
Old people say everyone looks good.


when you get old you will know why. I'm at the point now that 21 is too young, mostly, I know a few that I could see myself with(one with my NLD!) but I do think there cute. when I was younger I was more judgmental, but as for looks over personality, not anymore.


Nah, I don't think everyone looks good. I prefer a good vintage wine anytime. :wink:



hartzofspace
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21 Mar 2013, 4:14 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
Jep. And that is not neccesarily something I want to solve, since I can't stop people asking. I just wanted to see if other aspies also get this question a lot, and what they think of it.

Well, before I got married, I got this ALOT. It was so freaking annoying! I had been involved with an abusive man and then stayed single a long time because I was afraid to try again, along with being such a social clutz that I didn't know how to date. I had people ask prying questions, and even though I had a daughter from that one relationship, they would act as though they thought I might be gay. I was fairly attractive when younger, and NTs thought this meant that I should just be swimming in dates. :roll: And it didn't make sense for them to assume I was gay, because while they didn't see me with men, they never saw me with another woman either. I understand your frustration at the prying questions though. They are extremely annoying. :x

A good come back for that? Ask the inquiring person did they have someone in mind for you to date? :twisted:


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Cafeaulait
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21 Mar 2013, 5:13 pm

Oh haha yeah that's a good one. Although they might think I am desperate...
Usually I bounce the ball back at them by asking them what's up with their lovelife.



nick007
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21 Mar 2013, 5:21 pm

hartzofspace wrote:
I had people ask prying questions, and even though I had a daughter from that one relationship, they would act as though they thought I might be gay. I was fairly attractive when younger, and NTs thought this meant that I should just be swimming in dates. :roll: And it didn't make sense for them to assume I was gay, because while they didn't see me with men, they never saw me with another woman either.

Some thought I was gay too because my personality is kind of the opposite of the stereotypical guy type even thou I never gave any indication that I ever had a boyfriend or liked a guy or anything like that.


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ShamelessGit
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21 Mar 2013, 5:51 pm

Why were you in France? And where do you normally live? I don't think even socially skilled people are always able to find a boyfriend/girlfriend after only one month, btw. I don't think your neighbors expectation was very fair.



nick007
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21 Mar 2013, 5:57 pm

ShamelessGit wrote:
Why were you in France? And where do you normally live? I don't think even socially skilled people are always able to find a boyfriend/girlfriend after only one month, btw. I don't think your neighbors expectation was very fair.
Thought she went to France because she was in a long distance relationship or thought she met a guy there :?


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uwmonkdm
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21 Mar 2013, 10:58 pm

aspiesandra27 wrote:
danmac wrote:
uwmonkdm wrote:
Old people say everyone looks good.


when you get old you will know why. I'm at the point now that 21 is too young, mostly, I know a few that I could see myself with(one with my NLD!) but I do think there cute. when I was younger I was more judgmental, but as for looks over personality, not anymore.


Nah, I don't think everyone looks good. I prefer a good vintage wine anytime. :wink:


I meant like, people old enough to be grandparents.. like the 50 year old in OP's post.



ShelbyGt500
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21 Mar 2013, 11:35 pm

uwmonkdm wrote:
aspiesandra27 wrote:
danmac wrote:
uwmonkdm wrote:
Old people say everyone looks good.


when you get old you will know why. I'm at the point now that 21 is too young, mostly, I know a few that I could see myself with(one with my NLD!) but I do think there cute. when I was younger I was more judgmental, but as for looks over personality, not anymore.


Nah, I don't think everyone looks good. I prefer a good vintage wine anytime. :wink:


I meant like, people old enough to be grandparents.. like the 50 year old in OP's post.


I'm 57, so I can put a bit of perspective on this. However, keep in mind that the gift of autism has left me with a more youthful mind that most of my chronological peers. That said, I have to say that I only find a woman attractive in a physical sense if she's really good-looking. However, I don't find someone who is unattractive or even ugly to be offensive. I think that is the difference. After you've been around a while, someone you like or who is a nice person looks good. It's one of those Association things. Regardless of how their face looks, it is their identifier. And, if that identifies something good, then we are glad to see it. So in that odd sort of way, someone who is not attractive, is good-looking because we are glad to see them. So I think that perspective is based on life experience. And, I suppose you could also call it "an acquired appreciation." Does that make sense?



Last edited by ShelbyGt500 on 21 Mar 2013, 11:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ShelbyGt500
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21 Mar 2013, 11:38 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
My neighbours wouldn't even start a conversation with me if they could help it so I think you are having more social success than me!

Focusing on relationships and children and who's going out with or marrying who is all NTs do - that's just how they are.
I don't think she necessarily meant anything malicious by it

Think yourself lucky she actually wanted to converse with you!



hahahahaha your first line made me laugh. i don't know. perhaps i creeped her out with my 'direct eye gaze' and she wont strike up a conversation with me ever again.


So, does this mean that you have concluded that you have the "direct eye gaze," or are you just kidding? If you actually have it, that's cool!