Telling the difference between dating and socialising

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It is my belief that most women would be aware of this. I would certainly make the assumption that he was interested.

Though there are probably types of women who would be less likely to be aware, e.g. younger women, women inexperienced in dating, socially naive women...

I would not be aware. I never expect romance, it just doesn't occur to me.

Ooo that's a tough one. You said you've met her three times already?
If you still haven't made any obviously flirty move on her, she might be thinking the same thing as you. ("Maybe he just wants to be friends")
All three meetings have been just chatting over coffee or drinks?
How about inviting her to a more elaborate outing on weekend then?
Maybe you can ask her out via e-mail or text that you'd like to invite her to a proper date (whatever that is, dinner and movie? I don't know) and see what she says.
If you guys have already done that (spent time together for more than a couple of hours just chatting), I don't know what else you can do, except maybe ask her directly (if she can see you as more than a friend). But don't ask her in person, do it via e-mail so she can have time to think about it.

Whether or not one would call this situation a 'date' is obviously going to vary from person to person. What I will say, is that if romantic or sexual attraction is present on either end, it is certainly a step-up from meeting up with a friend, and should be treated as such. As a woman, I judge whether or not it is a 'date' by whether or not the man (or woman) pays for me. While it may sound materialistic, to me what it symbolizes is the act of courtship. It says, "You are worth this cup of four dollar coffee." Now the trick for you as the man would of course be to find out if you feel she is worth the four dollar cup of coffee!

You said you wanted know what her perception of these meet ups was. Did she mention anything about feeling a connection to you, enjoying your company, or anything flirtatious, sexual, or romantic? If you think she did, you should definitely take her on a date—a nice date. It doesn't have to drain your wallet or look as though it is the precursor to an engagement, but take her someplace fun and affordable, and pay for it. If she hasn't said anything that seems flirtatious, have you seen how she is towards other men? Looking at how someone is towards everyone else can help you get a good baseline of their personality. In other words, if you observe how she is towards other men (or even just people), you can start to see what would be a neutral response, and what would be a positive or negative response towards you. Here's an example of why I am bringing this up, I had a man recently who I had known for five years yet only met once constantly compliment me on the internet to the point where people who saw it literally told me "I think he can stop now. I think we get it." Well, despite all of the compliments (and even gifts) year after year, my gaydar went off and I started to think that he was gay. Finally, I went through his recent photographs and saw that he was obviously quite homosexual and using me to seem straight to his family. When I finally figured out that he was gay, I started to realize that I had missed a lot of signs! He was as nice to me as he was to everyone! Once I started realizing that he complimented other people excessively, I realized that I should have looked at how he treated me compared to how he treated others. He said he wanted to date me, yet complimented other people just as much. When I confronted him about being gay, I learned I was right. I also learned that before I started taking his praise seriously, I should have looked at all the other people he was doing the same thing to. When you are attracted to someone, you treat them differently. They are your focal point.

I think that if you are able to see how she is with other people, and how her personality is in general, you will get a much better understanding of what she thinks of you. If she thinks fondly of you, she will want it to be a date.

Context is everything.

That's not so in my country. I have semi regularly invited two different female friends out to hang out socially to do or see things around the city or to happy hour, in most cases just the two of us. One of the girls has a boyfriend. The other one I told I was dealing with too much personal stuff to contemplate a relationship when she flirted (prior to hanging out). It has never had the pretense of a date, and these women act like its normal, which it is. Both are straight.

And both have reciprocated.

Last edited by Tyri0n on 05 Aug 2013, 8:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Or less uptight women. A lot of women have mostly male friends. And some guys have mostly female friends. So your logic cannot always be true.

HFAs in particular seem to get along better with the opposite gender. As for me, I tend to relate to women better but also am much more likely to have conflicts and personality conflicts with women. So it cuts both ways

If there's already an established friendship, that's different. But to ask a woman out one-on-one when you don't know each other that well yet, it looks like a date.

You are already friends with those, that's different, I go out with female friends all the time.

It depends on the context really.

There is this "wonderful" idea on some protestant religions that make you try to socialize with just about anyone who approaches you to do so called the sense of community(they try to be like a family of some sort, theres a high chance of them trying to invite you to their church during this "date")

If you were to approach a female that believed in this sort of thing she will most likely say yes and bring up the whole getting a better sense of community once you are already "on the date"(as you called it)

That said if the bill isnt being split you are most likely on a date.

Yes, I am hearing this lately A LOT, A LOT, A LOT, especially from women.

Split bill = friendzone
Guy pays = date

What's going on? A new world wide reminder from the females' psychic unified hive mind to the male species? I blame the economy.

Or because there's a new generation (or new trend) of guys who split the bill and women aren't liking this because it's not so financially convenient for them?? Hm? Gotcha!

Slow down there:

If one person wants to date the other one they should offer to pay for the whole thing(regardless of their gender) since it was their idea to meet up and theyd like to do it in the future again.

This excludes dating sites where both of you are there for the same reason

^ edited (added things).

I really don't buy much this excuse, spongy, because even when the girl INVITES the guy, the guy is expected to pay too, while splitting = friendzone.

It's not a matter of who invites who, really, it's all about gender rules.

I'd like to point out that paying the full bill doesn't mean you won't get friendzoned or aren't already in it and are being used.

One of them I didn't know well at the beginning.

One of them I didn't know well at the beginning. Notice my location changed from Austin to DC two months ago. Everyone must start somewhere and women in particular want to hang out with you to vet you before taking you in front of their friends.