How does a man attract a woman

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^ That what I see to JM, 100% the same. That what I see all the time: hypergamy, hypergamy, hypergamy.
And I also see that being slightly "better" than the woman isn't enough, as if a significant gap is required.

What I see, that women want men who can "rely on" - physically (much stronger, taller), mentally (more mature, smarter, older, wiser) and financially (wealthier, more successful).

As for the height , it's really a major dating-wise issue for me. I have a feeling I am having trouble in getting second dates because of the height because all those I've dated more than once were shorter than me. For some reason, women don't make notice the height number (163 cm, 5'3) I am honestly and clearly displaying on my okc profile, or maybe some simply estimate heights wrong or they didn't expect it would be a turn off I dunno.

I thought i could bypassed it but I was probably wrong.

Get yourself some stilts.

1. Be interesting. Have a hobby that people generally admire (playing an instrument, perhaps), and have a job that people generally respect. There is truth in the idea that "You are what you do", so if you do nothing, then that is exactly what she will think of you.

2. Be clean. Foul words and foul odors repel women.

3. Show interest in what she does. A woman is more than the sum of her physical attributes.

4. Listen. Get the key points, at least. Paraphrase and repeat them back occasionally, just to show that you are paying attention.

5. Her eyes are somewhere above her neck. Eye contact is not essential, but staring at her chest is a big turn-off.

6. Be friendly. SMILE! Leave the anger with your therapist. Leave the weapons at home. Reserve the hostility for those who have hurt her.

7. Be gracious. If she rejects you, just smile and say "Good-Bye" without sadness or sarcasm in your voice.

This should do for starters.

How the hell am I supposed to not come across this way if I have never benn in a relationship. How am I supposed to pretend I am not desperate I really want a relationship. Society is screwed. I mean how am I supposed to meet anyone.

It is a waste of time and I am tired of these people messing with my head. I did not come across as desperate. She said I was not coming across that way. I mean ao you are not supposed to say I want a relationship then waht is the point in indicating on the dating site you want a long term relationship.

There are just too many dang rules for this and I always end up making a mistake. I wish was not in this crazy messed up world.

If I get rejected I am never able to take it well. And I get frustrated too easily. It just seems impossible. I mean I honestly want to have sex and the frustration is killing me. I am trying to do the right thing but my mind keeps saying I need sex. My heart wants a long term serious relationship and my head just wants sex.

I mean sometimes I look down when talking to a woman and I think that causes problems because they think I am staring at their chest but it is only for a second. I mean it is not fair that women just assume you are being a pig when you are just having a problem with eye contact. I am not sure if they think I am doing this. I never mean to.

I mean I have done most of the things you are suggesting except for the rejection part. I have a complex as far as rejection which goes to high school and all the rejection. And my problems tend to come out after knowing someone especially if they mention their problems.

So but for me attracting a woman is almost impossible because I always end up screwing it up. I am so depressed. I mean I really hate my life and I am just feeling like crap constantly.

Self-Fulfilling Prophesy

If you believe that you will fail, then you have already defeated yourself.

If you believe that you can win, then the victory may already be yours.

Hi jesus, I DO Believe we've met ... a few times ... if not in person then in several people .

You Are Not Alone .

Have you tried disregarding stupid advice as being from others who don't know your full Self and just follow your Heart? It sounds childish to some, but the cold, hard scientific facts are simply that we are all magnet beings & if you haven't discovered fully "the one", if it is Only One you are in search of, then you two have not yet aligned your magnets.

The issue with "online meeting" is simply that we express ourselves differently in writing than in speaking, and we read differently than we hear. Mixed messages don't make it easy, but it will be worth the effort if you're honest about what you need.

I am one of those chicks which guys have found to be a hard catch, one in particular, even though he's the right One for me. Yes it bites. But the Challenge is to learn how to be true to yourself without hurting others in the process. 😊

You sound normal & perhaps a bit better than average, otherwise you wouldn't be seeking help. You also sound like my type, lol no flirt intended I just wanna help because I feel yer ouches... 🐒

It seems to me half the people in here think that physical appearance is the main problem. I mean it is superficial and I am not interested in someone is so superficial that they need a body building douchebag. Sorry most of the guys at clubs and bars are idiotic neanderthals. I hate them. They are douchebags.

The kind of woman I am into is either punk or goth because that is what I am into. And sorry muscular punks and goths look stupid. I am skinny and I want to be like that. I mean the last woman I tried to date liked skinny guys and she was a punk.

Plus I have a mohawk and most women seem to hate it but I am not going to change it for anyone. No one is going to change me. Honestly my only option is a woman who wants someone who is different.

I don't care about plastic skinny blondes. Sorry I do not want to date a woman that looks like a little boy. I mean some of the women guys like are butt ugly in my mind. Totally uninteresting and plastic and tan and perfect looking. makes me wanna puke just looking at them. Perfect looking women are not beautiful.

I mean I remember high school and none of these types of girls gave me the time of day because they thought I was a freak. Screw them. I am looking for a girl who is not accepted, introverted, shy, or just plain unique and different.

Not trying to sound insensitive to anyone here. I am just being very direct about what I do not want and I want,.

But I do feel that it is possible. Plus I do not really believe in self-fulfilling prophecies. I mean just thinking something will not make it true unless magical thinking is real which I doubt.

Anyways how do you change your train of thought without changing your behavior. I generally cannot change my thinking pattern without first changing my behavior. Live your way into better thinking. Thinking your way into better thinking is not something that works for me.

I mean the problem resides in your brain. How do you fix a messed up brain with a messed up brain. That is like trying to fix a car with broken parts. It is illogical.

My behavior is mostly causing the problem as a direct result of negative thinking maybe? The word prophecy sounds like make-believe to me. It is too symbolic. Negative thinking can cause you to behave in ways that sabotage what you are trying to do.

I have trying to focus on my good qualities and I know that I can attract a woman it just seems my own thinking keeps getting in the way. I second my self because of past failures. I mean I have low self-esteem issues as most "aspies" do at some point. I mean I have done a lot of horroble and made a lot of bad decisions. My thinking process is completely messed up.

I mean there are so many things I have to work mhy brain is overloading. I mean my meltdowns have been getting a lot worse in the last two years making it almost impossible to live with anyone. My familiy is tired of it and something has to give. I need a support network but I am so afraid to go places where there are people that I get paralyzed and then I just do something else. I am too nervous about it so I try to avoid it.

This is a horrible existence. It is kind of hard to think positive when my mind is my worst enemy.

Ugh!

Last edited by punkguy378 on 04 Jul 2013, 7:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

This is not magical thinking. It describes how self-confidence influences results.

If you don't believe in yourself, no one else will, either; and this includes people that you are trying to attract.

One thing I've learned about building up your self-confidence: Don't give a damn about what others think of you - rejection happens; how you deal with it is what matters.

Ok I have been working on this and I think I at least have some confidence. I mean by our nature many "aspies" struggle with self-confidence. I think people need to more understanding instead of rejecting me because they are insecure and shallow. If someone is feeling down you should not hate them. Those people are wrong for doing that. Nobody gives a damn about anyone else. It is abuse and all these people abused me and I am supposed to just let them walk all over me. I have always stood up for myself at great cost to my well-being. Life is for me is not always fun and I am not always confident. I am flawed but people want to reject based on some selfish idea that they need to hate me.

I am not the most positive and I probably will always be that way to some degree. Honestly there is no point asking advice in here because no one here really knows everything about my life and what I am doing.

I never let anyone put me down and unfortunately by standing up for myself it has given me nothing but heartache.

I do believe in myself. I would not be asking for advice if I did not care about myself. Also, I am pretty passionate when it comes to what I like and I never try to compensate for the fact that I am not the best at having confidence.

If I agree with someone I agree with them and tell them that if I don't I general say I disagree and I do not back down from that. I am true to myself. If someone wants to think I am fake that is their misjudgment because they are wrong. I do not have to prove anything to anyone. If a guy is being nice than maybe just maybe they are actually being nice because they want to. Women seem to have a chip on their shoulder and everytime a guy is nice they assume the guy is trying to sleep with them.

You cannot even open the door for a woman anymore without some stupid women's lib I can take care of comment. Chivalry and respect is dead and it many women would rather be treated like crap. I mean I am supposed to disrespect in order for them to like me.

This is a ridiculous and silly world we live in. I just do not get it. It might as well be greek to me.

No.

Expecting other people to change for you or to simply understand you is a Sisyphean attitude - you will never attain that goal. Better to work on yourself, without relying upon the attitudes of others!


So?

That's human nature - no one gives a damn. Accept it and move on.


Indifference is not abuse. That's why I'm indifferent to other people's attitudes about me. No one can manipulate me any more with threats of personal rejection - I just don't care anymore.


One of the most common reasons to reject someone is that acceptance imposes more of a burden than does indifference.

If I choose to reject someone who is always whining and complaining about how no one loves them, then that means I am not being drawn into their metaphorical pit of despair. If people would stop complaining about how the world isn't interested in them, and instead make themselves interesting to the world, then they would be pleasantly surprised at how many friends they attract.

I met my second wife when I stopped complaining to everyone about my failed first marriage. Many people thought that she had changed me, when in reality it was I who changed so that she would like me. We've been married now for nearly a quarter-century.

Change begins with you, kid; and not with everybody else. If you want women to be attracted to you, then you must change to be attractive to them first.

We can only provide advice factoring in the information provided. No one is going to have the ultimate answer usually either. You just have to cherry pick the advice that resonates with you. You actually seem to have a pretty good idea of what you need. Time for an action plan.

Time for change.

Fine good for you. I mean but stop acting like you have never been in my position and talking to me like I am a child. Everyone does this to me and it is irritating. Sorry indifference is cruel and if you do not see this then you are like everyone else in this world. And what's with the carefree attitude. I am not like that and never will be. I cannot seem to let go of all this hatred for people that rejected me. I honestly end up wanting to make everyone else suffer because I think they deserve to feel as messed up as me. I guess I am just an abusive person it happen to people who are bullied growing up as much as I did. It is a fight or flight response.

Leave this backwards world to the NT scum. I can never wait to tell them to their face that I am not like them and I never will be like them. I do not want to be like them or learn their stupid customs. Screw them.

Fine I am venting because there is no way out of this. I have tried for twenty years. I have tried to change only to get kicked in the face and knocked down over and over.

One things for sure I need to get rid of all this anger because it is making impossible to get along.

I do not expect you to understand what I feel. You have no idea I think.