What Do You Have to Contribute?

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I suspect that in Amsterdam, having a bicycle is much more important.

Yeah, it was my impression from my relatives in the city that having a car is actually fairly rare.

I hear you!

Anyway, I chose option two. Because of chronic health issues, I am a housewife too, (like OliveOilMom.) My husband and I will be celebrating our first marriage anniversary this year, and so far we deal very well together. I am good at some things, and he is good at others, so we work together pretty well on most things. For instance, he is good at carpentry so he built our bed. I am good at cooking, ( and so is he) so we take turns cooking. I like to sew, so I do repairs on clothing and make curtains by hand. And so on.

I have a car,valid DL,house.
I'm decent looking.
I can grow food.
I do my own yard work and have tools.
I can cook and can food
I am low maintenance because I do not like going out to eat or malls
Disease free
tolerant,creative,and I can read and write
There are no major bacteria colonies in my house
I bathe and brush my teeth, and see the dentist twice a year

i have a drivver's license and a car but i find ny transportation confusing...believe me i tried to figure it out when i used to hang out with people there(they had to figure it all out lol)

as for me, well i graduated college with top honors, am very intelligent, but i dont have a job, dont have great social skills, have no friends, cant hold a job, am a kissless virgin, and ive been pretty lazy lately and depressed about where my life is going.so i don't shower or brush my teeth(although i still smell fine and look clean)..i have a very nice body though bc i love lifting weights and im tall with green eyes.
im 23. i am also a very kind person, and love my dog

As I am trying to get my life moving after mental hurdles in the past, I do not have much to offer in terms of $$$ and a defined future. I have registered for college courses this fall to go on the right track. Not sure what I want to major yet but I would need enough to support myself and have a comfortable life in the expensive state I live in. I would not survive working in retail/customer services jobs with my PDD-NOS condition.

What I do have to offer at this point:
-I am definitely eccentric with different ideas from most people, which can make life more exciting
-I have a strong will
-I enjoy 'real' food plus a huge sweet tooth
-Like many animals (though dog barking does wear me out unfortunately)
-No recreational drugs EVER
-I am good at math so I have the potential to easily manage fiances

If I am put myself on the dating scene, my deal breakers would be: drug use, criminal history, someone without any goals or plans if they problems to be fixed in their life, and someone with a dominant personality (that would be a mess as I am could never be submissive willingly).

I this two topics in one? The poll asks one question ("Do you apply the same standards to yourself that you apply to your ideal mate?"), but the topic title and initial post ask another ("what do you have to offer a prospective mate?")

Most people answered the title question, but I think the poll question is more interesting. I voted "mostly". When it comes to personal values and behaviour I certainly apply the same standards to myself (eg. open-minded, good hygiene). However, looks is a "standard" I have no control over - my own looks, body size, fitness level, etc. have no bearing on what I find attractive. There is no hypocrisy in wanting a much better-looking partner (or much worse-looking for that matter), since there is no choice involved. Of course, there are also many standards I would apply to myself, but not to a partner - so in a way my standards for myself could be considered higher.

Yes. Yes, it is.


That was intentional.


Good. Another honest answer.

Keep 'em coming!

The question "No / Never. Why bother? You gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find the perfect prince or princess" is fundamentally the same as 1 & 2. Obviously the frogs were not up to the required standard.

Complimentary personalities, or sometimes called "opposites attract", seem to be the most stable relationships that I've witnessed. One is strong where the other is week. This works best, and doubly so for those with disabilities of any sort.

Basically, I'm looking for a female version of myself, so yes, I apply the same standards. I would agree, however, that there is nothing wrong with some complimentary standards: "I can be better at X if you are better at Y".

Last edited by Mike_the_EE on 31 Jul 2013, 2:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

No time or money.

Absolutely.

I don't have a "list".
I know it when I see it most of them time, so lists aren't really necessary, you get to know by feel whether something will work or not.

I would never say that somebody "must have" something that I do not have or I am not capable of. That would be completely unfair. Also I tend to hold myself to higher standards than anyone else.
I tend to place more weight on what they have put an effort into - the controllable factors, rather than genetic or other intrinsic ones. Therefore I tend to prefer someone who develops their knowledge in a particular or wide range of areas or critical thinking skills over someone who is intelligent (especially if they don't do anything particularly useful with it).

I have found simply from experience that I tend to end up with people who are 50% the same as me in some areas, and 50% complementary in others. In the case of complementary, it is not a case of they have something that I don't and that's it - more a case of each one has something different of equal weight or value that we are better at, and in the end it balances out.

Personally I don't think it's a good idea to go uphold all of your standards to someone else, or to go for totally complementary because it seems to not give people enough room to be their own person and it generally ends up being unequal, which often contributes to a relationship break down.

For the most part, I expect things of a partner that describe me as well (at my best anyway ) For example thoughtfulness, a minimum standard of hygiene, decent communication, not too needy, intelligent, and some degree of compatibility re political/philosophical stance. I don't see this as a list of wants so much as an acknowledgment of what factors will let us have a healthy relationship. Unless we both have those things, it just isn't going to turn out well, says experience.

If I'm just hooking up with someone or casually dating, I don't really care about material factors like health and a job. But if we're getting serious, there are some things I need from them that I can't offer right now. I'm disabled and can't work or provide income apart from intermittent research stipends. As a result, I can't afford a car (though I have a license.) Also, my health (physical and mental) is poor so there are times I can't hold up my end of the housework and I have to focus a lot of my time and energy on staying well. So if things are going to work out with someone, they need to accept that about me and be willing to pick up the slack in those areas, providing some security and stability while I try to be good to them in all the other ways I can.

I'm sure that does limit my pool of potential mates (though I've got one anyhow, but I mean generally) but I'd rather be honest about it than say that doesn't matter or offer something I can't give and have it bite us both in the butt later on. I'd like to think it's a kind of complementary standard because I try to offer other benefits, for ex. I'm a really good cook, know how to work with/fix computers, am good at managing money. I don't want to be a housewife per se and I'm sure I don't have nearly the skill set OliveOilMom does (!) but it's not like I'm a useless bum, I just have my limitations.

Those of us hip to the scene know that all of us AS guys have huge cocks. All of us. A cock smaller than 6 inches is something to be utterly ashamed of. Really!

My only standard I really apply that I want the same as myself is her having the ability to cook well. Or cook at all. Most girls nowadays can't even boil a potato. As far as athleticism, slightly "thicker" is OK, as I'm not mega ultra ripped and don't have lots of veins popping out of me yet but most normal humans consider me "skinny." I'd like her to at least take walks/go hiking often, even if she doesn't play a sport or "exercise" a lot like I do. As far as a car, only if she wants me to drive her everywhere. As in, she's just using me for a taxi. Don't want that. Own place, I don't have mine, I don't see why she has to have hers. Job, as long as she's not asking me for money all the time, don't care.

My only really strange standard is cooking. I don't envision things lasting too long with a girl who refuses to learn to cook and only eats boxed/canned/fast food stuff, even if she looks OK (for now...)