USING ASPERGER'S SYNDROME SELFISHLY

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There seem to be a large number of members on this site who profess to be asexual or who come across as being anti-sexual. I don't know if that's an AS thing, or if it's just the result of relentless sexual teasing in adolescence. I remember a boy in school who I now know must have been an aspie, who would get horribly picked on and victimized by other kids. I was always nice to him (I guess I identified to a certain extent, though as a girl I had it easier). But anyway, the other kids would take this kind of vicious delight in tormenting him with sexual language, and he would fly into a rage saying it was disgusting, before storming off outside to go talk to the trees. I felt so bad for him, and now I wish I'd been mature enough to tell him, "No, it's not disgusting, really... it's just them who are disgusting and vulgar, and please don't let them put you off such a beautiful part of life." But I never could have said such a thing to anyone.

I can only speak for myself when I say I have asexual tendencies based on my mood. I have an on/off switch in regards to my sex drive that sometimes I'm not in control of. Again, mood plays a huge factor in whether or not I'm feeling heterosexual or asexual.

A lot of my asexual, sometimes anti-sexual tendencies come from the fact that there were several occasions where I found out the woman in the relationship just wanted me for sex, so sometimes my posts can come across as extremely bitter and anti-sexual. Before, I'll admit I was a tad liberal when it came to relationships, love, and sex. However, that's long gone and I'm militantly conservative about relationships, love, and sex now, something I get a lot of flak about. It's not because I'm forcing my beliefs on anyone or saying they're right or wrong. It's because my beliefs aren't the so-called "norm" and people, both NTs and Aspies seem to be Hell-bent on either convincing me that my ways are wrong or trying to convert me to their belief system. That in turn just dredges up and sometimes even intensifies my bitter feelings towards sex and anything sexual.

It's something I still work on, my bitterness, I mean. However, it's safe to say that I'm not gonna work on my beliefs on sex because they don't need to be worked on. We all have choices we need to make in life in regards to what we believe will serve us better in life. Mine just happen to be more extreme and in the minority. However, it's worked for me so far.

Did he ever say he has AS? It seems from your post that you were the one who thought he had it. If this was the case, then it would be impossible for him to use AS to get women. If he uses a quiet personality to attract women, then he simply uses a quiet personality to attract women. Unless he claims it as AS, then he isn't using AS to get women, he's just found a personality type that attracts women.

Also, I would think that it would be impossible to diagnose someone based on another persons description, especially a short paragraph. There are inherent biases attached to anyones description of another person, especially if they have been intimate and are no longer together.

I also have that switch. I go back and forth between asexuality, where the whole idea of sex is irrelevant, and hypersexuality, where I want to jump on anyone I feel attracted to.



Hehe, that's kind of funny because I could write the same thing almost word-for-word but I'm almost the exact opposite -- I went from being extremely conservative to being on the other end of the bell-curve. And I feel just the way you do about it. People can't stand anything that doesn't conform to the social norm, especially when it comes to sex and relationships. If you hold "extreme" views (either liberal or conservative) and dare to be open about it, then you're placed firmly in the "freak" category. Isn't it fun? (sarcasm)

Tons. And what's more fun is when they try desperately at the conversion process, trying to make you believe that they're right and you should follow like the rest of the sheeple.[/Sarcasm]



Most people don't wanna hear that most, if not all personal life decisions are relative and have no real right or wrong to them. Most wanna be right, all the time, even when their facts are really false, their truths are really lies, etc. If it's right to them, and they believe they're right long enough, then they'll hold onto that and try to convert everyone else rather than live and let live. Most conflicts, I think, would be better resolved and preventable if a 'live and let live' approach were taken.

I recently had the pleasure of clarifying my asexuality to a counselor that I'd been seeing for nearly a year. She had always felt that I should be working on goals that included socialization and Romance. I kept telling her that romance wasn't important to me, but she just couldn't let that be. I finally stumbled across the AVEN website, and felt empowered to tell her that this was my orientation, whether she liked it or not. Needless to say, I have found a new counselor.

Agree. I've met too many AS manipulators.

I hate it when people use AS as an excuse to do whatever they want.
I knew this kid who sexually harassed a bunch of girls and also threw a book at a teacher when the teacher wouldn't accept his homework because it was written and not typed.
This kid said he "couldn't help himself because he was autistic."
What a lot of BS.

Yes, we might not be able to help everything that we do but I think we can try to do the right thing and not use Aspergers as an excuse every time.