Dating doesn't make sense to me

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You met a woman interested in billing system code?

I think what you say about different kinds of confidence is true, but it would also take a hell of a lot of luck to meet such a woman - and then you both still need to be attracted to each other.

I am true to myself and I do work on things I want to be better at, for my own sake. However, having cofidence is not the same as being perceived as having it. Quite frankly, I resent the entire system where the male has to "attract" the female, while all the female has to do is say "yes" or "no" - and most won't even plainly say one or the other. Therefore I refuse to "work on" projecting confidence, even if I could.

Sorry it took me so long to reply back.

As far as the whole confidence thing, I feel like it isn't the real deal, or it's just something people say. I don't think women like guys who are "confident," but rather that the guys who are confident with women, it's because they are liked. I'm confident as a writer because I'm talented as a writer. My work gets rejected all the time, but I can brush it off, since I know that it's better than half the garbage that does get published. Yet I also get rejected romantically frequently, and I have to ask myself what's wrong with me or what am I doing wrong?

I also realize I shouldn't "place all my eggs in one basket," but I usually have that concern of, what if there's only one basket? Even, and perhaps especially, on online dating, it's difficult for some reason to find someone who is actually potentially compatible and will also respond. I essentially recently spammed everyone in the area, just to see if any of them would write back, and the only one who did since dinosaur girl was a woman who said she was only interested in men 5'10" or taller, while I'm only 5'7", so her response was, "The thought was nice, but don't bother."

I agree as well that it is a numbers game also. I honestly probably get responses about as much as the average guy or even more often now that I look back on my online dating experiences, but if there are maybe only 25 to 50 single women interested in men online within my age range and traveling distance, then that still doesn't leave many chances, and so far, none of those have even reached meeting in person. Even in person relationships don't seem to get to the point of a romantic realtionship for me, though. Honestly, the first girl I was ever with, it happened almost entirely because of a string of coincidences that brought us together, or else I would probably still have very little experience.

I don't know. Maybe it's just an attractiveness thing. I personally think I look kind of like a cross between Elijah Wood and Pete Doherty, so maybe if I had money and celebrity, I could find someone.

Dating is a confidence and social status game.

The sitcom Two and a half men is really built on this theme. If you want to see good vs. bad confidence, watch this scene. The difference between good and bad confidence is subtle, but extremely significant in dating.

There is a lot more to conversation than the words being said. That is how they are being said.

Ultimately confidence is a matter of thinking that your life is worth more than anything else. This is a turn on for women since it means you will fight more for your life (since you find it so important!). Also, thinking that your life is extremely important indicates that it really is important - that you have something going on for you. Otherwise you probably would not be that convinced about it yourself. It's all survival instincts in the end.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UlADDssU8aM[/youtube]

Last edited by qawer on 02 Apr 2013, 8:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

When you compliment a girl you don't know that much she is likely to think your status is lower than her's.

Result: she will not consider you to be dating material. That's why she stops responding.

Don't be the "sweet guy". You'll be punished for it.

I gave up and quit.

Just wanted to update that I got lonely and started trying again, but I still haven't had any luck, so I'm trying the approach of trying to come across as an over-sexed, arrogant jerk to see if that gets success.

There is lots of BS in online dating. Most everybody is shallow and stupid. OKCupid found that the women rated 80% of male profiles as below average. A lot of women are online because they have ludicrously high standards that no real person could meet, so they try to find the guy online. They often think they are settling if they get with a guy who is better than them in every possible way.

I found a website once where a guy chronicled his online dating experience, and once he created a real profile that described who he was, which was an average-looking, articulate engineer with interesting hobbies, and he made another fake profile where he pulled a picture of a shirtless guy off the internet and didn't put much effort into the profile description. He found that his fake profile got a lot more attention than his real profile. I looked at the real profile and I thought he seemed like an interesting person and a decent human being, and if I had found a woman's profile with those kind of stats I would definitely have messaged her. I had a very similar experience online with a similar profile, probably the biggest difference being that I am still a student, so I don't have a lot of money like he does. Anyway, I'm not going to care what those women think about me if they would rather date a fake person with hot abs than a real person who has his s**t together like that guy did.

I look occasionally at male profiles, and I honestly think that a male profile that is only slightly above average in quality is probably better than 99% of the female profiles I have seen. The women act like pampered princesses who think that the world owes them the world simply for being themselves. Most of them do not have interesting jobs or hobbies, like many of the male profiles do.

It's kinda funny because this whole dating deal seems to work out the opposite way for me. I found this girl who studied in Japan on some online thing and she was interested in me... we yahoo'd for a few weeks and she shared some pics and a video chat... eventually we lost contact because *I* got bored of it, never showed up again... for the simple reason that I'm just unable to socialize with people very long without getting incredibly bored.

Also I have virtually no social circle and I don't feel lonely at all. I'm pretty sure I'm born to be a loner lol.