Has lowering your standards ever worked?

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I am literally incompatible with everyone else (even though, theoretically there may be someone in the universe that I'll never meet). I've tried dating people no one would ever date. Usually, this meant that the person approached me first (smelly, missing teeth, etc), but eventually they didn't forgive my shortcomings. Most people, even on the lower end of the social totem pole are looking for people who are somewhat "normal" in certain ways. For example, I'm asexual. Most people don't forgive that. In my brief experiences dating "undateables", the other person flaked out on me or otherwise did something so ridiculous that I knew they didn't care about me. Or alternately, they had a thick shell that made them paranoid of anyone who would talk to them. A lot of the social untouchables pushed me away from the very outset, maybe because they had been burned too many times, or found it just creepy that I would talk to them.

I have never tolerated abusive or dishonest people....I've had a handful of "undateables" who were twice my age and had hygeine issues approach me. I had brief friendships with said group, but eventually my social shortcomings became intolerable to them. It just felt like after a period of time the other person would do something on purpose because they wanted me to be the one to reject them. (example: smoke in my face even though I can't tolerate cigarettes)..

Or - how's about this - you go about things in a completely different way:

Go out, and connect with people. Forget the surface, forget everything. Just connect.

By doing that, you are giving of yourself. Also, you're training yourself in social interaction - and training yourself to stop expecting to get. Because, if you're always on the take, it shows in interactions.

One day, if you do this, you will connect with a woman and it will be so easy and natural. No games required, no strategies. No stupid ratings. It just shall be.

How's that? It's a bit old fashioned, I know, not expecting to get get get. But hey - what else were you going to try?

No need to thank me

And this is why most of the guys on this forum are single and fapping off tonight, unrealistic expectations through porn and other sources which causes them to expect their own girlfriends to look like porn stars or bikini models.

everyone has standards to a certain extent. For instance, would you date an 80 year old women or a 5 year old girl? If you said yes, you need help. Age is a basic standard, that means you only date people in your age group.


then some people have really high standards such as the dude must be 6 ft 5 with huge bulging muscles and he must be a millionaire.


Basically if you have really high standards but you have nothing to offer in return, then you standards are too high.

Lowering your standards never works. Settling for someone you think is less than you is a recipe for disaster because that air of superiority will always leak through and you're not valuing the person for who they are. Ultimately no one will be happy.

Assessing and adjusting your standards does work. If you have rigid standards that make you reject potential partners on a rather superficial basis then you're limiting your dating pool unnecessarily. From "I won't date anyone who's not in a certain BMI range" to "It's really important to me that the person I date is physically active and healthy so we can do activities that we both enjoy" and being able to look beyond BMI. Or "I won't date anyone with less than a PhD" to "I need someone who is intellectual and continues to enjoy learning new things." means you can happily date someone with a masters or a bachelors degree - but you stick to a standard of a completed higher education degree. These are my own standards which I've adjusted over the years.

Rather than focusing on a particular measurement, you need to focus on what drove you to choose that standard in the first place. I want to be with someone who likes to move their body in outdoor activities. I need to be with someone who challenges me intellectually.

I've also learned that I need to be with someone who is flexible, kind and enjoys group activities. I also need to be with someone who is reasonably adventurous sexually and has a normal to above-average sex drive. My standards have changed over the years, they are much looser, but they better reflect my core values and the qualities I admire.

Two different ways of looking at it:

One, you give yourself permission to be happy. Any activity doesn't necessarily link to that.

Two, you are depriving a woman of (potentially) an excellent partner. Bit selfish, that. Why does it have to be uuuuuuu?