STOP taking women's decision making so personally...

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aspiemike
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29 Jun 2013, 11:48 am

MCalavera wrote:
aspiemike wrote:
My experience... girls have rejected me because another guy in the picture was someone she felt a stronger spark or attraction with. So, no.. the rejection actually had nothing to do with me and more to do with her feelings for someone else.


In this case, she rejected you because there was someone better than you in her eyes. How is that not a personal rejection?


Nope. There is a feeling I know and understand called a "spark." A rejection could be because of a lack of one as well. She may have felt that spark elsewhere. If she feels that spark with me after she commits to someone else, it would cause some "emotional turmoil" and she would be forced to make a decision for herself. Not personal at all.



Brianruns10
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29 Jun 2013, 11:54 am

For my perspective, what makes a rejection hard, is because it represents the death of a possible future. One cannot avoid, when one finds somebody to whom one is attracted, to begin to imagine the future...texting back and forth, going on weekend road trips, vacations, quiet evenings together at home, marriage, kids, a rich long life filled with memories.

And then with the rejection, that future is dead. It will never happen. She doesn't want that. She doesn't want you. And it hurts. It is unavoidable.



MCalavera
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29 Jun 2013, 12:34 pm

aspiemike wrote:
MCalavera wrote:
aspiemike wrote:
My experience... girls have rejected me because another guy in the picture was someone she felt a stronger spark or attraction with. So, no.. the rejection actually had nothing to do with me and more to do with her feelings for someone else.


In this case, she rejected you because there was someone better than you in her eyes. How is that not a personal rejection?


Nope. There is a feeling I know and understand called a "spark." A rejection could be because of a lack of one as well. She may have felt that spark elsewhere. If she feels that spark with me after she commits to someone else, it would cause some "emotional turmoil" and she would be forced to make a decision for herself. Not personal at all.


I don't believe in "sparks". You are free to interpret it the way you want if it makes you feel better about it, but it's a personal rejection of who you are, no matter how you look at it.



ForeverAloneVirgin
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29 Jun 2013, 12:59 pm

How else do you take it?
Your appearance, personality, character, social status, value, are all personal.
A lot of you are in denial and don't want to make changes.
It is not the woman's fault she doesn't want you, it is yours. She simply doesn't like you.



YourMajesty
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29 Jun 2013, 1:07 pm

MCalavera wrote:
aspiemike wrote:
MCalavera wrote:
aspiemike wrote:
My experience... girls have rejected me because another guy in the picture was someone she felt a stronger spark or attraction with. So, no.. the rejection actually had nothing to do with me and more to do with her feelings for someone else.


In this case, she rejected you because there was someone better than you in her eyes. How is that not a personal rejection?


Nope. There is a feeling I know and understand called a "spark." A rejection could be because of a lack of one as well. She may have felt that spark elsewhere. If she feels that spark with me after she commits to someone else, it would cause some "emotional turmoil" and she would be forced to make a decision for herself. Not personal at all.


I don't believe in "sparks". You are free to interpret it the way you want if it makes you feel better about it, but it's a personal rejection of who you are, no matter how you look at it.

-She somehow can't date anyone because of her situation
-She has issues
-She's already getting involved with someone else
-She thinks you're an ok person but it won't work out
-She thinks you're too young or old
-She wants to be left alone by everyone

Etc etc etc



aspiemike
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29 Jun 2013, 1:23 pm

MCalavera wrote:
aspiemike wrote:
MCalavera wrote:
aspiemike wrote:
My experience... girls have rejected me because another guy in the picture was someone she felt a stronger spark or attraction with. So, no.. the rejection actually had nothing to do with me and more to do with her feelings for someone else.


In this case, she rejected you because there was someone better than you in her eyes. How is that not a personal rejection?


Nope. There is a feeling I know and understand called a "spark." A rejection could be because of a lack of one as well. She may have felt that spark elsewhere. If she feels that spark with me after she commits to someone else, it would cause some "emotional turmoil" and she would be forced to make a decision for herself. Not personal at all.


I don't believe in "sparks". You are free to interpret it the way you want if it makes you feel better about it, but it's a personal rejection of who you are, no matter how you look at it.


Not really, it's personal if you allow it to be personal. as one already indicated and I had alluded to before, Everyone makes decisions based off their best interests. We do our best to make sure we stay happy and peaceful while still growing.
For example: the girl that rejected me had boundaries that she didn't want to cross. It was in her best interest to stay committed to her boyfriend than cross those boundaries. By crossing those boundaries, the emotional turmoil she would have felt would have been far worse than simply having felt attracted to me. This person liked me for who I was, but the rejection had more to do with her best interest and the timing of things as well as loyalty to the boyfriend. And yes, a mutual spark was felt, but never acted on for very good reason.
Considering I had just dealt with two crazy and emotionally confused girls before (one who had a boyfriend that she cheated on, the other who dumped me because she was still in love with her ex), I'd say that I understand now that each decision these girls made wasn't not reflective of me, nor was it a reason for me to take personally. I do remember taking the decision making personally on one of those three occasions, and that person doesn't speak to me anymore. Each were strongly attracted to me, but were obviously in love with someone else.



The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Jun 2013, 1:30 pm

YourMajesty wrote:
MCalavera wrote:
aspiemike wrote:
MCalavera wrote:
aspiemike wrote:
My experience... girls have rejected me because another guy in the picture was someone she felt a stronger spark or attraction with. So, no.. the rejection actually had nothing to do with me and more to do with her feelings for someone else.


In this case, she rejected you because there was someone better than you in her eyes. How is that not a personal rejection?


Nope. There is a feeling I know and understand called a "spark." A rejection could be because of a lack of one as well. She may have felt that spark elsewhere. If she feels that spark with me after she commits to someone else, it would cause some "emotional turmoil" and she would be forced to make a decision for herself. Not personal at all.


I don't believe in "sparks". You are free to interpret it the way you want if it makes you feel better about it, but it's a personal rejection of who you are, no matter how you look at it.

-She somehow can't date anyone because of her situation
-She has issues
-She's already getting involved with someone else
-She thinks you're an ok person but it won't work out
-She thinks you're too young or old
-She wants to be left alone by everyone

Etc etc etc



Sane people ask people of reasonable age and single, and we're talking about asking out an available girl (ie a girl on okcupid seeking for dates) we're talking on this basis.

In normal circumstances, most rejections are personal.



aspiemike
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29 Jun 2013, 1:34 pm

ForeverAloneVirgin wrote:
How else do you take it?
Your appearance, personality, character, social status, value, are all personal.
A lot of you are in denial and don't want to make changes.
It is not the woman's fault she doesn't want you, it is yours. She simply doesn't like you.


Noone said "don't grow up, don't make changes in who you are" I know I didn't say that. People simply believe what they want to believe, even you. I had to change my beliefs earlier in the year in order to grow. If it wasn't for that decision, I have no idea where I would be now. But on your last sentence, I know in my experiences that most of the time it wasn't either person's fault as to why someone didn't want the other. Fact of the matter is, it just didn't work out.

Another person's judgment really isn't your fault at all.



MCalavera
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29 Jun 2013, 2:11 pm

YourMajesty wrote:
MCalavera wrote:
aspiemike wrote:
MCalavera wrote:
aspiemike wrote:
My experience... girls have rejected me because another guy in the picture was someone she felt a stronger spark or attraction with. So, no.. the rejection actually had nothing to do with me and more to do with her feelings for someone else.


In this case, she rejected you because there was someone better than you in her eyes. How is that not a personal rejection?


Nope. There is a feeling I know and understand called a "spark." A rejection could be because of a lack of one as well. She may have felt that spark elsewhere. If she feels that spark with me after she commits to someone else, it would cause some "emotional turmoil" and she would be forced to make a decision for herself. Not personal at all.


I don't believe in "sparks". You are free to interpret it the way you want if it makes you feel better about it, but it's a personal rejection of who you are, no matter how you look at it.

-She somehow can't date anyone because of her situation
-She has issues
-She's already getting involved with someone else
-She thinks you're an ok person but it won't work out
-She thinks you're too young or old
-She wants to be left alone by everyone

Etc etc etc


I'm referring to the OP's specific scenario (or, rather, my understanding of it). I agree not all rejections are personal.