The main reason why men breakup fast with aspie women.

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What? Speak up!'

as an aspiewomen, ive been told... im to smart for my own good...or.... im not enough of a women to get a man,, or im not pretty enough to date,, etc,, I I have found that once they find out im not into phone calls. that runs most guys off,, I even lost one aspie guy over the phone issue,, I keep myself neat and clean but im not into the fashion and dress stuff that NT women are into.. its not possible for me due to senorsy issues to wear most fashionable cloths so I come across as dull.. with a lot more women then men my age out there ive found out i cant compete for a man.. I find out as soon as the aspie thing comes up its byebye.

Everyone's points are probably valid, but I think for some aspie girls, I think what it boils down to is the old fashioned fact that some aspie girls might be afraid to show romantic emotion (e.g. makeouts, public PDA, etc). NT or aspie guy gets fed up, walks away from the relationship.

Am I being too harsh? Or is my observation a part of the issue that aspie girls face?

I think it depends on the girl. I never had an issue with PDA - but then again I don't much care what people think to start with.

This is definitely a common one.
A lot of times their mothers will think that we will not make a good girlfriend, wife, mother, etc - and either disapprove or interfere on that basis.



Pretty much this.

While men are expected to initiate dating and a relationship - after that has happened, the woman is expected to maintain that relationship. It's something that as aspies, we pretty much suck at - especially in romantic relationships where things are much more delicate and sensitive in nature, being able to read the other person is a necessity simply to communicate, let alone avoid issues and where you cannot afford to make as many or as big mistakes as you would in a friendship. We lack the instinctive rulebook for how to maintain that relationship.

In the past guys have often gotten up at me for the following: not calling enough, not fussing over them, not bringing them gifts, not remembering anniversaries, not cooking for them (or even just not cooking exactly what they want me to cook), not being good at winning over his friends, not being able to hold my own socially at a party, not being good at making him look good in front of others (acquaintances, friends, colleagues, bosses, family, etc), a tendency to either keep everything to myself, not talking enough, talking about our special interests too much, not asking enough questions, being too critical, not being "empathic", ignoring their feelings (can't read them), not comforting when they sulk (usually because I am clueless and confused at what the hell they are doing), not doing their laundry, not doing their dishes, not cleaning, not making contact every day, apparent being selfish (usually when I refuse to quit my special interest forever when they want me to), and apparently being a heartless b*tch (by which they mean I do not show emotions, and especially never emotions about them), never talking about my feelings, not letting them do my interests with me, not letting them meet my friends, not letting them go to my house.... hell the list goes on and on so I will just stop here for now.

^ Honestly, I would ditch a girl if she doesn't show reciprocity like treatment, calling, remembering bdays, ...etc

I do these stuff so I expect at least 20% in return, the minimum, I knew a girl who gives 0.

I did call boo (one, two or three times a week), I just didn't call enough for them (every day or multiple times a day). I would remember their birthday and buy them a present for that - but I wouldn't be able to remember the relationship anniversaries.

The reciprocity was there - it's just that almost all the men I have dated have been very emotionally sensitive and require a lot of closeness in a relationship and came to expect too much or depend on me for things that they shouldn't (like expecting me to clean, do laundry, do dishes and cook all the time - when I don't live there) - and I didn't realise this until I was already in a relationship with them.

Some of the things you say about those men sound like stereotypes about women. Even expecting you to do things for them (ok, not cooking and cleaning necessarily but other stuff). Sounds like these b*****s were high maintenance.

Men have a tendency to feel too comfortable around me. It means that they drop their guard and show who they really are when they wouldn't necessarily with others - and yes, sometimes it means that they are entitled brats or needy and clingy. They tend to be emotionally vulnerable with me when they wouldn't do that with other women (and freely admit that - in fact they don't even know why they do it with me, it even confuses them). Part of it is probably that they sense I am not going to try to manipulate them or play power games - and for some of them, that means they attempt to walk all over me and get their own way, and get pissed off when I do not let them.

My first one never complained about anything, the next of them was just sensitive but a good guy (and he maybe only complained about a few things), another had NPD and was an entitled 7 year old boy living in a mans body, and the last was a guy who was autistic himself but he was insecure had been spoilt and was pretty entitled and liked to blame everything on everyone else. The last two expected me to be their mother and their maid (although the last one wasn't as anywhere near as bad as the third one in that regard).

I still have trouble calling people more than 1-3 times a week. And I refuse to do their household chores constantly if I'm not living there (occasionally not a problem, but not all the time). I still refuse to quit my special interests for anyone. I still don't let them come to my house, or do my interests with me. But apart from that, most of the above complaints no longer apply. I do manage to do them at a reasonable amount, it's just that I still naturally do it less than an NT girl would. But it took me a long time to learn all of it.

I dont even care for my own birthday and tend to forget that, there is simply nothing extraordinary about that day that would remember me, that now its my birthday. Same goes for other peoples birthday. In the opposite, I get even punished, when I care for other peoples birthday, because suddenly people think that because I thought about their birthday, they must think about mine too and instead of my normal daily routine I suddenly get expected to do stuff, like doing a party or inviting people, what I dont like. So caring for other peoples birthday leads to instinctive punishment for me (Yeah, I know that its not meant that way, still they force me to do things, that are horrible for me and are draining me for the next 1-2 weeks.) When you tell people, that you dont want to do anything for my birthday, they get into this "Oh, this poor girl is so sad, she dont even want to celebrate her birthday."-shit and then they do surprise invitations or other s**t, and its even worse. I wished there wasnt such a thing as my birthday. As long as I am not forced to go to parties, it would be ok to think about other peoples birthday, but the moment you do, they start to care for your own and that sucks.

And telephone is simply a horrible s**t, after being forced to do a phone call I am exhausted for about an hour and need to separate myself from others to relax.

Its not about 20%, but if your girlfriend is simply getting sick from your 20% demandings, and you still insist on that when you know that its making her ill, you dont love her anyway, so no need to keep an relationship with a guy that cares more for maths percentages then his so called girlfiend.

And then guys with low self esteem get into their issues, like "Oh god, she isnt calling me every 20 minutes. That must mean she thinks my dick is too short. Oh god, because of that idiotic phone calls I now must get into my self esteem issues and tell her that she dont love me, because from Hollywood filmy I have learned, that people completely get transformed after an relationship. So it cant be, that a person that is hardly able to telephone and avoid its because of that by all means, before having an relationship with me, afterward still is hardly able to telephone and tries to avoid it by all means. No it suddenly has to be linked with me and her love to me." One thing I love about my partner is that he simply accepts it, when I tell that something is an issue for me. Beside the fact, that he simply knows that I hate to phone, because when I am into doing somethings and suddenly my phone rings I even start to hiss violently instinctive, it made him laugh. So the telephone is in my bag, so I dont know who is calling and could hiss at that person. I simply had the telephone, and if it was a guy calling that I won a million Dollar I would hiss at his phone call. ^^



I think you are just trying to lie to yourself. There is no being afraid of showing romantic emotions, I would love it if I simply had more of that on my own. ^^ I am able to appreciate and love a person, but simply not in this hollywood-fairytale style that men seem to expect. I am sorry, but I simply dont feel like flying with my emotion in the sky, riding into the downgoing sun on a white horse, with the need to be carried in his arms and all the other stuff you can copy from silly-romantic Bon Jovi songs.

I have the strong need to care for my partner, but in a realistic way, not in that butterfly, pink unicorn way. Thats simply not in me and it seemt that many other Aspie girl feel it the same.

Yay! Way to judge me!


20% is nothing and seriously it's not like I have some specialized computer that calculates this stuff all the time and watching the percentage like some predator. So at times it may goes way below this without noticing.

As about love, let's think in other way around:

But when a girl never initiate sending a message or a call (just a f*** message! not necessarily a call!!), even after weeks of silence from my side, not even checking if I am alive, then what kind of love and interest SHE has? I went once sick for a week and half and didn't hear a single word from that girl despite we'be been dating for months lol, which means if I was dead she wouldn't even know I was dead. I was always the one who initiated everything before.

No, minimal reciprocity is a must, you aspie girls must keep that in mind.




That's a totally different scenario than I am talking about, I am talking about normal mutual bond, not some clingy high maintenance sick guy who's asking for constant attention.

Since it appears that several people are turning against boo Im going to post my own experience lately.

Ive been meeting plenty of women of all ages just for friendly activities /talking/ whatever.

Some of them have been great to talk to and Ive wanted to get to know them better so Ive made a point to do so.

Every now and then however Im left wondering wtf?.
Here´s why:
We organize group meetings in just about every place, from a crowded local bar to a friends/my own house if the owner sees fit.

We set up a way of contacting each other in case we have any issues finding the place and we just have fun wherever we go to.
Which is basically great for me considering Im trying to feel more comfortable around females/new people of both genders

Every now and then however some girl I ve been talking to:
Says that she doesnt have a way of getting in contact with me and expects me to ask her for her number instead of asking me herself when she is the one interested in it.
The whole thing makes no sense whatsoever







Im not exaggeratting.
One day we had to switch places because one bar was too crowded.

A female I actually had a crush on asked me about what happened the next day because she couldnt find us.
I told her we had moved, she asked why I didnt send her a text message/called her to let her know, I pointed her out I didnt even have her number.

After several minutes of awkward silence(still expecting me to ask her for her number when she was the one that wanted to exchange numbers) she gave me her number and her email just in case and I gave her mine.


She is still cute and great to talk to but I m no longer interested in getting to know her better because that exchange showed me enough of her expectations when it comes to interacting with males.

No, minimal reciprocity is a must, you aspie girls must keep that in mind.[/quote]

20% is not nothing, if you are one of that guys that are calling because out of every nonsense and specially my beloved "I was boring right now, so I thought I could call you to be entertained by you." guys, that 20% means easily one phone call in return a day, means ruining every single day. 20% specially isnt nothing if it is so much issues for you, that the whole rest of the day needs to be skipped, only because of one terrorizing phone call. I mean dont you get it? Out of that one silly phone call, I could be forced to skip the complete day, lock myself into my bathroom and so on. Thats what I meant with guys demanding from woman, that they even ruin their complete life only to comfort them, because Barbie does that too.

Nope, its not a must. Its simply a must for your personal needs, but your personal needs are no must for everyone else. If you cant live with that, it simply means that you need to find someone that agrees with you on that, instead of telling lies to force something to do somethings he hates by telling stories about "that must be"... Nope, noone must be with you in an relationship, so noone must care for your personal needs.



Yes, but her not calling me, means that this mutual bond that only can exist with doing phonecalls and messages all day does not exist as it shall be, according to your personal romantic phantasies, so if she is not phoning, by your personal thoughts that must mean she dont love you, because of you being the center of the world, so everyone must think and have the same needs as you, and there can be no other person thinking else about it....

God be thanked for the invention of the cell phone, so that finally menship is able to have mutuals bonds with each other and menship finally can love each other. Before the existence of cell phones, people were not able to have mutual bonds, because there is no other way to show each other your love then by a dumb item produced in south corea. ^^

Sorry, but thats exactly what we are talking in this thread. Guys demanding and crying around because of that evil aspie girls not acting as they should do according to Bon Jovi love songs and Barbiefilms. As I have written its not about fear to be romantic. I simply dont have the need to that stuff. I can fake that behaviour, but what advantage does it bring me in opposite of the disadvantage of being exhausted because of faking to be another person? A guy, that is in love with that other non real not existing person? There is simply no cause to do all that work and ruin every day only because of phone calls, so that a guy falls in love with another not existing person. ^^

If you have that need for a girl thats calling you all the time because of your need for that its ok, find one that agrees with you on that. But what you do is nothing else the NT guys do, thinking that a girl is nothing else but their personal cheerleader and that every woman has automatically to change all their habbits and personality to become their personal fairytale cheering puppet doll, and if they dont you try if with emotional blackmail and trying to tell her what her feelings means, according to your personal standards, to push her to be the way you want instead of being the way she is. Nope, there is simply no must to do that. You, as everyone else, anyway of female or male, have simply a must to find someone that simply agrees with you on that, instead of telling people that they must be they way you want it.

^^ You're creating scenarios and putting words in my mouth in order to attack me. I only text the girl I like about once in 2 days, 10 or 20% of that is nothing. Trying so hard projecting psychological complexities on me.


Stop trying to picture me as someone psycho narcissist who's in need to constant attention. I was clear that I was talking about normal mutual communication between 2 persons.

I would not respond to your personal attacks any further.

Spongy: I agree, that is a ridiculous.
I needed to get 2 people's numbers from a club the other night because the whole group was moving from one club to another and we needed 3 cars to do it - hence contact numbers in case someone got lost. I never thought twice about asking for numbers when it's a practical necessity. Unless they are really shy or something, it's probably best that you leave girls like that alone.

Yeah Boo, but you kind of started the whole thing by saying I wasn't contacting enough.
Initiating calls 1-3 times a week, plus texts, is clearly enough.

You made assumption about me, and she's making assumptions about you.
Isn't it Just easier to leave the assumptions behind and ask a simple question for clarification instead?

So people had no mutual communication before the invention of cell phones?

Hmm ok, sorry if it sounded that, I wasn't really assuming anything about you, I was sayjng that I would ditch a girl if she never returns anything communication-wise (which is an extreme case), I wasn't talking about *you* in specific, the hypotheical girl doesn't represent you, but Sheenkul or whatver was clearly assuming abt me as person.


Honestly, based on your posts it seems that your men were the ones who were too demanding and spoiled.
For laundry and cooking I need no one, I was talking about something way more important and basic: communication and caring.