Why is chivalry good for anyone?

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It’d be a good way to eliminate suitors who are ill at ease doing that or never quite learned all those complex rules.

I don't think I'm really comfortable with the concept of chivalry. This is one area where I have a defect in my innate theory-of-mind. My fist instinct is to assume people are like me, so I can't wrap my head around the idea that someone can actually like being treated in a manner that would be patronizing to me if I were in their shoes. I'm much more comfortable with things being on an equal footing. I don't act/talk down to others and they don't act/talk down to me. Traditional chivalry seems to cross beyond caring and politeness into the territory of being patronizing.

I think it might be okay for lower functioning AS/HFA men to be more chivalrous because they have a more of an air of innocence that makes it more endearing and less insulting. They also might be more comfortable having rules to follow instead of having to improvise their behavior. In general it's complicated. Whether chivalry is appropriate or demeaning really depends on the nature of the people involved and the relationship itself.

"Well the hand kissing would be very intimate and I would assume that it was a first move towards sex. So depending on how I felt about you that could be either good or bad. Wink"

Ann, you are right that kissing a woman's hand is kind of risky for an aspie as it will backfire when not appropriate. I think a good rule of thumb is that if you know a woman well enough to have an affectionate name for her (honey, dear, sweetie, beautiful, etc.), then a kiss on the hand would be appropriate as well. It would be appropriate in romantic situations.

"Door opening . . . I just can't get my head around how this is respectful. Although, I would never be rude to a person who did this; only puzzled. To me, it impedes the progress of getting into the car and getting going. I don't like to linger in parking lots or roadways - too much traffic."

I see your point that opening a car door for a woman as a sign of respect is arbitrary. Then, most cultural customs are. Again, a hypothetical: If we were romantically involved, would you be similarly puzzled if I sent you flowers, particularly after a memorable time together? Or a nice card on your birthday? If you think about it, I'm sure you will agree that both of these cultural customs are arbitrary as well. They are totally arbitrary gestures of affection, appreciation, respect, etc.

It's a bit much to explain here, but these differences are cultural. Because of historical circumstances, Texans and other Southerners have been less accepting of modern liberal values than most other Western groups. BTW, the study of such things is part of my special interest, and I will further explain if you so request. But be careful of what you ask for; I can likely tell you more about such things than you would ever want to know

A friend of mine described me Texas as The US' Middle East (referring how conservative and traditional people there are).
Funny, I imagine Middle Easterns aren't much liked there.

We agree on showing too much affection in public places; I find it very offensive. Nor should anything be done to a woman that is not appreciated. But gentlemanly conduct, such as holding a door open for a woman, or anybody else, hardly constitutes an unduly display of public affection.

I was in college in the early nineties working on my graduate degree. Once when a male friend and I were going into the school building, he held the door open for a woman behind us. She said in a rather snotty, imperious tone something to the effect of, "I hope you're not holding this door because you think I'm a lady". He replied back that no, he was holding the door for her because he's a gentleman. The same goes for me. Chivalry is more a reflection on who the man is than who the woman is.