trying to fix my marriage

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Let me ask you this, Kate. Have you guys ever talked about or tried marriage counseling? Maybe talking things out together with a therapist will iron out issues between the both of you. Short of that, other than you trying to mend things with your husband, I don't know what much else you can do that you're not already trying, you are doing the best you can, but he has to be willing to meet you halfway!

I agree with mattarga. You already trying to fix it right? He should accept you (and you him ofcourse ) He won't be the perfect man after all this, and you won't be the perfect woman. However, you seem to be nice and polite. Unless you transform into a monster when being with your husband

You could always try marriage counseling as mattarga said as well. Give the marriage some time to recover.

I have communication problems shut downs/meltdowns/inability to read his nonverbal cues and we have done no marriage counseling since my diagnosis. I have suggested marriage counseling.
Not to my knowledge do I turn into a monster. However my above problems certainly throw a wrench into my marriage. Also husband has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Low Empathy(read no empathy), and severe OCD. We also have two children. My son has Autism and our daughter has Disruptive Behavior Disorder, Anxiety, and OCD.
Would knowing my diagnosis and his make any difference in marriage counseling?

Your husband sound like a narcissitic emotionally abusive jackhole and your online flirtations didn't sound much like cheating at all. Sounds more like you needed some emotional support and made a friend.

If fixing your marriage is so damn easy he should be doing it but it sounds like he's a using this "cheating" incident as an excuse to openly demean you and make himself feel like the victim in your marriage. He's not. You are. You should have dumped his ass and got with the other guy, imo.

You have kids so I know its more complicated than that but you really should consider trying a seperation or at the very least marriage counseling. Growing up in a marriage like that can't be good for your kiddos.

The other guy is unavailable, actively involved with someone else who he's told me he loves, and therefore not an option for this and for various other reasons. We are friends. Husband may well be using the cheating incident to demean me I'm not sure of what he intends as I've been unable to read his cues clearly.

I am strongly considering marriage counseling but I wonder if knowing his and my diagnosis will make the difference that would make it effective. It was previously very ineffective as they focused on female relationship problems I never had(such as me being more open to sex and physical affection this when he is asexual and I have a high sex drive and was left asking repeatedly, or me wanting to go out to socialize and him being more receptive to this when the reality is that I'm the more antisocial of the two of us)and never seemed to get to the root of the problems. The assumptions made were very wrong with the pre diagnosis marriage counseling we received.

Try to find a marriage counsellor who's familiar with you and your husband's conditions. Or if that proves difficult, at least find a family counsellor who's familiar with them. Different psychological conditions often require quite different approaches to counselling, so it's no surprise that previous counselling attempts have failed if the counsellor wasn't familiar enough with the relevant conditions.

This! He sounds awful! (But I do think your online sitch was a form of emotional cheating)

COunseling for sure!

What is there to fix? So things go back to normal and he forgives you... no sex but instead verbal abuse? Good luck with that, I will never understand women in love.

No, not verbal abuse either, there's nothing okay about that.

I'm willing to admit it might have been cheating.....although I never even met that guy.

Husband said he'd change but we will see how that turns out. I can still ask for a separation if it doesn't turn out but he's home now. My marriage is a real marriage again........in that it's no longer sexless. We had a major fight but I won(I get to play video games, watch movies, read whatever I want, smile and laugh w/out criticism, wear whatever I want in terms of makeup and clothes the alternative was I told him he could leave and that I wasn't going to tolerate it anymore period also that if he doesn't want to be married anymore that is doable and I'll take half his salary, the house, and the kids and he can get the hell out that I can find another man who will treat me well if he doesn't) and he has been treating me well ever since we sorted that and a few other things out plus he did apologize for being such a jerk. He also told me he really appreciates me and that he thinks I'm smart and hard working and he honestly doesn't want me to throw him out. He also went to church with me and our kids and the minister said it was nice to see us together(we are both Christians) and both of us smiling.

we've also agreed I'm going back to school to get some tech skills as I've just realized I'm good with computers and even though I don't have people skills I seem to have some very basic skills for technology and that should help if I'm able to get a job.

Last edited by kate123A on 07 Jul 2013, 2:48 pm, edited 3 times in total.

and of course getting therapy

I hope all of this works out, I truly do.