Help with my Aspie

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You can't change him. For the sake of your innocent child, stay away from him.

What a horrible man. Leave him. You and your child deserve better!
Edit:

If he doesn't know what he's doing wrong, just copy and paste some things from your post and make them into a list. Give them to him for reference in future relationships just before you walk out. Here's a few:

- he choked you

- he hit you

- he swears he can hear another man in the background. (which carries the strong implication that he's accusing you of cheating)

- He always wants me to talk on speaker phone around him. (He doesn't trust you and tries to control you)

- When i go somewhere with family or doing things with my son he tries to make me feel guilty for leaving him out. (He won't even let you have time alone with your family)

- Also a lot of the things he does have been borderline stalking. He will sit outside a house i am at all night till the morning. Once he came from beside the house when i was at my moms and scared the hell out of her. (His behaviour scares you and your family)

- He calls 16+ times in a night even after i have told him i am going to sleep. (He thinks his clinginess is more important than your BIOLOGICAL NEED for sleep)

- I have told him i need a break from the relationship but it falls on deaf ears. (He won't respect your wishes and back off when he's asked to)

- he thinks he does nothing wrong and it's everybody else with a problem. (He's an arrogant dickwad)

- I do get fearful of my life sometimes (And this one just speaks for itself)

Sorry I disagree with most of the responses in here.

diagnosing is not a way to excuse behavior.

I think you need to intervene with him. But unfortunately the police and courts will not understand at all. I think getting them involved would be a mistake.

Honestly I think he should be hospitalized and they need to find out what the problem is.

There is just not enough information here to make a decent assessment or tell you just to call the cops.

Has he actually hit you? because that would mean you could do an intervention with a mental institution. This guy from what you said has some very severe mental issues and jail would not help him at all.

Some people with Aspergers are violent just like NTs. It doesn't have to be comordity with another condition either.

Was this man bullied throughout his life because that would be a precursor to behavior like this especially in certain individuals.

calling this man a horrible person does not help the situation. I am sure he is a good person in some way and I hope that maybe you can try to get him the help he needs.

I just get upset when everyone seems to gang up on somebody when they do not even have the whole clear picture of this man's background. It sounds like he has no idea what he is doing at all. It is sad but he does not need people to call him names. It will only make the situation worse.

Everyone has the capacity to change and should be given a chance to.

Sorry I do not believe that someone is incapable of changing. Anyone can change if they want to.

Sorry I should of put this all under the same post.

Honestly this is an extremely difficult situation.

I guess I am not understanding how this person is behaving. Maybe it is more severe than I thought.

Basically I was just saying that as a world we should look to do what is necessary to help regardless of the outcome. Too many have shut me out before they had any idea that I was actually a good person.

I have never hit anyone in the way this man has but I have wanted to.

Impulses have little to do with if you are a good person or not. It is not good to hit people but who knows maybe the guy grew up this way or was abused or tormented as a child or young adult. This has to do with circumstance. And these have to be considered but many people do not think about it. But again this does not excuse the behavior at all.

I feel bad that this man did these things. I am sorry. Do not think that I am excusing his behavior in any way. Violence is wrong but some people just do not have the capacity to control this thing. I'm sorry it is true

So maybe the only thing you can do is protect yourself from people like this.

It just makes me sad that it had to end for you like this. And I guess I feel guilty because I have had some serious problems with aggression. Luckily I have rarely ever really raised my hand to a person only the door or the wall. Honestly I do this so I won't hit someone. I know what out of control emotiions feel like.

I have a feeling this man has had numerous problems of people abusing him because I have a major history of abuse against me by adults and people my age: I have had sexual, physical, and verbal abuse weighed against me and it has brought me to a place of anger I would not wish on anyone. I honestly suffer from PTSD and I am trying to get help but its hard. All the pain and suffering rendered on me was awful and really tainted my emotions in a horrible twisted way. I became a full blown alcoholic and luckily have been sober for 10 years.

Why is it that people only look to the one causing the problem instead looking for the reason they are the way they are. Monsters are created by other people in many cases. People commit violence later in life based on the fact that violence was given to them. It is just the way society is but until we see it people are going to keep reacting based on how they were treated at some point in their life.

Unfortunately we live in a world where abuse continues to be perpetuated against aspies in general. I had to fight against all these abusers and protect myself from a cold, cruel world that seemed to reject me based on my difference. I will never know why so much pain was brought on me and for what. It is so pathetic that people have to reject the ones that are different. They are the disease and the virus.

Sorry I am ranting I need to stop because I turned this into something else entirely I guess.

you are ABSOLUTELY out of your mind for not moving far far away from him

"I want to break up and just leave it alone but i do care about him."

Speeking from experience on this one.

Some people can not be helped. You're putting yourself in the line of fire hopeing, expecting to change someone for the better. Seriously, you can't change someone else. Only they can change them. And if they don't want to change, there is no way anything you do or say will make them change.

You can only help people who want to be helped.

Get out of that relationship. Go find someone who cares and loves you the way you want to be loved. Not this guy.

What about this....
You help him from a safe distance. The distance is necessary for both you and your little one because of the physical violence involved. You end the relationship UNTIL this is resolved.

This begs the question, though... Can it be resolved at all? And if so, what amount of treatment and time would be required? And there is also the other scary question: Might he simply act "better" to get with you again and then start it up again worse than ever? I've had this happen, so be careful.

As you watch him from a safe distance (yes, severely limit your own personal communication with him. His tears will be too much for you, trust me), you will be able to observe the situation a little more evenly.

The situation sounds pretty dire. My advice would be to run away. If that is impossible for you to do, then run a distance and get intervention and sever contact until a regimen of treatment is under way. If he is unwilling to undergo treatment for the safety of you and your child.... girrrrrl, I'm tellin ya... You're playing with fire.

If you love him, I understand that you will do anything you can to help him. Just remember that there is a limit to what you can safely accomplish yourself, especially with a child involved. You don't need to just "help him." You can also "have him helped."